[Ibogaine] The Small Things

Jeff G jeffgallop at gmail.com
Fri Dec 20 18:28:31 CST 2013


Ahhh, christmas on the ibogaine list....
god bless us, everyone....
 On Dec 20, 2013 3:48 PM, "danielle" <danielle6175 at sbcglobal.net> wrote:

> Well said Val...too true; and a good thing to be reminded of.
>
>   ------------------------------
>  *From:* Valarie <val.needis at gmail.com>
> *To:* The Ibogaine List <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
> *Sent:* Friday, December 20, 2013 2:56 PM
> *Subject:* Re: [Ibogaine] The Small Things
>
> I am glad this thread is called "the small things,"  because I would hate
> for someone that needs help to stop posting because of confusion.
> <3 Val
> Wait, I'm confused.  For a second I thought you (Laura) were talking to
> me.  I was like: "When did I become a racist, womanizing, beer drinking,
> and the rest of all these terrible things?"  Also I thought we had a nice
> exchange last night...
> For the record I know a lot of crappy dudes that are Democrats,
> Independent, Libertarian, Republicans, Socialist and all the rest so shame
> games based on political affiliation are unfair (for the most part).  I
> don't think Republican's have a monopoly on being scumbags.
> Jim's a harmless "70's" guy (if I read what's in the archives right).
>  You'll see what I mean if you go back a little further on the list and
> read what he writes in context.  It's nice that you feel so strongly about
> issues of morality but I promise your anger is misguided.
> Laura; I enjoy the fact that this is a place where highly dysfunctional
> people come together to do their best to do their best .  This is a soft
> place to land for you too if that is something you could use.  I've had a
> couple incidences where I told everyone to "take everything they ever
> thought and go fuck themselves up the ass with it and if they thought to
> say one oozy remark to me they could shove it up whatever Orpheus of their
> body was left".  That's a literal paraphrase and THANK GOD it was met with
> a lot of patience.  One brave soul on here suggested I was dealing with
> something like PAW's...which at the time I had no idea what that was.  Come
> to find out he was right and all my rage was actually more to do with what
> was going on with me than anything external.
> Is it possible that your dealing with some life stuff that has made you
> more defensive than you'd normally be?  Maybe this situation is a little
> bigger than misunderstanding a well intentioned 70's dude?  I mean; your on
> a list that generally attracts people dealing with life and death issue's.
>  Is there anything we can do to reach out without you mistaking that for an
> insult?
> My thought's are with you honey.  Feel free to privately message me if
> you'd like.
> Sincerely,
> Danielle
> From: Laura Jacobson <ravegirl2012 at yahoo.com>
> To: The Ibogaine List <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
> Sent: Friday, December 20, 2013 11:55 AM
> Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] The Small Things
> I can't work up the motivation to get upset with you, I could be wrong but
> you come across as a very old white male, whose natural habitat is sitting
> on a couch with piles of beer cans watching fox news or sports on tv.
> You're probably racist, definitely misogynistic, no doubt vote republican
> you get a pass nobody expects anything from you anymore but whoever you're
> married to if you're not divorced already is prob eligible for martyr of
> the year.
>
>
> On Friday, December 20, 2013 3:55 AM, Valarie <val.needis at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> Amen Laura!
> On Dec 19, 2013 7:39 PM, "Laura Jacobson" <ravegirl2012 at yahoo.com> wrote:
> >
> > Seriously? Are we in the 1800s still? If my husband ever pulled that
> shit with honey wash my shirts and iron them and you're the maid so clean
> up the living room, he'd get a FU and a kick in the balls and be looking
> for a new wife if he kept that shit up.
> > You go girl! Throw all that shit in the driveway.
> > If he treats you that way he better be making a lot of money and giving
> you a great life, and if he is, then he can hire a fucking maid.
> > Not married and not old here, but if that's what it turns into fuck no,
> not for me.
> > Sorry for my rant, I feel where you're coming from with trying to clean
> up, but not atall with being married to somebody who treats me like the
> maid. I would not ever put up with that shit, unless we're taking turns and
> it's my week to clean up the house or something.
> >
> >
> >
> > On Friday, December 20, 2013 2:46 AM, Valarie <val.needis at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> > For some reason it seems were all pretty good at beating ourselves up.
> > Get it out, and don't hold on to it.
> > <3 Val
> > On Dec 19, 2013 6:24 PM, "Jim Hadey3" <jimhadey3 at gmail.com> wrote:
> >>
> >> Hi Danielle,
> >>
> >> >>>  CAN'T EVEN GET A FUCKING SHIRT RIIIIIIGHT!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS
> WROOOOOONG WITH ME!!!!!!!! I'M THE STUPIDEST, MOST WORTHLESS PERSON
> ALIIIIIVE!!!!!!" You know how that thought process becomes  <<<
> >>
> >> You got to stop beating yourself up, I have no idea what to say cept ya
> gotta love yourself, think better of yourself, it may do ya good to talk to
> someone, maybe clean the air, or clean out the brain, get rid of old
> baggage. What did you do that was so so bad that you do not like yourself?
>  Ever kill anyone, shoot anyone, stab anyone, what was the worse thing you
> ever done?  I don't really know ya but I think you deserve more credit than
> your giving yourself, of course that is just my opinion.
> >>
> >> Oh, there is a book called "Don't sweat the small stuff", my wife read
> it and it didn't seem to help.  Me, I looked at the title and figured it
> out and no longer sweat the small stuff, really.  You'll never be happy if
> ya keep beating yourself up or throwing stuff in the driveway.  And just so
> ya know I used to beat myself up and throw stuff around now and then and
> you got to teach yourself to quit, yeah I understand but you really have to
> be as nice to yourself as you would be to others.
> >>
> >> Best,
> >>
> >>   -JIM
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> On Thu, Dec 19, 2013 at 7:46 PM, danielle <danielle6175 at sbcglobal.net>
> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> So I braced myself for impact knowing that life would be different
> during the "clean living" thing I'm trying out (for now).  I was right.
>  What surprised me is that I was wrong about the parts that would be
> different.  I assumed that the massively stressful things would be my
> undoing.  I don't have a particular desire to deal with massively stressful
> things but adrenaline sort of kicks in when something seems "too much" and
> that helps to soften the blow.
> >>>
> >>> It's the little things that rock my world.  I mean they send me into a
> complete identity crisis, mental tailspin, into the world of; "I'm the scum
> of the earth and I don't deserve to breathe" mode.  I forgot to iron a
> shirt yesterday.  A SHIRT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!  I mean't to.  It was on
> the "to do" list.  We were getting ready to go to my daughter's Christmas
> Program and my Husband couldn't find his shirt and he was annoyed but not
> like completely irate.  He looked in the mirror and said, "Danielle; when
> people look at me their gonna think: 'Dude, that's what your wife thinks of
> you'?
> >>>
> >>> I know, you know, and he know's that was a jackass chauvinistic
> remark.  My normal self would have come up with something clever to say
> that would have properly put him in his place and diffused the situation.
>  Instead; my brain goes into hyper self destruct overdrive where I'm
> thinking: "I CAN'T EVEN GET A FUCKING SHIRT RIIIIIIGHT!!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS
> WROOOOOONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!  I'M THE STUPIDEST, MOST WORTHLESS PERSON
> ALIIIIIVE!!!!!!"  You know how that thought process becomes a domino effect
> where you rethink EVERYTHING you've EVER done wrong since the day you were
> born?  If you're not familiar with that process then just consider yourself
> lucky.  It's what I consider to be the dark side of Crazy Town.
> >>>
> >>> Then there's the "build up" side of having a clear brain where you're
> discovering all the crazy shit you had a ton of patience for because you
> were loving from a place of guilt and remorse.  3 weeks ago I had the house
> CLEEEEEAAAAAN top to bottom.  It's normally clean but this was sparkling.
>  Everyone wanted to eat in the Living Room cause we were watching a movie.
>  Cool; no problem.  Then all the plates started building up.  The cups.
>  The shoes.  The Pepsi cans.  The wrappers.  It's one thing to be a slob in
> a messy house.  It's a very different thing to vandalize a home that
> someone you love spent the whole fucking day breaking her fucking back to
> clean!!  So; I decided to just see if anyone was going to pick anything up.
>  I mean; of course it was just a case of momentary oversight, riiight?
>  NOPE.  All night there was no movement in the direction of a self
> motivated light "pick up".  Then bed time.  NOTHING.  So, I'M PISSED!!!
> Like; homicidal FUMING!!!  I didn't say anything cause I was positive that
> when my Husband got up the next morning he'd see the complete injustice of
> it all and offer to help.  When the next morning rolled around he thought
> he was going to merrily hop, skip, and jump out to the car where he could
> mosey on off.  Then he had the FUCKING NERVE to ask for his lunch AND ask
> if I was going to do anything about the FUCKING LIVING ROOM!!!!!  Which
> made the nerve up by my temple go from pulsating to full on BURST!!  So; I
> said: "The Living Room?  Sure; in fact let me take care of that right now
> babe."  I proceeded to collect every fucking dish, can, and paper (probably
> along with some valuable nik-naks) and threw those items into the driveway
> as hard as I could in an attempt to ensure that whatever was breakable
> shattered to pieces.  OH! MY!!! GAAWD!!!! IT FELT SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!
> >>>
> >>> I have not cleaned the driveway up and I have no plans to.  EVER.  For
> as long as I live; IT WILL BE OVER MY COLD DEAD BODY that I will pick up
> that mess and TRUST ME; it is a HUUUUGE MESS!
> >>>
> >>> I'm fairly certain there were about 5 million more productive and
> mature ways to handle these range of emotions.  Strangely; I feel all warm
> and fuzzy inside knowing I took the low road and I don't have a OUNCE of
> remorse.
> >>>
> >>> So I thought I'd share some surprising realizations in my Clarity
> Experiment.  Trust me; your going to be shocked at all the shit you let
> slide when you come to your senses so be prepared.  Things might get ugly.
>  But; then again that's why "makeup sex" was invented, right?
> >>>
> >>> Disclaimer:  I never pretended to be a well adjusted and mentally
> stable individual.  It is what it is. ; P
> >>>
> >>>
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