[Ibogaine] The Small Things

Valarie val.needis at gmail.com
Fri Dec 20 16:56:16 CST 2013


I am glad this thread is called "the small things,"  because I would hate
for someone that needs help to stop posting because of confusion.
<3 Val

Wait, I'm confused.  For a second I thought you (Laura) were talking to me.
 I was like: "When did I become a racist, womanizing, beer drinking, and
the rest of all these terrible things?"  Also I thought we had a nice
exchange last night...

For the record I know a lot of crappy dudes that are Democrats,
Independent, Libertarian, Republicans, Socialist and all the rest so shame
games based on political affiliation are unfair (for the most part).  I
don't think Republican's have a monopoly on being scumbags.

Jim's a harmless "70's" guy (if I read what's in the archives right).
 You'll see what I mean if you go back a little further on the list and
read what he writes in context.  It's nice that you feel so strongly about
issues of morality but I promise your anger is misguided.

Laura; I enjoy the fact that this is a place where highly dysfunctional
people come together to do their best to do their best .  This is a soft
place to land for you too if that is something you could use.  I've had a
couple incidences where I told everyone to "take everything they ever
thought and go fuck themselves up the ass with it and if they thought to
say one oozy remark to me they could shove it up whatever Orpheus of their
body was left".  That's a literal paraphrase and THANK GOD it was met with
a lot of patience.  One brave soul on here suggested I was dealing with
something like PAW's...which at the time I had no idea what that was.  Come
to find out he was right and all my rage was actually more to do with what
was going on with me than anything external.

Is it possible that your dealing with some life stuff that has made you
more defensive than you'd normally be?  Maybe this situation is a little
bigger than misunderstanding a well intentioned 70's dude?  I mean; your on
a list that generally attracts people dealing with life and death issue's.
 Is there anything we can do to reach out without you mistaking that for an
insult?

My thought's are with you honey.  Feel free to privately message me if
you'd like.

Sincerely,

Danielle

From: Laura Jacobson <ravegirl2012 at yahoo.com>
To: The Ibogaine List <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
Sent: Friday, December 20, 2013 11:55 AM
Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] The Small Things

I can't work up the motivation to get upset with you, I could be wrong but
you come across as a very old white male, whose natural habitat is sitting
on a couch with piles of beer cans watching fox news or sports on tv.
You're probably racist, definitely misogynistic, no doubt vote republican
you get a pass nobody expects anything from you anymore but whoever you're
married to if you're not divorced already is prob eligible for martyr of
the year.


On Friday, December 20, 2013 3:55 AM, Valarie <val.needis at gmail.com> wrote:
Amen Laura!
On Dec 19, 2013 7:39 PM, "Laura Jacobson" <ravegirl2012 at yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> Seriously? Are we in the 1800s still? If my husband ever pulled that shit
with honey wash my shirts and iron them and you're the maid so clean up the
living room, he'd get a FU and a kick in the balls and be looking for a new
wife if he kept that shit up.
> You go girl! Throw all that shit in the driveway.
> If he treats you that way he better be making a lot of money and giving
you a great life, and if he is, then he can hire a fucking maid.
> Not married and not old here, but if that's what it turns into fuck no,
not for me.
> Sorry for my rant, I feel where you're coming from with trying to clean
up, but not atall with being married to somebody who treats me like the
maid. I would not ever put up with that shit, unless we're taking turns and
it's my week to clean up the house or something.
>
>
>
> On Friday, December 20, 2013 2:46 AM, Valarie <val.needis at gmail.com>
wrote:
> For some reason it seems were all pretty good at beating ourselves up.
> Get it out, and don't hold on to it.
> <3 Val
> On Dec 19, 2013 6:24 PM, "Jim Hadey3" <jimhadey3 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Hi Danielle,
>>
>> >>>  CAN'T EVEN GET A FUCKING SHIRT RIIIIIIGHT!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS
WROOOOOONG WITH ME!!!!!!!! I'M THE STUPIDEST, MOST WORTHLESS PERSON
ALIIIIIVE!!!!!!" You know how that thought process becomes  <<<
>>
>> You got to stop beating yourself up, I have no idea what to say cept ya
gotta love yourself, think better of yourself, it may do ya good to talk to
someone, maybe clean the air, or clean out the brain, get rid of old
baggage. What did you do that was so so bad that you do not like yourself?
 Ever kill anyone, shoot anyone, stab anyone, what was the worse thing you
ever done?  I don't really know ya but I think you deserve more credit than
your giving yourself, of course that is just my opinion.
>>
>> Oh, there is a book called "Don't sweat the small stuff", my wife read
it and it didn't seem to help.  Me, I looked at the title and figured it
out and no longer sweat the small stuff, really.  You'll never be happy if
ya keep beating yourself up or throwing stuff in the driveway.  And just so
ya know I used to beat myself up and throw stuff around now and then and
you got to teach yourself to quit, yeah I understand but you really have to
be as nice to yourself as you would be to others.
>>
>> Best,
>>
>>   -JIM
>>
>>
>>
>> On Thu, Dec 19, 2013 at 7:46 PM, danielle <danielle6175 at sbcglobal.net>
wrote:
>>>
>>> So I braced myself for impact knowing that life would be different
during the "clean living" thing I'm trying out (for now).  I was right.
 What surprised me is that I was wrong about the parts that would be
different.  I assumed that the massively stressful things would be my
undoing.  I don't have a particular desire to deal with massively stressful
things but adrenaline sort of kicks in when something seems "too much" and
that helps to soften the blow.
>>>
>>> It's the little things that rock my world.  I mean they send me into a
complete identity crisis, mental tailspin, into the world of; "I'm the scum
of the earth and I don't deserve to breathe" mode.  I forgot to iron a
shirt yesterday.  A SHIRT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!  I mean't to.  It was on
the "to do" list.  We were getting ready to go to my daughter's Christmas
Program and my Husband couldn't find his shirt and he was annoyed but not
like completely irate.  He looked in the mirror and said, "Danielle; when
people look at me their gonna think: 'Dude, that's what your wife thinks of
you'?
>>>
>>> I know, you know, and he know's that was a jackass chauvinistic remark.
 My normal self would have come up with something clever to say that would
have properly put him in his place and diffused the situation.  Instead; my
brain goes into hyper self destruct overdrive where I'm thinking: "I CAN'T
EVEN GET A FUCKING SHIRT RIIIIIIGHT!!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS WROOOOOONG WITH
ME!!!!!!!!  I'M THE STUPIDEST, MOST WORTHLESS PERSON ALIIIIIVE!!!!!!"  You
know how that thought process becomes a domino effect where you rethink
EVERYTHING you've EVER done wrong since the day you were born?  If you're
not familiar with that process then just consider yourself lucky.  It's
what I consider to be the dark side of Crazy Town.
>>>
>>> Then there's the "build up" side of having a clear brain where you're
discovering all the crazy shit you had a ton of patience for because you
were loving from a place of guilt and remorse.  3 weeks ago I had the house
CLEEEEEAAAAAN top to bottom.  It's normally clean but this was sparkling.
 Everyone wanted to eat in the Living Room cause we were watching a movie.
 Cool; no problem.  Then all the plates started building up.  The cups.
 The shoes.  The Pepsi cans.  The wrappers.  It's one thing to be a slob in
a messy house.  It's a very different thing to vandalize a home that
someone you love spent the whole fucking day breaking her fucking back to
clean!!  So; I decided to just see if anyone was going to pick anything up.
 I mean; of course it was just a case of momentary oversight, riiight?
 NOPE.  All night there was no movement in the direction of a self
motivated light "pick up".  Then bed time.  NOTHING.  So, I'M PISSED!!!
Like; homicidal FUMING!!!  I didn't say anything cause I was positive that
when my Husband got up the next morning he'd see the complete injustice of
it all and offer to help.  When the next morning rolled around he thought
he was going to merrily hop, skip, and jump out to the car where he could
mosey on off.  Then he had the FUCKING NERVE to ask for his lunch AND ask
if I was going to do anything about the FUCKING LIVING ROOM!!!!!  Which
made the nerve up by my temple go from pulsating to full on BURST!!  So; I
said: "The Living Room?  Sure; in fact let me take care of that right now
babe."  I proceeded to collect every fucking dish, can, and paper (probably
along with some valuable nik-naks) and threw those items into the driveway
as hard as I could in an attempt to ensure that whatever was breakable
shattered to pieces.  OH! MY!!! GAAWD!!!! IT FELT SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!
>>>
>>> I have not cleaned the driveway up and I have no plans to.  EVER.  For
as long as I live; IT WILL BE OVER MY COLD DEAD BODY that I will pick up
that mess and TRUST ME; it is a HUUUUGE MESS!
>>>
>>> I'm fairly certain there were about 5 million more productive and
mature ways to handle these range of emotions.  Strangely; I feel all warm
and fuzzy inside knowing I took the low road and I don't have a OUNCE of
remorse.
>>>
>>> So I thought I'd share some surprising realizations in my Clarity
Experiment.  Trust me; your going to be shocked at all the shit you let
slide when you come to your senses so be prepared.  Things might get ugly.
 But; then again that's why "makeup sex" was invented, right?
>>>
>>> Disclaimer:  I never pretended to be a well adjusted and mentally
stable individual.  It is what it is. ; P
>>>
>>>
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