[Ibogaine] cry for help

Aaron Baskin aaron.c.baskin at gmail.com
Mon Mar 28 22:00:51 EDT 2011

This is an awesome community and resource.  I was feeling so low when I
wrote my original post, I felt almost invisible...like no one would even pay
me any mind whatsoever, and you guys proved me totally wrong.

I like what you said about iboga finding me if I keep searching.  I believe
it.  Iboga is not the one that is lost, I am.  I have an excellent support
system already in place, I am a member of a 12-step brainwash cult...my
brain needs washing.  Aside from the brainwashing aspect, there are about a
zillion meetings in NYC...so I've managed to find some true gems amongst the
members.  Your average 12 steppers I do not like...but the fellowship has
afforded me some TRUE friends that I am very grateful for.  Unfortunately,
none of them have any fuckin money...so they can't help me get the
treatment.  I guess I just don't identify with people who *do *have money
for some reason :P   Yes, suboxone is evil shit...no doubt.  However, I'd
rather take a crumb of suboxone when and how I want to than sign up with
another deathadone clinic.  FUCK that shit.  NEVER AGAIN.

yes, again...the sub IS evil.  When I use it, I use as little as humanly
possible.  The first day after dope, I may use as much as 2mg...but after
that I go down very rapidly to about a quarter mg or so.  It's REALLY strong
stuff...just because your head doesn't feel it doesn't mean it's not active,
because it's VERY active even at such TINY doses.  The only advantage it *does
 *have over methadone is that because the head does not feel it, I can have
more sub than I need laying around and not be tempted to take it to cop a
buzz.  Unfortunately, if I have a big bottle of methadone around, I may find
an excuse to down it in one gulp :(   As I said above, I made some really
amazing friends, but they're just barely getting by financially.  Family...I
am the only child of 2 junkies that were both adopted.  One is in prison,
and the other killed herself 4 years ago this month.  They were financially
useless anyways.  As far as their adoptive families go, the ones I consider
"family" don't have any money...and the ones that *do  *have it are
retarded.  If I even tried to explain myself to them, I'd probably get
responses along the lines of "I am not going to give you money to buy drugs
with...I don't care *what *kind of drugs they are !"  Shitty situation...but
I can't blame any of them, I am in the situation as a result of decisions
*I* made and actions *I* took.

it's a crying fucking shame that you are absolutely right to be as cautious
as you are.  All I can say is that if you offered to help me I would do
ANYTHING I had to do in order to show you that I am who I say I am.  As far
as track marks go, I wouldn't even use that as a litmus test...in a police
state, law enforcement is a microcosm of the population they're supposed to
be protecting, and we have cops that really are criminals.  We also have a
police department that is damn near looking to manufacture crime so they can
keep their arrest numbers up.  Less arrests equals less crime equals LESS
COPS.  I would not at all be surprised to see or hear of a LEO giving
themselves track marks, or even learning how to inject themselves so they
could make their bust.  NYC is fucking broke.  Last time I went through
central booking, there was an UNREAL amount of people there for NICKEL BAGS
and ROACHES....FUCKING POT man...they're putting people in HANDCUFFS and
CAGES over fucking PLANTS again, to keep their numbers up and to give out
FINES and put some money in the cities coffers.  IT MOST DEFINITELY STINKS
OUT LOUD man...and you can definitely count me in when it's time to make
noise.  Unfortunately, nobody wants to make noise because people only do
that sort of thing when they believe in the system, and believe that the
system is listening to them.  As far as the system goes, there is NOTHING to
believe in...NOBODY is listening.  It's fucking heartbreaking, and I'm sure
you and I could go on about it for days on end...but ultimately it'd be like
shitting my pants, nobody will feel it but me.  Maybe after I get my own
plate sorted out, I can make my noise by treating others.  That has been my
plan all along.  I did have a couple years sober at one point, and the most
important thing I learned was that I got and stayed sober as long as I did
because PEOPLE HELPED ME, and I need to keep the cycle going 10
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