[Ibogaine] OT or not?? Depression rant

Matt S ibogamail at gmail.com
Sun Apr 3 12:00:15 EDT 2011

The thing I hate about headshrinkers is you are usually a handful of 
visits in (and out a couple of hundred bucks) before you can really tell 
if they are going to work for you or not.  I hate shopping for a decent 
headshrinker for that very reason.  Its expensive and time consuming.  
But if you can find a decent one, it can be productive.  In my opinion 
if you cannot be completely honest with your shrink, then you have the 
wrong shrink.  If they cannot give you unconditional positive regard, no 
matter what shit you unload on them, then they should probably take up a 
new profession.

That doesn't mean they have to co-sign all of your bullshit but it 
absolutely means that you should never feel judged by them.  If you tell 
them about ibogaine and they get that "oh here we go" look in their eye, 
then its probably time for a new headshrinker.

But I'm like you Randy in that my current shrink is a woman and I much 
prefer it that way (although I am not going to ever try to get in her 
pants).  My NA sponsor has been going on for years about how I need more 
close male friendships.  But my experience is that guys tend to be less 
emotionally available and project their own masculine inadequacies when 
you start talking about the really deep stuff.  Maybe it would be 
different with a headshrinker, I  don't know for sure because I always 
choose female therapists based on this kind of personal experience with 
my relationships with other men, although I have had a couple of male 
therapists in the more distant past who I felt at the time seemed 
somewhat aloof.  If I want to talk about the incomprehensibility of the 
female mind, then I'll talk to a guy, if I want to talk about how fucked 
up my feelings get in certain situations, I'll talk to a girlfriend 
(they are all platonic girlfriends BTW) or my wife.

I told my headshrinker about my entheogen use and she expressed some 
misgivings but said that if it actually is the way I say it is (which is 
a good way of saying that she has concerns based on my history of 
addiction but that she takes me at my word), then she is on-board with 
my continued use of them.  She also has her own history with having used 
mescaline and acid and shrooms so she knows something of the matter 
herself.  People sometimes refer to using drugs as a "crutch".  And I 
understand that characterization.  But if your leg is broken no-one ever 
says "I think your just using that crutch as a crutch."  A crutch has a 
legitimate use.  It is only when the use of the crutch actually prevents 
proper healing that it becomes problematic.  In my opinion my ability to 
get in touch with and process my feelings is something like a broken 
leg, it got fucked up when I was younger and it needs healing (and I 
need assistance in affecting that healing).  So for me, entheogens are 
sometimes a crutch in that regard, although they often serve other 
purposes of a more spiritual matter as well.

A good therapist should be enrolled in the plan to see you healed, 
whatever form that healing has to take, not enrolled in a plan to 
reinforce their own preconceptions and underlying beliefs.


On 4/3/2011 5:01 AM, Randy Faulconer wrote:
>       Well, it's fuckin' given that I'm GONNA say something about 
> Ibogaine at one point or the other. But don't cha think when I walk in 
> and sit down and don't use a can to spit tobacco in that she is gonna 
> know I'm a little different, escpecially after I have to talk to her. 
> What am I supposed to act like a dumb ass?? I mean I can, it doesn't 
> hurt to be able to take on a persona, but that's the whole fucking 
> point. I don't wanna have to put on some kind of personna.
>         I mean I am what the hell I am. A nuerotoc, posibbly bi-polar, 
> (personally I think that Fallen is right, I have somekind of quick 
> cycling thing. She know me well.
>          I had this whole thing written up and it went to cyber hell 
> or it was so good that somebody ripped me of for  it. But what the 
> fuck, I aint looking to make money offa what I put out on the 
> internet. I'm just trying to help and make a few people laugh.
>           Long story short when I went into detox the last time 
> everybody thought I was talking shit. I mean hell I was benzo'd outta 
> head for 3 fucking days what the hell do you expect. But I used no 
> names. Just mine. ON  Sunday as I was waking up a little this guy 
> found a guitar with fucked up strings on it, so I made it palayable 
> and did 4 originals (one named Ibogaine) and 3 requests, played 
> harmonica lead for about aminute and then went into my Occa Pella 
> version of a song I wrote called Woman that I use the harmonica to 
> answer my vocal track.
>            After that and after one of the nurses actually google 
> Ibogaine and my name they treated me with a whole lot more respect
>           I wasn't the delusional freak running around anymore.
>     So anyway, I'll spring it on her when it feels right, I won't blow 
> her away with it. She'll have enough to get used to as it is,
>               Much Love
>                    Randy
>                       BiscuitBoy Blues
> On Sat, Apr 2, 2011 at 11:04 PM, James Forristal 
> <psychonaut101 at gmail.com <mailto:psychonaut101 at gmail.com>> wrote:
>     I've ran across a few therapist that are really quick to take
>     whatever illness or discomfort you are having and blame it all on
>     the unauthorized medication/activities you are involved in.  It's
>     a quick and simple answer for them and it has the nice additional
>     benefit of reassuring them that these illicit drugs are just bad
>     which further solidifies their world veiw of western medical
>     reductionism is the only way.   Not saying they all are like this,
>     just be mindfullof that motivation if you bring ibogaine into the
>     picture. ;-)
>     On Apr 2, 2011 5:19 PM, "Randy Faulconer" <bicuitboy714 at gmail.com
>     <mailto:bicuitboy714 at gmail.com>> wrote:
>     > Fallen, You know me and you know I would never be as blatant it
>     > sounds and would never cross the harasment category. Not to say
>     I wouldn't
>     > comment on her jewlery or the color of here nails (if she has
>     them, I think
>     > they ROCK) or any other kind thing I could think of. You have to
>     wait and
>     > see how that thing is recieved and then
>     > you...............................uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwhy am I
>     telling you this.
>     > I love you dearly but I don't wanna discuss my technique with
>     ya. LOL
>     > Peace Love and Southern Gentleman
>     > Randy
>     > BiscuitBot Blues
>     > On Wed, Mar 30, 2011 at 12:56 AM, fallen eden
>     <falleneden1 at gmail.com <mailto:falleneden1 at gmail.com>> wrote:
>     >
>     >> Uh* *I dunno if you really wanna use Patrick's dick.... you
>     were right
>     >> about how fuckin funny that sounds however..
>     >>
>     >> But anyways Randy, it just occurred to me that you might be
>     something of a
>     >> cyclic BPD.. my memory is still foggy (Damn hospital MRSA) so I
>     can't
>     >> remember the specific name of the disorder, but the idea is
>     that rather than
>     >> going manic-to-depressive over a several month period, you
>     fluctuate much
>     >> faster- maybe manic a few days with a sudden spike of
>     near-suicide and
>     >> depression for a day or two, then back up to either a baseline
>     state or
>     >> manic state, and the cycle continues. I believe they sometimes
>     call it rapid
>     >> cycling, but it also could be that things have been hard for
>     you already,
>     >> and the stress of everything can really exacerbate mood swings.
>     Classic BPD
>     >> I is more like a month or longer of mania, then a similar month
>     or more
>     >> switch to depression; in some cases the manic phases will occur
>     in spring
>     >> and summer and the depressives in fall and winter.
>     >>
>     >> I think, regarding talking about ibogaine.. Figure out exactly
>     just who
>     >> you're seeing. Is this a psychologist or psychiatrist? If they're a
>     >> psychiatrist, fuck 'em (most of them, at least- but I've seen a
>     few good
>     >> ones) and keep your mouth very shut unless it truly appears
>     that the person
>     >> is open-minded, or brings up say medicinal marijuana as
>     something that
>     >> should finally get approved in your state.. you know what I
>     mean. But
>     >> otherwise, with your typical clipboard and/or notepad holding
>     psychiatrist
>     >> who doesn't speak much (other than, Go On, and I See,) and
>     wants you to
>     >> ramble on about whatever while they quietly take notes, then
>     slaps down a
>     >> triplicate on his desk for you of several psych meds he wants
>     you on and
>     >> quickly makes your next appointment and kicks you out.. that's
>     a don't say
>     >> anything type situation.. Rule of thumb I go by is that "most"
>     psychiatrists
>     >> don't want to hear it and will use it against you in your file
>     and add it on
>     >> as some kind of psychedelic abuse. They're just MDs with a one
>     or maybe
>     >> two year specialization in psychology, which is why they
>     generally suck at
>     >> actual counselling, but psychologist go through *at least* six
>     years study
>     >> in psychology in order to go into clinical practice (four years
>     on a
>     >> bachelors, 2 years on a masters or PhD, then usually even
>     longer doing
>     >> post-grad work in the field.)
>     >> But then if you're seeing a psychologist, you might be able to
>     talk about
>     >> ibogaine. (And Yeah, you really should try to see a male in
>     general- psychs
>     >> and psychiatrists don't take too kindly to you trying to come
>     onto them,
>     >> plus you'll get something like a sexual-type disorder slapped
>     in your file.
>     >> And anyways, in general, it's better to see someone of the same sex
>     >> regardless.) Ask what school of thought the psychologist
>     belongs to.. are
>     >> they cognitive behavioral, or more the old school freud type, or
>     >> transpersonal (probably not) but in general you should be able
>     to get a
>     >> feeling about how "okay" the person would be about hearing
>     about ibo.. just
>     >> don't go in yapping about it right off the bat, and have some
>     research to
>     >> reference like Dr. Mash (I KNOW, some people have their
>     "things" with her,
>     >> but it's really helpful being able to reference a PhD whose
>     research can be
>     >> read by the psychologist.)
>     >>
>     >> But one thing, remember the confidentiality laws can be waved
>     if you intend
>     >> to harm yourself or another person.. so don't necessarily feel
>     too safe
>     >> talking about ibo if you're simultaneously suicidal.. focus on
>     that first if
>     >> it's an issue..
>     >> On Mon, Mar 28, 2011 at 5:00 AM, Randy Faulconer
>     <bicuitboy714 at gmail.com <mailto:bicuitboy714 at gmail.com>
>     >> > wrote:
>     >>
>     >>> Hi yalls, it's me the BiscuitBoy. I have a sure fired way to
>     >>> get outta the blues. Now I anit talikng about the cool blues,
>     I'm talking
>     >>> about the kind blues where you think about checking out
>     somehow. Put the
>     >>> album/cd/tape/mp333333333333333 Exile on Main Street and hit
>     play. The first
>     >>> song that comes on is Rocks Off. If you are into music as much
>     as I am it
>     >>> will imediatly change your mood. If it doesn't work maybe some
>     lithium is in
>     >>> order.
>     >>> I'm officially in the elite crowd of Manic Depressive fucking Bi
>     >>> Polar. I was diagnosed a couple weeks ago. I'm going to be
>     going to therapy
>     >>> in Paris KY. I have gone from treating addicts all over the
>     upper states to
>     >>> having therapy in
>     well......................................Hicksville.
>     >>> What do yall think this therapist will do if I tell the truth
>     about
>     >>> what I have been up to. I'm gonna have my phone ready to take
>     a picture when
>     >>> I tell them about Ibogaine and my involvment in it. They will
>     probably think
>     >>> I'm delusional umtil I convinve them to google my name and see
>     I've been
>     >>> published writing about my Ibogaine experience. Plus there a
>     bunch of hits
>     >>> on topics concerning Ibo. O well, what the fuck, they can't
>     kill me or put
>     >>> me in jail there is a patient confidenty clause. Plus it is a
>     woman I will
>     >>> see . If she is at all attractive I will try and get in her
>     pants, I just
>     >>> know it. It happens every time I have a female therapist. I
>     asked for a man
>     >>> but they couldn't work that out. With a male therapist that
>     sex thing I have
>     >>> in me won't come out 'cause I'm noy gay. Plus it's a while
>     since I got
>     >>> laid. I'm most definitely on the hunt. I'd even use Patricks
>     dick if I had
>     >>> to. Well, yall know that joke, I wouldn't even fuck her with
>     your dick,
>     >>> right?? Well at this point I'm on a manic up swing I guess.
>     Patrick told me
>     >>> something about being manic. Hell he diagnosed me manic the
>     fisrt time we
>     >>> met. Well that and reaqding what I write. He said take
>     advantage of the big
>     >>> upswings to create. I guess we are both artists. Hell he's a
>     genius (my
>     >>> fucking spill chigger won't recognise that spe;;;ing genius),
>     I'll be
>     >>> damned I think I figured out. I'm not a genius, but I am a
>     hell of a
>     >>> musician. I will use these feelings to strart putting down
>     tracks. I have a
>     >>> whole CD of things written. A lot of them about Ibogaine or
>     created
>     >>> afterwards. I swear I think it made me more creative or gave
>     me pernission
>     >>> to realize I can really rip. I used to think I was tricking
>     people when I
>     >>> got paid to play and I have done that since I was 12 years
>     old. I figured
>     >>> every body could do what I was doing they just didn't try. I
>     figured since
>     >>> it was so easy to teach myself the harmonica, sax, keyboards,
>     guitar, drums
>     >>> and figure out how to sing true harmony. I have since realized
>     what I have
>     >>> is a gift that I owe to God. Yall will see when I put a link
>     up to hear the
>     >>> stuff.
>     >>>
>     >>> OK end of rant. Anyway depression is a bitch but you can
>     >>> deal with it. Do what your good at as much as you can. Music
>     is what I do,
>     >>> I've been getting paid to play since 1969. I won't stop now.
>     >>>
>     >>> Peace Love and The Underground
>     >>> Randy
>     >>> BiscuitBoy Blues
>     >>>
>     >>>
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