[Ibogaine] It a moderate dose (Jeremy)
helpful_hopeful at yahoo.com
Thu Feb 4 08:15:18 EST 2010
Not to be rude or disrespectful Jeremy, I often read your rants and understand a bit about your pain and troubles in your life, however with you constantly angry at the world and your situation, it would seem the attitude is what is keeping you from making better connections with people, and also might be helping the people who stereotype you.
I might suggest trying to gain a bit more positive outlook on life, and things may start to look up, although, obviously your problems will never go away completely. Not saying you don't have every right to be angry and mad at the world and what "God" has handed you, however, I believe attitude is everything. Dealing with the pain everyday I am sure is a difficult thing, but it also can be a private matter, and many people, as you said yourself, cannot look at you and tell there is something wrong.
Try, just when you can, to think a bit more positive and let that shine in the dealings you have with the people "ignorant" of your issues. They only have power over your happiness if you let them, so try and focus on the positive things in your life, even if they seem small or insignificant, because once you begin to notice the positive aspects in your life, dealing with the negative aspects can seem much less terrible.
I hope this doesn't sound preachy, or nor do I claim to understand all of your pain, however I do read nearly all of your emails to the list and lots of your extremely angry rants, where you pretty much detest doctors and where you live, as well as your medical problem. Now you can't change the medical problem I am sure, but you can change your area, you can change the people you deal with daily (including doctors), and you can have much more control over what happens in your life, BUT, and I mean a big BUT, you can control the emotions you feel over it all, and you CAN change the way you react in these situations.
I wish only the best for your Jeremy, but I do think that even a slight change in attitude or maybe a posting a day about the good things that came to pass through your day, may just start to boost your mood, and many of these angry rants could become more of a log of small, but happy personal things that go on in your life. You know misery loves company and when you only spew your misery, I think "it" really enjoys keeping you company. I hope you can find a ray of sunshine or moment of peace and clarity soon, and I wish you all the best.
Stay positive and positive things just may happen!
Respectfully and with love,
From: Jeremy Spence <jlspence12 at gmail.com>
To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
Sent: Sun, January 31, 2010 4:33:08 AM
Subject: [Ibogaine] It a moderate dose
It's a lot for the medical idiots.
That think 200 mgs of morphine a lextreme dose of pain meds.
They are idiots!
They never been in the kind of fucking pain I've mother fuck'en been in.
I tend to not like extreme doses,
But for some poeple that's all they mother fucken got!!
I tend to be for less nowadays, but I'm in less pain while I'm saying that too!
So u must factor that in as well..
I know pain, "physcial" pain better then anybody.
I got a IC and I'm a mother fucken male.
So there u go.
Pain "in your dick"
Yea, you could say "that's painful"
Or u could say like the medical dumb asses "he just wanted it to get mother fucken pain meds"
My life has been "ruined" over this this.
But life "goes on"
"the show must go on"
I'm sick of this judge a mother fucker for what meda they take shit.
It's so fun to smile about a persons red
flag meds "until" "it's u" Being fucked over "life"
(Aka getting shot, stabed, ran the fuck over, bleeding out, getting shot at,
Or WTFE going on it "happening to u"
Then ita all "different"
It's also a lot more instresting when a big, strong, "looking" "human" "meaning either sex......
(aka means "nothing" out side of your a idiot if you thank you can "look at a person and tell what's going on, because looking at me defys that! Completely!!)
It' so much cool to watch a good looking "human" go down and get desacrated....... It's so much "funner" to watch that!!!!!
I think your on a moderate dose.
Methadone could help you get stable on you meds.
It "WILL" stablize you doses some.
But it not a "cure all" either..
Ibogaine comes "extremely close"
It is one hell of a "powerful" drug!
"and should be" "respected"
It is a "extremely" "powerful drug"
I doubt it too when I 1st got on here, "not any more"
It need to be watches closely.
Or taken in small doses and watched how much taken.
And "no other meds or drugs, legal or illegal"
Benzos are ok with it, but kill some of the + effects of ibogaine.
It's killedy visions some, I just got a few and they went away.
It was really cool to get a chance to get to see my 1st visions.
I had one of a "rabbit"
I took it to be i've had "represses sexual tention, but I'm not the type to act on that shit.
I'm not selling my soul down the river for some "godless shit"
I'm "NOT!!" Doing that!
And won't pick up "dirt" and selling it in my next new book deal for a million either!!!
I don't care to hear poeples fucken "dirt"
I could careless about "the dirt"
On human beings.
Poeple need to get a "fucken life!!"
And leave poepke "the fuck alone!!!"
The medical poeple need to let poeple mother fuck "be"
And pain patients "should get more"
"free passes in life"
But they don't.
Would want to add a tad bit more compassion to the world, no we can't have that now could we...
Some body may actucally get "better"
How about that??
Man, wouldn't that really be something..
I wake up and and think "what the fuck is mother fucking wrong with these mother fuckibg poeple(humans)
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