[Ibogaine] (no subject)

Jeremy Spence jlspence12 at gmail.com
Sat Sep 5 19:45:35 EDT 2009


Nothing!! You solved a problem

To many people are too judgemental..
I try not to judge anybody

You don't know the full story ..
Even MJs doctor,

I don't judge him .. I think he's stupid, but I don't judge him.

I think he should thought of the worst before it happen..

And had a ALS bag right there the whole time..

I would have if it was me..
Oxygen the works..

How the fuck did he think he was going to give all that shit with a od??

All through IV..

And not having everything there to being him back..
No way..

That's what I jugde him for..
He should had it all ready to go, right there.

And a heart needle as well!!
Ready to jump start that mother fuckers heart..

That's what I'm kind of shity about..

The mixing and matching of all those meds. I won't even drink coffee  
with my adderal anymore..

No mixing drugs..
I don't mix shit anymore, I just don't..

It's not safe..

Any docs knows you don't mix meds that both do the same thing..
U just don'T

And if you do, you got ALS ready to go.. Right there, the whole time..  
Watching, the whole time..

You can't leave, you just can't..
Got got to sit there ready to go if something happens..

He could have lived if he had been better perpared.. I don't blame the  
dealth on the doc totally. I think Jacko, was going "to find a way" to  
sleep forever..

I don't think he could live with his self..
It was bound to happen sooner or later..

It's so sad it had to be all blamed on a doc..

Because jacko was going to find a way to be fucked to hell. I don't  
think there was any saving that dude..

When poeple are that determed to kill them selfs there reallly no  
stoping them..

But I think there should be better inter vention.. However, It would  
have taken a certain speical person to put up with that BS....

I think I would tried to at least tell him every day, you can't do  
this to your self..

I don't think he had anybody who really gave a damm.. I don't  
understand poeple greed.

I really don't..

I guess I been quite humbled.. And at a young age..

I was always a good person in own way, I had a rare find for a mother  
also. So I think that mattered also..
I think when the mother fucked up, it hurts a lot more to the kid..  
The father can be fucked up, and I won't effect a kid near as bad..  
Depending on how fucked up and how much abuse is dished out??
And if both parents are fucked up and abusive, you may have just made  
a natural born killer on your hands??

But going through my illness made me even more aware of un thinkable  
suffering..

So in a way I made me a beter person.. But on the other hand it made  
me insurcure and closed in and able to form close rel.(hey, still can,  
on the internet!!!  (Crazy, loony to some, but quite true) I at least  
feel safer on the Internet., hard for poeple to fly over and clean you  
out "phyically.."
That's what I could not stand about the drug game. My town is fucked!!
I don't know why?? But it's jack, jack, jack' de jack!!
And thosevpoeple lived for it!!
I could not understand it.
I guess I happen to meet the worst poeple in my small town..
I understand a 20 here a 20 there, but that not how it went..

It's call 1500 dollar TV here, 1500 dollar sterio here, 600 dollars  
here.
These poeple were ruthless..

When got involved with these fuckers I really didn't fully understand  
how fucked up these poeple would go..

I telling you, If your in the game at all in my town, you beter be  
packing some heat..
You better!!! Or don't fuck with it, period, end of story, and to tell  
you the truth, that probably not going to help you, because these  
poeple strike when you not there..
And act real nice, but are total scum..

Its so fucked up., it's sad shite..

I'm still not over all of it, and I will never that stupid again..
If I feel one horrible fribe, I'm out..
I'm not fucking with them..
I only fuck with poeple in real life I know.. Realky well anymore.
I'm done getting cleaned out..
I reather be alone, then deal with that..
It's sad, but it's how it is...



I still curse my illness to hell..

But I do think it made me care more about true suffering..
I don't think I would cared near as much..
I mean, some times that's all you can do is tell a person you at least  
care..

Was tought in my Emt class, to not make comemts..
It doesn't help..

If you get to a point you think you can share something, then so be it..

Be saying, BS like god got a plan, go find god, it all for god, at  
least you got the other arm still intact, or leg, you got you dick  
blown the fuck off by that car bomb, you can always use strap on..


None of that helps when a person going through incredible loss.

We've all done it..
But think just being as supportful as you can, and try to give support  
by a hug or a touch of the hand is about all you can do..

Saying all this shit is just going to piss poeple off more. Then your  
not helping nobody..

I know, it's been done to me..
And i've done it also..

I think the least helpful choice of words is "go find god.."

I had one of horrible exs say that to me, and I still hate her for  
that BS..

But it's my fault, I should said fuvk it..
We are done,, and left it as that..
We had a great time!!! It was real fun!!
But now it's in fuck it mode..

If I had it to do again, I said "fuck it"

I still had this fucked up belief back then I could stop a person from  
leaving by some semi meaningful words, or acts or other by means..

I believed what they portray in movies all the time..
I guess for a extremely lucky few, Maybe.. And anymore, I don't even  
believe that..

I sorry if this was off topic, just writing Normal BS that on my mind..

J





J

On Sep 5, 2009, at 10:25 AM, "Halyna" <halyna at isp01.net> wrote:

> Don't know who judged you but I absolutely agree with you: whatever  
> it takes!
> To do nothing would be negligent; given the nature of the situation  
> your course of action was right.
> Halyna
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Randy Faulconer
> To: The Ibogaine List
> Sent: Saturday, September 05, 2009 5:00 AM
> Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] (no subject)
>
>          Hey Edward, that's a good question. I think that the  
> violence went down after Prohibition was done away with.
>
>          I'm a big time gun right advocate. I was taught how to use  
> one and what it is for by the age of 8 years old down on my families  
> farm. Matter of fact I was almost drummed out of the Ibo corps  
> because I shot the racoon that was eating my mother's Guinea hens. I  
> got home one day and she came up to me crying saying that her Ms  
> Fancy got eaten by this racoon the night before. (my mother very  
> seldom cries so it freaked me out) I went inside and got my shotgun  
> and went to the edge of the woods behind the Guinea house. The  
> racoon walked right to me. It was meant to be. I was looking up in  
> the trees thinking that I will never get that racoon with all of  
> these trees here when I heard some leaves rustle so I froze and  
> there it was.
>
>          For doing that some people I know said that I wasn't right  
> for Ibogaine, I shouldn't be a provider I was too violent. Now, this  
> dude didn't grow up like I did, I was taught to take care of things  
> that were killing your animals or ruining your crops. Pure and  
> simple. Why was that wrong?? I have as much love for people as he  
> dose, and probably more. talking about being judgmental. Damn!!
>
>                Peace Love and Rimfires
>                         Randy
>                            BiscuitBoy Blues
>
> On Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 7:14 PM, Edward A. Weissbard <edwardw at mtciep.com 
> > wrote:
> Yeah, seems hopeless down there.  I think at least the violence was  
> minimized before, President Calderon declared "war" against the  
> cartels....seems like he made it worse.  I think legalization of  
> some sort would be the way to go to reduce some of the the terrible  
> violence in Mexico.  I was thinking, did the violence disappear or  
> was reduced in the Chicago area after prohibition was lifted back in  
> the 30's......I wonder if the same model would have the same effect?
>
> ___________________
> Edward edwardw at mtciep.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Jeremy Spence wrote:
> I think it's hopeless over there..
>
> I would hate to be involved with        the game over there..
>
> You have to carry a gun at all times..
>
> But yet guns are illegal..
>
> It just shows you what making guns illegal does..
> Only the hardest of crimals will have them!!
>
> It show the US what happens when you take away gun rights..
> Only the ass hole will have them..
>
> I just can't believe have cold those mothers fuckers are..
>
> They really don't care who dies
> even them self..
> That just can't be right.,
>
> Line up mothers and wasting them..
> Fuck up shit
>
> Can't picture it..
>
> Hard to picture..
>
> I've been lucky I have not had to see shit like that, but I know it  
> happens..
> And it happens when you least        expect it. And where you least  
> expect it..
>
> MX crazy.. They Just dont just a give a
> Fuck..
> They really don't..
>
> Its pretty fucked up..
>
> They been in the game so long their brains are fried.
>
> I been pretty fucked up, but I can't even think of becoming that  
> fucked up..
>
> J
>
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