[Ibogaine] The War on Consciousness , Marc Emery

Randy Faulconer bicuitboy714 at gmail.com
Wed Sep 26 16:31:14 EDT 2007


       I can speak for myself here. I hardly knew my dad. My Mom left him
when I was 5 years old. She did that out of self and child preservation. He
had a bunch of problems on top of being a alcoholic hard charging Marine.
Couldn't handle his own emotions for shit, but would kick the shit outta
anybody that would give him a hard time about it, or anything for that
matter.

    As far as my family life went tho, I was loved by everybody I came in
contact with. I had a lot of male influences in my life to take up for my
father not being there. Knowing this I always figured that him being gone in
my life was no big deal and I avoided talking about him in therapy until
this year. It's been some of the hardest therapy to deal with I have ever
had. Thank God I have a great therapist. Sad to say that she is leaving and
I will have to find another one in about 3 weeks. I could just tell myself
that I don't need anymore therapy and quit but continue with my meds.
Naaaaaaaaaaa I'm too sick for that so I'll find another therapist and if the
first one doesn't fit me.............Yourrrrrrrrrrr fired. On to the next
one.

        The last year has been pretty rough as far as medical problems and
finance....well if you have no finance I guess you can't have a problem huh?
But I have handled things so much better that my family is amazed but don't
say much about it for fear of jinxing me.

        Ibogaine changed my life but there is so much more to getting better
for me, maybe for some of yall, that's your call. I feel like anybody that
has carried around an addiction for a while needs some therapy to help
themselves change the destructive behavior that got them addicted in the
first place. I can take Ibogaine any time I want to pretty much, but I know
that there is a lot more to getting better than that.

      Eric Taub put the idea of abandonment by a significant male in my life
back in 2004, it took me this long to get to dealing with it.

      Peace Love and Therapy
        Randy



On 9/26/07, Luke Christoffersen <luke.christoffersen at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Hi Simon,
>              There's one thing I've noticed about the strangeness of
> addicts or other messed up people coming from so called 'good homes'.
> People/Parents often don't behave the same way when other people are around
> than they do when children are at home when there's no one to see what the
> dynamic is really like.  I've seen it in my own life and in things I've
> heard from others.  What my look like a happy home from the outside could be
> miserable and lonely for the child.  Then when people grow up they can't
> remember it, don't know there was anything wrong. Most people bury the
> memories
>             Often I think the idea of a traumatic childhood is thought of
> as someone who was sexually abused or other of the extreme ends of this area
> but years of little things like being criticized or not being allowed to
> express oneself build up to cause terrible lifelong damage.  I think there's
> many things that take place in 'good' homes that destroy the child from
> being the person he or she needs to be allowed to be. I didn't come from a
> broken home or poor home or anything like that, there was a lot of enjoyment
> in my childhood too, but I still grew to be miserable and twisted and
> suffering with self hatred because of negativity during my early life but
> once I'd grown up I had long forgotten and and no idea understanding of what
> was wrong inside me even though the hurt was still inside me. Drink and
> drugs allowed me to free myself for a time.
>
> Luke
>
>
> On 9/23/07, simon loxton <simonloxton at yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
> >
> >  This maybe true, but being an addict or ex addict I have had plenty of
> > friends who came from very good homes. Then there are the addicts that are
> > very motivated and good in business you just don't hear about the last two
> > because they manage to keep things covered up quite well and have the
> > finances to keep them out of trouble and out of the public eye. As an
> > example, the guy who I developed a habit with was a Dutch school teacher, he
> > still had a good relationship with his family and had a "normal" life other
> > than the fact that he was addicted to heroin.
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
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