[Ibogaine] Lee suboxone

Jellking jellking at yahoo.com
Sun Sep 23 21:05:50 EDT 2007


howdy Matt, yes, I saw your post and thought, wow, we did that simultaneously, or near enough as to make no diff.  One slight thing about me that's different, I don't know if I would call it "making peace," though maybe.  My slant is a bit Buddhist, actually, I just know that pain is there, that it doesn't change (because it's in me, not on the outside), that I can't exactly "conquer" it, or make it go away, but at the same time, knowing that, honoring it in a way, because it is part of who I am, I just try to let it be.  I feel pain and anger over these memories, and perhaps those are the appropriate feelings for them, but there you have it. I haven't been able to do this until recently (and I'm 54!), but a part of me just got tired of the emotional trauma.  Now, every morning, these memories arise, and every morning, I say to myself, so be it, but then I think about other things, as much as I can.  I sometimes think about thinking about it, like a meditation.  Then they
 arise again, etc. I recognize that I've lived with this most of my life, and it hasn't killed me yet, it's just some feelings I have (my issue is no longer with what happened, but that I can't stop remembering it, I guess), and I move on to whatever.  Or try to.  So maybe it is peace, maybe it's because I just wore out the anger around it, and now when that anger surfaces, I tend to say to myself, "get over yourself.  you can't change what happened."  I also sometimes (not always) get far enough in the mediation process to realize, really, what ibogaine taught me is I wouldn't want to change it, it's who I am.  the good and the bad, ya know?  The main lesson I absorbed from ibogaine is that everything I ever was, and everything I will ever be, are united in this present moment.  Ommmmm.  Yes? Jane

Matthew Shriver <Matt at ITSupport.net> wrote:        v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}  o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}  w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}  .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);}                Hi Jane
  I for one agree with you.  I posted essentially the same message at the same time you did.  My message came in just after yours but I hadn’t seen yours when I posted it.  I think that what IS, meaning things that cannot ever be changed, which of course always includes our history; I think those things must be integrated in order to make peace with them.  There is just no getting around it.  You cannot change what already IS.
  Matt
   
   
      
---------------------------------
  
  From: ibogaine-bounces at mindvox.com [mailto:ibogaine-bounces at mindvox.com] On Behalf Of Jellking
Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2007 5:50 PM
To: The Ibogaine List
Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] Lee suboxone

   
  Hi Lee and all, reading your childhood stuff is very moving for me.  Sometimes I wonder if the people here realize how friggin' brave they really are!  To me (and obviously no one else need take this to heart, if it doesn't work for you), all these addictions begin as discoveries into ways to ease the pain and anxiety, and not just ease it, but obliterate it temporarily.  Later, we're left with way more to deal with than we started with, but for me, it's that original choice to get some relief that's significant.  Not an incomprehensible move, not a 'bad' move, morally speaking, just a "how do you spell relief?" kind of move.  And then the next move is like you're doing, trying to find other ways, trying to disconnect the addiction, but still left with the original trauma.  I find for me it's best if I just flat out admit to myself the trauma just IS.  For me, in a strange way, admitting to myself it would never go away, made it less in the forefront of my life, and so
 on.  I wonder if other people have found that too, or if I'm just kidding myself.  Jane

LEE <JUNKBOY64 at MSN.COM> wrote: 
       

    chi,

    thanks tons!

    id rather stay away from suboxone and not have to step down... Im going to put ibogiane into my body and get off the opiates, but the biggest part, is  I need to get over my childhood that I keep pretending didn’t happen... as marc has been pointing out, my dad worked all the hours that I was home from school so he was gone all the time except for saturdays and sundays... he molested us kids when he was home and hated me especially... I keep thinking that it wasn’t a big deal and I don’t have to deal with it, but as marc has wrote about absent parents, ive realised how it hurt me as a child and how im keeping my defenses up still, even tho I don’t have to... I thought my mom was normal, but im finding that I hate her more and more, ever single day as I remember telling her about my dad abusing my sister and my brothers said that they told her too... I said something to her a couple years ago, and she denied it... anyway.;.. I need to deal with all that and I think with
 some counceling,some ibo, and some love, that  I can deal with, and get on with my life, not having to feel like a lost little kid at 32.... anyway...........

     

    j

    
specializing in honda and yamaha motorcycle parts 1960-1989. if you need anything call or email, we can get any part you need. new, and used, even if the part is obsolete.

     

    
if someone you love is addicted to something (heroin, cocaine, meth, ect), google ibogaine.... its worth your time..... i promise....

      ----- Original Message ----- 

    From: chi malan 

    To: ibogaine at mindvox.com 

    Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2007 4:23 AM

    Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] Lee suboxone

     

  


>From: "LEE" <JUNKBOY64 at MSN.COM>
>Reply-To: The Ibogaine List <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
>To: "The Ibogaine List" <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
>Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] suboxone
>Date: Sat, 22 Sep 2007 19:08:18 -0600
>
>
>matt,
>im starting to think, that's what I may do.... just reading on the list has 
>gotten me to go look more into the suboxone, and its sounds just as scary 
>as methadone... I wont do the methadone, so I may go back to the morphine, 
>as I can get that about 100 times cheaper than the oxys..... im going to do 
>a little more research and then decide... but so far, it sounds like doing 
>the short acting opiates will make things much easier with less problems 
>and depression......
>lee/junky
>
hey Lee, long time know speak. after my semi failed attempt at ibo (it got 
me off methadone) i went 22mg of suboxone. for me, it is great. nothing like 
methadone at all. kills the cravings and i dont feel like a zombie letting 
time slide past as i did on done. it was a bit hard a first for me ive had 
an anxiety problem my whole life and suffer from ptsd and suboxone does make 
you very anxious for the first couple of weeks till you stablise. all that 
aside, i had another reduction last week and im now down to 16mg. the 
reductions are a lot easier than methadone reductions so you can take bigger 
steps if you feel comfortable enough to do that.
i hope all goes well, best wishesm chi x

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