On Becoming Illegal
marko at phantom.com
Sat Oct 21 04:58:39 EDT 2006
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal
Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have
contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to
determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they
referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.
Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently
passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my
understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an
illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years,
all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good
deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to
pay taxes every year, so I'm excited about the prospect of
avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.
Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family
because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant
figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her
law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for
many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those
burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me
given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
(Get your Forms (NOW)!!
Call your Internal Revenue Service - 1-800-289-1040.)
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