On Becoming Illegal

marko marko at phantom.com
Sat Oct 21 04:58:39 EDT 2006


        The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
        Senate Office Building
        309 Hart
        Washington DC, 20510



        Dear Senator Sarbanes,


        As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal
        Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have
        contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to
        determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they
        referred me to you.


        My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.
        Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently
        passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my
        understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an
        illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years,
        all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
        income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good
        deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
        before everyone figures it out.


        Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to
        pay taxes every year, so I'm excited about the prospect of
        avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.
        Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
        This would yield an excellent result for me and my family
        because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.


        Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
        emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
        stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant
        figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.


        Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
        daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her
        law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for
        many colleges throughout the United States for my son.


        Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
        burden of renewing my driver's license and making those
        burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me
        given that I still have college age children driving my car.


        If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
        illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
        forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.


        Your Loyal Constituent,
        Pete McGlaughlin



        (Get your Forms (NOW)!!
        Call your Internal Revenue Service - 1-800-289-1040.)

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