[Ibogaine] neurosis

Carlton B hokkaidocrow at gmail.com
Tue Oct 17 16:32:54 EDT 2006


I had a similar experience.  During much of my experience, I had as many as
24 different windows drifting in and out of view, many of them showing still
images from my personal life.   I saw these as paused videos, and I tried to
run each one.  But I was unable to run the ones that could have been
troubling or intense... they just faded out or switched to a test pattern.
It's like there was some protective mechanism at work.

My interpretation was that iboga was assuming the guise of a surgeon working
on injurious memories and memes, patching up what was good, excising what
was bad.  It was telling me that it had everything under control, I didn't
need to see the bloody progress, and that I needed to relax and enjoy the
lightshow while waiting for the final product.  I also felt it communicated
that since it was my first time, I was being spared the brunt of the
intensity, but in my next experience I would be allowed to see it if I
requested it.   Since my first experience was so good, I don't think I'll
second-guess the guide.

On 10/17/06, Luke Christoffersen <luke.christoffersen at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
> Hey Matt, have you considered that perhaps you were reliving part of a
> failed attempt
> to get out rather than ibogaine trying to get in.  It's just that the
> crushing of the tribesmen
> could be symbolic of someone being crushed at birth trying to get out, if
> perhaps the way
> was blocked.
>
> Maybe not but I think ibogaine sometimes causes release of traumas in
> symbolic means
> particularly if it is something that was buried very deep in the past.
> Sometimes what
> seems like a defence is part of the truama. They are somehow all linked.
> What seems
> impenatrable could be part of thr trauma.
>
> Though when I did my first ibogaine treatment 4 years ago I recall running
> fast up a ramp
> and then suddenly a big iron barrier came down with the words 'CLOSED'
> written on it.  At
> that moment I felt that I was going to be denied access to the secrets of
> my past.  I spend
> much of the session wandering through the mess of present situations and
> also many big
> walls that I could not pass. At one stage I saw a leak or a way through to
> my childhood but then
> a serious of iron doors pilled up slamming shut.
>
> I think in some way I might have been strengthening the defences by
> 'trying' so hard to get
> somewhere. I didn't know what to do, was I consciously trying to hard.
> Perhaps some of it even
> at that time had to do with my birth.  I'm always trying to get out and
> feeling like I need to get
> of somewhere and when I do I feel happy and get relief but then I'm
> somewhere else and still need
> to get out. Get out or get out of it.
>
> Luke
>
>
> Slowone
> > Although your whole description of this scene was pretty vivid this part
> > struck a cord with me.  On one of my earlier ibo experiences, somewhere
> > around 15 to 18 mg/kg, I remember something like that.  There was this
> > endless procession of tribesmen, all identical.  They were dressed in
> > animal
> > skin loincloths and carried spears and they were running overland from
> > tremendous distances all converging on one point.  That point was the
> > beginning of a cave and the cave went on for what must have been over a
> > mile.  At first it was just a rough wide tunnel but as it got deeper and
> >
> > deeper it started to narrow and at some point these lanes or queues
> > formed
> > with metal railings between and I could see the entire cave for miles
> > filled
> > with all these identical tribesmen all lined up and proceeding down this
> >
> > tunnel.  And they came to a huge door.  And I knew it was some part of
> > my
> > inner self, my psyche; and at was sealed up tight.  Like so solidly
> > closed
> > it could have withstood a nuclear blast.  And all these tribesmen lined
> > up
> > against it and started pushing on it and the ones in back push on the
> > ones
> > in front and this tremendously long line pushed and pushed.  And instead
> > of
> > seeing the door open or give way, what happened is that the guys in
> > front
> > started to get crushed against the door and the ones in back did not
> > know,
> > they just surged forward as the line began to move and at the front they
> > were compressed into this intensely dense dark material.  It was pitch
> > black
> > and made from the bodies of these guys being crushed into ultra-dense
> > matter.  That vision haunted me for quite some time afterwards.  I had
> > not
> > thought of it in a long time until I read your description.  Thinking on
> > it
> > now though it does not hold that same negative mental energy it used
> > too.
> > Yes I think it was symbolic of a failed attempt by ibogaine to access
> > something deep in the recesses of my mind.  But now I have a different
> > understanding of the process of uncovering.  Or perhaps it is better to
> > say
> > that after my more recent ibogaine experiences, I have a renewed
> > appreciation for the slow and thorough uncovering process as opposed to
> > the
> > overwhelming flood.  Although I do believe there is a time and place for
> > each.
> > Matt
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > /]=---------------------------------------------------------------------=[\
> > [%] Ibogaine List Commands:
> > http://ibogaine.mindvox.com/IbogaineList.html [%]
> >
> > \]=---------------------------------------------------------------------=[/
> >
> >
> >
>
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