[Ibogaine] neurosis

Luke Christoffersen luke.christoffersen at gmail.com
Tue Oct 17 14:02:16 EDT 2006

Hey Matt, have you considered that perhaps you were reliving part of a
failed attempt
to get out rather than ibogaine trying to get in.  It's just that the
crushing of the tribesmen
could be symbolic of someone being crushed at birth trying to get out, if
perhaps the way
was blocked.

Maybe not but I think ibogaine sometimes causes release of traumas in
symbolic means
particularly if it is something that was buried very deep in the past.
Sometimes what
seems like a defence is part of the truama. They are somehow all linked.
What seems
impenatrable could be part of thr trauma.

Though when I did my first ibogaine treatment 4 years ago I recall running
fast up a ramp
and then suddenly a big iron barrier came down with the words 'CLOSED'
written on it.  At
that moment I felt that I was going to be denied access to the secrets of my
past.  I spend
much of the session wandering through the mess of present situations and
also many big
walls that I could not pass. At one stage I saw a leak or a way through to
my childhood but then
a serious of iron doors pilled up slamming shut.

I think in some way I might have been strengthening the defences by 'trying'
so hard to get
somewhere. I didn't know what to do, was I consciously trying to hard.
Perhaps some of it even
at that time had to do with my birth.  I'm always trying to get out and
feeling like I need to get
of somewhere and when I do I feel happy and get relief but then I'm
somewhere else and still need
to get out. Get out or get out of it.


> Although your whole description of this scene was pretty vivid this part
> struck a cord with me.  On one of my earlier ibo experiences, somewhere
> around 15 to 18 mg/kg, I remember something like that.  There was this
> endless procession of tribesmen, all identical.  They were dressed in
> animal
> skin loincloths and carried spears and they were running overland from
> tremendous distances all converging on one point.  That point was the
> beginning of a cave and the cave went on for what must have been over a
> mile.  At first it was just a rough wide tunnel but as it got deeper and
> deeper it started to narrow and at some point these lanes or queues formed
> with metal railings between and I could see the entire cave for miles
> filled
> with all these identical tribesmen all lined up and proceeding down this
> tunnel.  And they came to a huge door.  And I knew it was some part of my
> inner self, my psyche; and at was sealed up tight.  Like so solidly closed
> it could have withstood a nuclear blast.  And all these tribesmen lined up
> against it and started pushing on it and the ones in back push on the ones
> in front and this tremendously long line pushed and pushed.  And instead
> of
> seeing the door open or give way, what happened is that the guys in front
> started to get crushed against the door and the ones in back did not know,
> they just surged forward as the line began to move and at the front they
> were compressed into this intensely dense dark material.  It was pitch
> black
> and made from the bodies of these guys being crushed into ultra-dense
> matter.  That vision haunted me for quite some time afterwards.  I had not
> thought of it in a long time until I read your description.  Thinking on
> it
> now though it does not hold that same negative mental energy it used too.
> Yes I think it was symbolic of a failed attempt by ibogaine to access
> something deep in the recesses of my mind.  But now I have a different
> understanding of the process of uncovering.  Or perhaps it is better to
> say
> that after my more recent ibogaine experiences, I have a renewed
> appreciation for the slow and thorough uncovering process as opposed to
> the
> overwhelming flood.  Although I do believe there is a time and place for
> each.
> Matt
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