[Ibogaine] neurosis

Luke Christoffersen luke.christoffersen at gmail.com
Tue Oct 17 13:40:53 EDT 2006


 Yeah I remember you mentioning this scene before. I don't know why
you were told that you could not handel this.  Obviously there must be
a huge store of trauma in that early scene.  I guess with such a long
labour,
I don't know what doctors do in this situation but it is a life and death
on.

Do you know anything else about your birth?  I have read that in some rare
cases
some people have actually died at birth and were resucitated and that in
such cases
in primal therapy patients are advised not to try to relive this event.  Not
sure what
they were implying by this. i have spoken with one person who died at birth
and seems
to work through birth issues.

Otherwise I would have thought that reliving the trauma would be theraputic
and begin
to release the stored pain. Though with such a long labour maybe it is so
much unbearable
pain for a person to be able to work through. I don't know if I'd want to go
into that.


Also I've heard that if a person keeps trying to relive a certain trauma,
going down there
but never quite reliving it the mind erects a new defence called a primal
defence which
is much harder to get past.  Though that is talked about in primal therapy
and psychedelics
are a different kettle of fish.


The scene I always return to now on higher doses of ibogaine,
> ayahuasca and probably anything psychedelic, is an operating
> theatre with a figure on the table bathed in white light and
> surrounded by green-gowned doctors - it is as if I stumbled in the
> door from a party, drunkenly thinking I could straighten things
> out. The doctors urgently tell me "You are just the ego, we are
> keeping the real you alive here. Get out, this is not anything you
> can handle." Insofar as I have gotten a look at what is going on, I
> am trembling and blood is everywhere, and my best judgement tells
> me that I need to forget whatever else I have seen. My defenses
> against this scene are pretty good now - on my last significant
> ibogaine dose a few years ago, it was like a heavy iron blast door
> came sliding down as the experience started. Not much fun to ride
> out the experience locked out of oneself, but better than
> experiencing the trauma.
>
> The anti-psychotic drug risperdone has been a help over the last
> year. It lowers dopamine, flattening my hypersensitivity in a
> variety of ways - now I can eat salmon for example, which used to
> taste too fishy. It doesn't flatten out the trauma enough to
> confront it, but it has helped me come back to earth in a variety
> of simple ways that ibogaine and ayahuasca were unable to do.
>
> >
> >I can at least have some consolation in knowing my birth was a
> >quick
> >one but I'm still afraid of it even though it is causing me so
> >much
> >misery and making life so hard at the moment it's crippling too me
>
> >at
> >times and led me to abusing painkillers over the past two years.
> >I've
> >been saving up with the hopes of doing a ibogaine session which
> >I've
> >been thinking about for the past 4 years practically.
> >
> >Luke
> >
> >Luke
> >
> >On 10/15/06, slowone at hush.ai <slowone at hush.ai> wrote:
> >> Yes, I had a forceps delivery after 18 hours of labor. I think
> >this
> >> trauma may be what makes for impassable anxiety with larger
> >doses
> >> of ibogaine.
> >>
> >> On Sun, 15 Oct 2006 07:34:21 -0700 Luke Christoffersen
> >> <luke.christoffersen at gmail.com> wrote:
> >> >Hi,
> >> >    Perhaps you failed to get out naturaly by your own at
> >birth.
> >> >Could you have been a forceps delivery?  I was and it seems to
> >be
> >> >linked in to me being paralized and not so outgoing as I should
> >> >be.
> >> >
> >> >   I have often thought that there's no point to a career, it's
> >> >all
> >> >hopeless. I just give up trying because I already feel so deep
> >> >down
> >> >I''ve failed.
> >> >
> >> >Luke
> >> >
> >> >> I disappeared into books from age 5 through early adulthood.
> >In
> >> >my
> >> >> late teens, I had a sense that it was finally time to connect
> >> >with
> >> >> people, to show myself and make my way in the world. I soon
> >> >found
> >> >> that whenever I was doing something well, particularly in
> >> >public, I
> >> >> froze. Whenever I felt something strong in myself, fear would
> >> >> immediately eat it away. If I felt desire, I'd shut down.  I
> >> >> couldn't decide what to do with my life - I hadn't asked to
> >be
> >> >> born, so why should I choose a career? It was as if a firm
> >> >decision
> >> >> to live eluded me.
> >> >>
> >> >
> >> >
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