[Ibogaine] neurosis

slowone at hush.ai slowone at hush.ai
Mon Oct 16 23:04:12 EDT 2006



On Sun, 15 Oct 2006 13:28:01 -0700 Luke Christoffersen 
<luke.christoffersen at gmail.com> wrote:
>It could be.  It could be that the higher dose is trying to bring 
>this
>extremely deep trauma to the surface causing you the anxiety as it
>comes close to consciousness
>
>18 hours sounds like a very long labour.  It's not surprising you
>would be afraid to go back to that place. It's hell. I've read 
>from
>people reliving their births in primal therapy that sometimes the
>seemingly unending suffering with no escape makes some people feel
>they want to die to end the pain.

The scene I always return to now on higher doses of ibogaine, 
ayahuasca and probably anything psychedelic, is an operating 
theatre with a figure on the table bathed in white light and 
surrounded by green-gowned doctors - it is as if I stumbled in the 
door from a party, drunkenly thinking I could straighten things 
out. The doctors urgently tell me "You are just the ego, we are 
keeping the real you alive here. Get out, this is not anything you 
can handle." Insofar as I have gotten a look at what is going on, I 
am trembling and blood is everywhere, and my best judgement tells 
me that I need to forget whatever else I have seen. My defenses 
against this scene are pretty good now - on my last significant 
ibogaine dose a few years ago, it was like a heavy iron blast door 
came sliding down as the experience started. Not much fun to ride 
out the experience locked out of oneself, but better than 
experiencing the trauma.

The anti-psychotic drug risperdone has been a help over the last 
year. It lowers dopamine, flattening my hypersensitivity in a 
variety of ways - now I can eat salmon for example, which used to 
taste too fishy. It doesn't flatten out the trauma enough to 
confront it, but it has helped me come back to earth in a variety 
of simple ways that ibogaine and ayahuasca were unable to do.

>
>I can at least have some consolation in knowing my birth was a 
>quick
>one but I'm still afraid of it even though it is causing me so 
>much
>misery and making life so hard at the moment it's crippling too me 

>at
>times and led me to abusing painkillers over the past two years.  
>I've
>been saving up with the hopes of doing a ibogaine session which 
>I've
>been thinking about for the past 4 years practically.
>
>Luke
>
>Luke
>
>On 10/15/06, slowone at hush.ai <slowone at hush.ai> wrote:
>> Yes, I had a forceps delivery after 18 hours of labor. I think 
>this
>> trauma may be what makes for impassable anxiety with larger 
>doses
>> of ibogaine.
>>
>> On Sun, 15 Oct 2006 07:34:21 -0700 Luke Christoffersen
>> <luke.christoffersen at gmail.com> wrote:
>> >Hi,
>> >    Perhaps you failed to get out naturaly by your own at 
>birth.
>> >Could you have been a forceps delivery?  I was and it seems to 
>be
>> >linked in to me being paralized and not so outgoing as I should
>> >be.
>> >
>> >   I have often thought that there's no point to a career, it's
>> >all
>> >hopeless. I just give up trying because I already feel so deep
>> >down
>> >I''ve failed.
>> >
>> >Luke
>> >
>> >> I disappeared into books from age 5 through early adulthood. 
>In
>> >my
>> >> late teens, I had a sense that it was finally time to connect
>> >with
>> >> people, to show myself and make my way in the world. I soon
>> >found
>> >> that whenever I was doing something well, particularly in
>> >public, I
>> >> froze. Whenever I felt something strong in myself, fear would
>> >> immediately eat it away. If I felt desire, I'd shut down.  I
>> >> couldn't decide what to do with my life - I hadn't asked to 
>be
>> >> born, so why should I choose a career? It was as if a firm
>> >decision
>> >> to live eluded me.
>> >>
>> >
>> >
>> >  /]=-----------------------------------------------------------

>---
>>
>> >-------=[\
>> > [%] Ibogaine List Commands:
>> >http://ibogaine.mindvox.com/IbogaineList.html [%]
>> >  \]=-----------------------------------------------------------

>---
>>
>> >-------=[/
>>
>>
>>
>> Concerned about your privacy? Instantly send FREE secure email, 
>no account required
>> http://www.hushmail.com/send?l=480
>>
>> Get the best prices on SSL certificates from Hushmail
>> https://www.hushssl.com?l=485
>>
>>
>>
>>  /]=-------------------------------------------------------------

>--------=[\
>>  [%] Ibogaine List Commands: 
>http://ibogaine.mindvox.com/IbogaineList.html [%]
>>  \]=-------------------------------------------------------------

>--------=[/
>>
>>
>>
>
>
>  /]=--------------------------------------------------------------

>-------=[\
> [%] Ibogaine List Commands: 
>http://ibogaine.mindvox.com/IbogaineList.html [%]
>  \]=--------------------------------------------------------------

>-------=[/



Concerned about your privacy? Instantly send FREE secure email, no account required
http://www.hushmail.com/send?l=480

Get the best prices on SSL certificates from Hushmail
https://www.hushssl.com?l=485




More information about the Ibogaine mailing list