[Ibogaine] my reading list / spill it

edward conn wardconn at hotmail.com
Thu Oct 12 19:07:23 EDT 2006

welcome to the monkey house??? Welcome to the fuckin slammer!!

I'm so tired of my own voice I could nail it to the wall .  Brad, I've never 
heard such a quintessential tale outside a cathode ray nipple jar, but I 
liked it enough to register a response, you've just saved me £5 for a cinema 
ticket but cost me for a tissue. From here on in it just gets far more 
complicated, hold on to you your cynicism like a bitch and play with your 
innocence like a dog. That way I'm sure you can't loose.


>From: "Matthew Shriver" <Matt at ITSupport.net>
>Reply-To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
>To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
>Subject: RE: [Ibogaine] my reading list / spill it
>Date: Thu, 12 Oct 2006 07:45:15 -0600
>Hey Brad
>Sounds like you're human. Welcome to the monkey house.  Which since you are
>sharing your reading list I must say that Vonnegut is one of my all time
>favorites. (Welcome to the Monkey House is the title of one of his books 
>those who don't know it).
>   _____
>From: Brad Hays [mailto:bradleyheathhays at gmail.com]
>Sent: Thursday, October 12, 2006 2:09 AM
>To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
>Subject: [Ibogaine] my reading list / spill it
>Well, found my name come up in another Ibogaine discussion group where a 
>was wondering who this Brad Hays kid is anyway.   And I suppose I haven't
>given much personal information about myself, but then that's probably
>normal for me.   So, feeling that I'd like to stick around for a while, I
>figured it's time to go ahead and spill it.my story that is.
>I figure a reading list is a good a measure of character.so here's mine:
>Life of Pi - Yann Martel
>Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse
>Invisible Landscape: Mind Hallucinogens and the I Ching - Terence and 
>The Prize: The Epic Quest for Oil, Money & Power - Daniel Yergin
>Synchronicity - Jung
>Breaking Open the Head - Daniel Pinchbeck
>Brief History of Time - Hawking
>Art of War - Sun Tsu
>Strange Brains and Genius: The Secret Lives of Eccentric.- Clifford A.
>Somewhere about six months ago my best artsy buddy shoved a book in my
>hand.another by Pickover called Sex, Drugs, Einstein & Elves.   Great read,
>specially the iboga and ayahuasca chaps.  Same day I find an article 
>by a local social activist/attorney explaining how easy it is for any man 
>become hooked on Oxycontin (which is a serious problem round here), and 
>introducing a possible solution in the form of iboga.   Reading about
>something called iboga twice.in the same day?.too weird.  Father Jung had
>clearly shown me a path, and at that moment I decided to take it on.
>For a very long time now I have been on the search for something, and what
>that is would be hard to say.  Answers maybe.  Answers maybe that'd help me
>put a framework around what I see happening here in the US and the world .
>and in myself.   I don't understand how we've gone so far astray, and I
>suppose my subconscious question has always been.and how do we get back on
>track?   Along those same lines another persistent question of mine has 
>how can one truly teach someone else? Or even, can it be done?   I've heard
>it said by greater minds that 'wisdom cannot be taught,' which is an idea
>I've reluctantly come to accept.   So when I started reading about how this
>plant teaches or gives the ability of celestial wisdom, well I knew I was
>going deeper in.
>1995, the year my life took an unforeseen turn, when everybody else
>graduated college, and with my four years put in, I didn't.   I'd run out 
>money, and most importantly, had lost my ability to achieve.   I fell
>completely out of the loop, and had absolutely no success at redefining
>where my life was to go from there.   Looking back at the patterns in my
>life, I can see clearly that it was never the events themselves that had 
>me to where I was, but rather my inability to approach those 'obstacles.'
>I knew then that I had lost a very crucial part of who I was.  A calmness I
>had once known was no longer there.   Although the only diagnosis I've
>received is mild depression, I describe my brain like a hard drive that
>seems to keep spinning even though nothing is being asked of it.   This 
>year, in typical self-diagnosis fashion, I wanted to find out once and for
>all if I had a touch of the ol' ADD.maybe even hoping I did.as then there
>might be an answer.couple three figures later and no such luck.   If I had
>to guess, I'd say I'm mildly obsessive compulsive.and fairly anxious.  I've
>never felt compelled to count, wash, or self destruct, but I am certainly a
>creature of habit.   Anxiety runs through my entire family; and to greater
>and lesser degrees we've learned to cope with what is our lives.  We are 
>what I call 'sensitives,' very aware, and over analytical.
>'So what brings you here today?' as any good therapist would ask.well,
>that'd be, you guessed it, my anxiety.  It's affected every aspect of my
>life, and my family's lives.   Jobs, friends, relationships, relationships,
>oh, and did I mention relationships.   I've basically taken myself out of
>the dating scene for a number of years now because of this hole that's
>developed in my self-esteem.   Something has happened where I no longer 
>free to be me.   Some type of inhibition has grown into my life which I've
>yet to overcome.   And the fucked up thing is that I know I have so much
>potential.   My mother (who is truly a Superwoman) raised me so right and 
>open.  My values are where they should be, and I have very few hang ups
>accepting people for who they are.   On the rare days when my anxiety is
>gone and there is nothing left but me, I have the absolute best time with
>people, with everybody.   It's so strange that I have the utmost confidence
>in who I am and what I believe, but it never has the chance to come through
>cause of whatever it is that's been on my back for forever now.
>Just like your intestines can get a build up of junk in 'em from years of
>white bread and red meat, so it seems a man's mind can get gunked up from
>anxiety and bad experiences.   A brain 'reset?' as I've heard it
>described.sounds so nice.  I've come to think of ibogaine as the 'across 
>board multiple addiction stopper.'   The more I've come to understand my 
>anxiety, the more it appears to be an addiction of a thought process, much
>like a body's addiction to a drug.   My hunch is that the cause of these 
>different expressions of addiction may lie in the same neurochemical
>processes which ibogaine affects.  My hope is that this molecule, or an
>effective derivative thereof, will be found to be medically safe and sound;
>and that its widespread use brings the opportunity for a new beginning for
>all those whose lives it touches.
>Took a little longer than I wanted, but things always do.  But here I
>am.bam.Brad Hays.   Guess I should shut up now, but I can't leave without
>thanking everyone who has given their personal story, and how this 
>has affected their life.as this is one of the few places I find genuine
>Welp.thanks for tuning in,
>(city lights dim as I hit the send button)

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