[Ibogaine] my reading list / spill it

BiscuitBoy714 at aol.com BiscuitBoy714 at aol.com
Thu Oct 12 10:44:00 EDT 2006

In a message dated 10/12/2006 9:47:42 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,  
Matt at ITSupport.net writes:
So Brad, have you had an Ibogaine experience? Just wondering. I envy peeps  
who do it just because they want to. I had to for my addiction but want to do 
it  again just for general purpose and research. It just might help me refrain 
from  drinking too although I haven't drank in a few months now.  
Still.........................the devil juice awaits. Maybe that's why I love to  read 
Bukowski, Hemmingway, Hunter Thompson, Burrows,...................wait a  minute 
all these guys were drunks or addicts. I think I see a pattern here. I  know a 
another former addict I want to read....................PATRICK PUT YOUR  
BOOK OUT. DAMN!!!        Randy

Hey  Brad 
Sounds like you’re  human. Welcome to the monkey house.  Which since you are 
sharing your  reading list I must say that Vonnegut is one of my all time 
favorites.  (Welcome to the Monkey House is the title of one of his books for 
those who  don’t know it). 
From: Brad  Hays [mailto:bradleyheathhays at gmail.com] 
Sent: Thursday, October 12, 2006 2:09  AM
To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
Subject: [Ibogaine] my reading list /  spill it
Well, found my name come up in another Ibogaine  discussion group where a guy 
was wondering who this Brad Hays kid is anyway.  And I suppose I haven't 
given much personal information about myself,  but then that's probably normal for 
me.   So, feeling that I'd like to  stick around for a while, I figured it's 
time to go ahead and spill it…my  story that is.    
I figure a reading list is a good a measure of  character…so here's mine: 
Life of Pi – Yann Martel 
Siddhartha – Hermann  Hesse 
Invisible Landscape: Mind Hallucinogens and the I  Ching – Terence and Dennis 
The Prize: The Epic Quest for Oil, Money & Power –  Daniel Yergin 
Synchronicity – Jung 
Breaking Open the Head – Daniel  Pinchbeck 
Brief History of Time –  Hawking 
Art of War – Sun Tsu 
Strange Brains and Genius: The Secret Lives of  Eccentric…- Clifford A. 
Somewhere about six months ago my best artsy buddy  shoved a book in my hand…
another by Pickover called Sex, Drugs, Einstein &  Elves.   Great read, 
specially the iboga and ayahuasca chaps.  Same  day I find an article written by a 
local social activist/attorney explaining  how easy it is for any man to become 
hooked on Oxycontin (which is a serious  problem round here), and then 
introducing a possible solution in the form of  iboga.   Reading about something 
called iboga twice…in  the same day?…too weird.  Father Jung had clearly shown 
me a path, and at  that moment I decided to take it on.  
For a very long time now I have been on the search for  something, and what 
that is would be hard to say.  Answers maybe.   Answers maybe that'd help me 
put a framework around what I see happening here  in the US and the world … and 
in myself.  I don't understand how we've gone so far astray, and I suppose my  
subconscious question has always been…and how do we get back on track?    
Along those same lines another persistent question of mine has been how can  one 
truly teach someone else? Or even, can it be done?   I've heard it  said by 
greater minds that 'wisdom cannot be taught,' which is an idea I've  reluctantly 
come to accept.   So when I started reading about how this  plant teaches or 
gives the ability of celestial wisdom, well I knew I was  going deeper in.    
1995, the year my life took an unforeseen turn, when  everybody else 
graduated college, and with my four years put in, I didn't.  I'd run out of money, and 
most importantly, had lost my ability to  achieve.   I fell completely out of 
the loop, and had absolutely no  success at redefining where my life was to 
go from there.   Looking back  at the patterns in my life, I can see clearly 
that it was never the events  themselves that had led me to where I was, but 
rather my inability to approach  those 'obstacles.'   I knew then that I had lost 
a very crucial part of  who I was.  A calmness I had once known was no longer 
there.    Although the only diagnosis I've received is mild depression, I 
describe my  brain like a hard drive that seems to keep spinning even though 
nothing is  being asked of it.   This past year, in typical self-diagnosis 
fashion, I  wanted to find out once and for all if I had a touch of the ol' ADD…maybe 
even  hoping I did…as then there might be an answer…couple three figures 
later and  no such luck.   If I had to guess, I'd say I'm mildly obsessive  
compulsive…and fairly anxious.  I've never felt compelled to count, wash,  or self 
destruct, but I am certainly a creature of habit.   Anxiety runs  through my 
entire family; and to greater and lesser degrees we've learned to  cope with 
what is our lives.  We are all what I call 'sensitives,' very  aware, and over 
'So what brings you here today?' as any good therapist  would ask…well, 
that'd be, you guessed it, my anxiety.  It's affected  every aspect of my life, and 
my family's lives.   Jobs, friends,  relationships, relationships, oh, and 
did I mention relationships.   I've  basically taken myself out of the dating 
scene for a number of years now  because of this hole that's developed in my 
self-esteem.   Something has  happened where I no longer feel free to be me.   
Some type of inhibition  has grown into my life which I've yet to overcome.   
And the fucked up  thing is that I know I have so much potential.   My mother 
(who is truly  a Superwoman) raised me so right and so open.  My values are 
where they  should be, and I have very few hang ups accepting people for who they 
are.  On the rare days when my anxiety is gone and there is nothing left but  
me, I have the absolute best time with people, with everybody.   It's so  
strange that I have the utmost confidence in who I am and what I believe, but  it 
never has the chance to come through cause of whatever it is that's been on  
my back for forever now.  
Just like your intestines can get a build up of junk  in 'em from years of 
white bread and red meat, so it seems a man's mind can  get gunked up from 
anxiety and bad experiences.   A brain 'reset?' as  I've heard it described…sounds 
so nice.  I've come to think of ibogaine  as the 'across the board multiple 
addiction stopper.'   The more I've  come to understand my own anxiety, the more 
it appears to be an addiction of a  thought process, much like a body's 
addiction to a drug.   My hunch is  that the cause of these two different 
expressions of addiction may lie in the  same neurochemical processes which ibogaine 
affects.  My hope is that  this molecule, or an effective derivative thereof, 
will be found to be  medically safe and sound; and that its widespread use 
brings the opportunity  for a new beginning for all those whose lives it touches.   
Took a little longer than I wanted, but things always  do.  But here I am…bam…
Brad Hays.   Guess I should shut up now, but  I can't leave without thanking 
everyone who has given their personal story,  and how this treatment has 
affected their life…as this is one of the few  places I find genuine encouragement. 
Welp…thanks for tuning  in, 
(city lights dim as I hit the send  button)

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