The Constitution of the United States 2.0

marko marko at
Mon Oct 2 08:32:31 EDT 2006

I'm not an expert on the US of A constitution, but this one seems.... as 
it is?



    The Constitution of the United States 2.0

As there have lately been so many changes to the basic functioning of 
the United States -- a shift of powers here, a whittling away of rights 
there, it seems a good time to issue a revised version of the basic 
operating document.  This is the _real_ Republican Contract with America.

/*W*e the Republicans of the United States, in Order to prevent any 
challenge to our continued Supremacy, free ourselves from the Confines 
of Justice, placate the Tranquil masses, degrade the general Welfare, 
and secure the Blessings of War Profiteering for ourselves and our 
Friends, do ordain and establish Constitution 2.0 for the United States 
of America./

*Section 1*
All legislative Powers are hereby ceded to the Executive branch, though 
the Congress will still make a Grand Noise and wave their arms as if 
they give a Damn.

*Section 2*
The House of Representatives will consist of those best able to Lick the 
Boots of the Lobbyists and Corporations lining their pockets.  

No one can be a Representative unless Fox News says that he is a 
Patriotic American,

Representation shall be apportioned based on numbers of people willing 
to Pay for the Privilege.  The actual Enumeration shall be made whenever 
it is of benefit to Republicans.

Representatives will choose a Speaker and other Officers by how willing 
these Officers are to turn a blind eye to the Crimes of Republicans and 
how Loudly they will Declare the Daily Talking Points.

*Section 3*
The Senate shall... oh hell, just see Section 1.

The Vice President shall be President of the Senate and can use any Four 
Letter Word he wants in talking to Senators, so F-You, Leahy.

*Section 4*
Elections will be held whenever Diebold is prepared to provide the Right 

*Section 5*
Each House shall make a mockery of policing itself and shall be free to 
throw out all the Democrats they want, but Republicans who engage in 
Pederasty shall be protected.  

*Section 6*
Republican Senators and Representatives will enjoy a Revolving Door of 
organizations who pay for votes, and give them jobs any time they are 
taking a break.

*Section 7*
The House and Senate shall apply a large Rubber Stamp to every 
suggestion issued by the President.

*Section 8*
The House shall raise all the taxes they want on the poor and 
middle-class so long as they leave the Rich alone.

The Congress will dodge all responsibility for decisions on War.

*Section 9*
The rules of Immigration shall be set in a way that protects Republican 

*Section 10*
Any treaties are not worth the paper they are Written on.

*Section 1*
The President can do anything he wants, that's what's good about being 
President.  Heh heh.

*Section 2*
The President can wear any uniform he wants and pretend to fly planes.

*Section 3*
The President and the Congress should split some beers now and then, but 
he doesn't have to invite any Democrats.

*Section 4*
Having sex is a good Reason to get rid of a President.  Lying, being 
Incompetent, Wasting Billions, and getting Thousands of Americans 
Killed, is fine.

This Article was full of that Judge stuff, so we just took it out.

We can declare any place we want part of the United States so they can 
call their stuff "Made in the USA," but don't go thinking they get 

Amendments to the Constitution will only be for Really Important Stuff, 
like how scared we are of Homos and Foreign People.

You can ignore any part of this Constitution if it gets in the way of 
Profit or something that gets Republicans elected.

People are supposed to be afraid all the Time, otherwise they do too 
damn much Thinking.

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