[Ibogaine] embracing the southerly

Shaun Clark click80 at yahoo.com
Wed Jun 14 03:05:42 EDT 2006

Hey Callie,
  I have been lurking for about 2 weeks, ever since I found this forum. I too am a long time self-medicater. I am preparing for an Ibo soul cleanse. Well to the point. I do not know your counselor, but in my opinion and experience, counselors are almost all driven by agenda's which are not always in our best interest, the patient. We are always in a state of relapse, a state of conflux I guess. I mean shit, sometimes I think we are in a better way spiritually than all the mindless, materialistic automatons, who are supposedly living stable lives. We are more honest in where we sit in the grand scheme because addiction brings out honesty in self examination.
  I am sorry for butting in but I hate it when counselors reduce us to what they want us to feel, instead of the real deal. Like I said we are spiritually much more honest than 99% of the rest of the world. Just because they are straight, well that does not mean that they are honorable or honest. Honesty is worth much more, in my little old addict opinion. :o)

CallieMimosa at aol.com wrote:
        It is great to have a couple of new Ibonauts! I love all the regular list but to read 'fresh' stories is encouraging.
  Leah and Steve....YOU ROCK for sharing.
  I have always been afraid to tell anyone if I was going to make an attempt to 'clean up.' Hell, everyone has heard it so many times, myself included, that no one pays me any mind UNTIL I fuck up!
  One thing I have always thought was that  'slipping' does not have to be a fuck up. It can be a great learning tool. Sounds like rationalization, doesn't it? I think there are degrees of slipping or relapse. Such as......
  I have really been eating the benzos lately. I love those things but I have sabotoged myself again.Two dirty screens and probably on the verge of going back a level at the clinic. That would mean me visiting 3 times a week. I almost had the time required for weekly visits! 
  I do not think a binge of benzos constitutes a full blown relapse, but Annette, my counselor, says I am in a constant state of relapse!!! Can you believe that? I do not know if I should use that for motivation or what but it fucks my head up! I feel hopeless. If I am in CONSTANT state of relapse....what the fuck?!!! 
  Still sorting things out and I have been on this tilt a whirl for 30 years now.
  Love and peace to all and keep sharing and writing and sharing and writing..........


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