[Ibogaine] embracing the southerly

CallieMimosa at aol.com CallieMimosa at aol.com
Wed Jun 14 00:58:13 EDT 2006


 
It is great to have a couple of new Ibonauts! I love all the  regular list 
but to read 'fresh' stories is encouraging.
Leah and Steve....YOU ROCK for sharing.
I have always been afraid to tell anyone if I was going to  make an attempt 
to 'clean up.' Hell, everyone has heard it so many times, myself  included, 
that no one pays me any mind UNTIL I fuck up!
One thing I have always thought was that   'slipping' does not have to be a 
fuck up. It can be a great learning tool.  Sounds like rationalization, doesn't 
it? I think there are degrees of slipping  or relapse. Such as......
I have really been eating the benzos lately. I love those  things but I have 
sabotoged myself again.Two dirty screens and probably on the  verge of going 
back a level at the clinic. That would mean me visiting 3 times a  week. I 
almost had the time required for weekly  visits! 
I do not think a binge of benzos constitutes a full blown  relapse, but 
Annette, my counselor, says I am in a constant state of relapse!!!  Can you believe 
that? I do not know if I should use that for motivation or what  but it fucks 
my head up! I feel hopeless. If I am in CONSTANT state of  relapse....what 
the fuck?!!! 
Still sorting things out and I have been on this tilt a  whirl for 30 years 
now.
Love and peace to all and keep sharing and writing and  sharing and 
writing..........
Callie




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