cynicism and ibogaine
ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
Mon Jan 24 19:10:24 EST 2005
dh wrote, in reply to the notion that ibogaine is an anti-cynicism
>100%, Pure, unadulterated... Bullshit.
no additives or preservatives, either.
Yeah, to pipe up here, while I might not put it quite as harshly, feeling
slightly more huggy this evening than snarly, I gotta agree with dh here, as
this is pretty much bologna.
I was still and am still quite the freakin cynic, despite two times taking
ibogaine (although someone told me the second time didn't really count,
because even though I was trying to get another treatment, someone
apparently thought I didn't really know what I needed and so didn't supply
quite the amount I thought I was getting so it was considered not a
treatment per se but rather a psychospiritual effort. While I did use that
term when expressing my desire to go again so soon after the first time, I
also noted my desire to further explore issues I'd touched on first time
round, but I digress- let me get back to the cynism). Things were nice and
glowy when I first did ibogaine, I mean immediately afterwards, but I knew
even then that wouldn't last and felt weirded out by that. I've not yet
admitted this publicly I don't think, not to anyone but V I don't think, but
as soon as I came out of the nausea and dizziness, I was very depressed the
second time 'round, and truly felt that I had just completely negated the
first experience, right there. As soon as I was able to sit up, in less than
12 hours, (which was another signal to me that something wasn't quite right,
that I hadn't taken the amount I'd expected to be taking), I felt that I had
not gotten in nearly as far as I'd needed and expressed the desire to do,
that I hadn't this time been to the holodeck, not seen a single vision, not
had much of any experience the second time round but feeling ill and
disappointed and in a very black mood when finished (and I want to go again
sometime- what am I thinking? LOL).
I feel personally that a provider, depending upon the situation
actually, but a provider on the black market, shouldn't necessarily be
abritrary about how they supply those who want to buy their wares. I would
feel almost resentful if a provider tells me things along the lines of, "we
don't want to treat people more than twice, and if it doesn't work in two
times we're going to recommend they go elsewhere, out of their own
environment, to do it again, with someone else like Sara perhaps, or the
folk in Mexico." Now, I'm not at all saying there's anything even remotely
wrong with taking ibogaine in Mexico or with Sara- I'd love to take it at
Sara's someday actually. But I don't want to be told "it's this way, our
way, or no way at all." I don't want to be told that I must go see this or
that psych-type person for counseling, I don't want to be expected at
meetings, I don't want to be told it's too soon/toolate/not enough/etc. I
want to be able to obtain the stuff and do it as I and my significant other
think most beneficial, for whatever reason and in whatever fashion the two
of us think most fit. T hat's the best way I think. I don't want someone
judging from outside me how much I'd need beyond, "he's this heavy so this
much is needed for him to really, really do the three day thing," and that's
about it. I don't want someone obtaining this stuff for me and at the same
time saying things along the lines of, "I think he needs just this or that
amount for this or that reason." Somehow, while I understand where it's
coming from and that that is a good place and very well meant, this just
doesn't strike me as the very best or more beneficial way for me to do this
I sincerely hope I've not screwed my chances for the future by laying
out my feelings in this fashion on the public list, but I've had these
thoughts for a while and Dave sorta shook them loose with his post.
(I'm blaming you dh, you and my disease- you know I can't help myself,
I'm not responsible, I'm sick, a really reaeealy sicky sicko, probably even
a somewhat pinko sicko, in need of treatment 'cause damn it I'm freakin all
out ILL! Or something.)
Seriously, sorry to vent on you all. Here's wishing everyone a good
evening, except for those who might not want me to do that, to be all nice
and stuff, and would rather I be hostile or pessimistic or whatever is
anti-huggy and peaceful and such.
Peace and love,
"Madness is not enlightenment, but the search for enlightenment is often
mistaken for madness"
ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
Editor "Under the Influence- the Disinformation Guide to Drugs"
Cont. High Times mag/.com
Cont. Editor http://www.disinfo.com
Columnist New York Waste
----- Original Message -----
From: "D H" <dave at phantom.com>
To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
Sent: Monday, January 24, 2005 3:31 PM
Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] free
>>>> And, frankly, if you take ibogaine and you're still cynical >>about
>>>> life, then
>>>> it's not working for you. Ibogaine is 100% anti-cynicism - >>really!
> 100%, Pure, unadulterated... Bullshit.
> no additives or preservatives, either.
> Virgin Bullshit.
> [%] Ibogaine List Commands: http://ibogaine.mindvox.com/IbogaineList.html
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