10 weeks out

Jeffgd1 at aol.com Jeffgd1 at aol.com
Sun Jan 23 20:17:02 EST 2005


Hi Donna et al...
Well it has been a v-e-r-y slow but steady climb out of the 20 plus year opiate haze...the last ten years being strictly a methadone diet. At 45 years old my brain had a lot of reconnecting to do with itself and my body. 
 I was on 50mgs when i did the ibo...looking back (ahh hindsight!) maybe i should have tried switching to a shorter acting opiate but didnt have a sympathetic Dr or want to go back to copping on the street
I went thru some very tough weeks post ibo i did a couple of "booster" doses about 2-3 weeks out and the nor-ibo (or wheteever it is) was flowing bigtime and gave me a great spirit  (just as advertised) and then about 7 weeks post it simply dried up! I was still only about 75% back to'normal' and then it became much more difficult to focus  on the positve.
Even now at 10 plus weeks  my energy level is still low (as it was before ibo) and i am to put it simply, still, uncomfortable. Some nights i could swear i am feeling honest to god (minor) withdrawal pain though i cannot actually believe that i am at this point
I still try to focus on the fact that i am free now-to go and be wherever I want (as soon as the $ are thier) and that compared to 20 years 10 weeks aint but a drop in the bucket but it is hard.
I only chimed into the "ken" discussion cuz his posts seemed to hit  home for me much more so than the full of positivity posts that i simply cant relate to right now. I am only glad for those that feel great and see the light so to speak but for me the road is still long. 
Dont get me wrong I am  a livemusiclovinglonghairedhippiefreak and all that-no doubt!but I am out of the old school grateful dead model no flowrpowerdaisyloving but hardpartyingbustyerballscraziness -toomuchofeverythingisjustenuff shut-upandpassthetray-pipe-joint type 
To be fair I need to get out of the house more and excercise more and eat better and get into counseling  and stop daydreaming so much and get moving and eat better and excercise and get back to work and get a hobby and move out of new york and meditate and join some kind of group and get back to my spiritual needs and eat more vegatables and see a chiroprator and do some volunteer work and  get rolfed or something and focus on the just how far I have come but otherwise  everything is fucking great!
hope that helps 
Freak Freely!
Jeff



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