[Ibogaine] Hannah. Anxiety

Hannah Clay hannah.clay at ntlworld.com
Fri Jan 21 15:50:44 EST 2005


Thanks so much for the support Francis.  I will definitely use your
technique.  I've been trying use visualisation to help my depression and
lack of self-confidence.  I do find it difficult though-maybe it was the
drugs?-but I find imagining hard now, picturing something in my head.
Especially me as a wonderful self-confident woman!!! ;-)

I'll keep you all updated.  I still can't face going through my backlog of
messages so I don't know what else is going on!  I saw a friend today who I
used to score with and I know he still does.  Immediately I very nearly
asked him to score for me.  I don't know why, it was totally on
impulse-association I guess.  I just forget why I'm doing this immediately!
Luckily my brain is starting to act more quickly and so I never said
anything....and you know what?  5 minutes later after I'd left the guy I was
SO glad I didn't score!  Its like all my rational thoughts suddenly
reappeared.

I have a long way to go before I'm over it but the first steps are the
hardest and I hope it gets easier.  Most of the time I'm so busy doing uni
reading or walking my dog or actually socialising (with clean or
understanding friends) I don't even think about it.

Yes I'm scared but I just have to get through it-I couldn't go on as I was.
I would more likely be dead or else locked up!

Thanks again,
Hannah :-)



----- Original Message ----- 
From: "The Garden" <GardenRestaurant at comcast.net>
To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
Sent: Friday, January 21, 2005 6:32 PM
Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] Hannah. Anxiety


> Hi Hannah !
> I am really happy to see how good you are doing :-)
> Regarding anxiety, in my humble opinion. Anxiety is there to tell you
> something.
> Like a pain in the  back is telling you wich movement you have to avoid to
> hurt yourself more.
>
> Now, I give you an example: a young child learning how to walk. Is at the
> bottom of a long stairway.
> He realy want to go upstair, like everybody else.But now is paralysed by
> fear, is full of self doubt, he had a strange feeling somewhere in his
guts,
> a kind of disconfort that later , as an adult he will label :anxiety.
> Do you think he can make it ?/!
>
> I am learning now something I realy don't like to do but that I want to do
> it  ,and..., and this is producing in me some
>  (or a lot , I do I know ?/!) of" anxiety ".
>  Actualy, I am not even sure that this is anxiety. Somebody told me...
> I call it fear and I am not even sure this is fear..
> To make a long story short. When this "thing " comes I like to play with
it
> ( a friend teach me this technique )
> First you welcome the "thing".like " hi !! welcome back, would like a cup
of
> tea ?" " So wat's up ? "
> Then you try hard to intensify the feeling to the max. then try to reduce
> it. then try to make it big, realy  big, intense.....Then you visualize it
> outside of you, then inside... so on and so on..
> The "thing" realy don't like to be play with and will leave you.
>  It's normal to feel a little bet of disconfort at the begining of a new,
> great, adventure, but that the deal. You have to go throught the pain and
no
> pill in the world will do the job for you.We have to win our own battle
one
> step at the time..
> Francis
> God bless
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "....Ken" <chayco at island.net>
> To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
> Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 11:34 PM
> Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] Hannah
>
>
> >
> > Hello Hannah,
> >
> > The anxiety is rough. Have you tried 'clonidine' ?  You will need a
> 'script.
> > Do some on line research first to see if you think it is worthwhile for
> you.
> >
> > It lowers the blood pressure and it helped me through some rough times.
> >
> >                          best regards.....Ken
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Hannah Clay" <hannah.clay at ntlworld.com>
> > To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
> > Sent: Thursday, January 20, 2005 4:34 PM
> > Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] Hannah
> >
> >
> > > I must be really quick cuz I have to go to bed cuz I'm up early in the
> > > morning.  Basically I've been busy keeping clean ( :-)))) and my PC's
> been
> > > down for ages.  I have 624 messages from the list to work through and
> > dunno
> > > when I'll get round to it!  Hope everybody's ok and happy?  I've been
up
> > and
> > > down.  I've dabbled so I guess I'm not clean but I FEEL clean!  It
> doesn't
> > > rule my life anymore though I still unfortunately have a few problems
> with
> > > people from the scene.  I feel like its ages since I had any but now I
> see
> > > it was only 8 days ago but only a tiny bit.  Put it like this-in the
> past
> > > 4.5wks I've had it 4 times n that's AMAZING for me.  Today I was
> > unfortunate
> > > enough to have to sit in a room with people doing it but I felt
NOTHING!
> > > Its like I can see rationally again.  And when I have slipped its been
> > small
> > > amounts and each time I've instantly regretted it.  I'm down from 8mg
to
> > 2mg
> > > of Subutex a day.  It feels like its been months!  I don't want
anymore
> > > though I'm taking it one day at a time.  Most people don't know but
even
> > > those that don't have said how much happier and healthier I look.  I'm
> > still
> > > cut up about being dumped from my 3yr relationship but I'm used to it
> now
> > > and enjoying the freedom-my flat's never been so tidy!  Now there's no
> man
> > > to mess it up as soon as I've cleaned it! ;-)  I said I was gonna be
> quick
> > > and I really must go.  I'm working on my self-confidence and just
> started
> > my
> > > Open University course so I can finally complete the last 2yrs of my
BSc
> > > Psychology degree!  I'm very poor on benefits and trying to pay rent
> alone
> > > etc but compared to when I was doing gear I'm rich!  I can't believe
all
> > the
> > > money I threw away (or shot up my veins)-now I can see how much £25
> > actually
> > > buys you!  I can't believe I was spending hundreds some days!  I was
> > getting
> > > badly into crack aswell so really my boyf did the best thing.  Without
> him
> > > judging me and making me feel ashamed I'm a totally different person.
> > I've
> > > met loads of new (clean) friends and now actually have a social life!
I
> > > walk my dog miles each day and I'm getting back into my Yoga and
trying
> to
> > > eat healthily.  I am taking the odd Valium tough, probably 3 a
week-will
> > > this become a problem?  Its just I still get periods of intense
despair
> > and
> > > anxiety, especially about starting my course and they really help.  I
> > don't
> > > want to abuse them though, just use them if I really need them.  This
is
> > > turning into an essay!  I've missed you guys so much and always
wondered
> > how
> > > you're all doing.  I'll probably have to put a couple of days aside to
> get
> > > through this backlog!  Oh and my friend is training in Reflexology so
I
> > get
> > > that weekly too!
> > >
> > > Now I really must go!  I just wanted to share the good news.  Its
> doesn't
> > > sound so great on paper but it honestly feels like months to me!  I
grow
> > > stronger every day and suddenly I have a future!
> > >
> > > Thanks for caring,
> > > Loads and loads of love to you all,
> > > Hannah :-)
> > > ----- Original Message -----
> > > From: "Ms Iboga" <ms_iboga at yahoo.com>
> > > To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
> > > Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2005 7:57 PM
> > > Subject: [Ibogaine] Hannah
> > >
> > >
> > > > Hi Hannah,
> > > >
> > > > how are ya, girl?  Haven't heard from you in a
> > > > while...wondering how yer doin'?
> > > >
> > > > love Julie
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > __________________________________
> > > > Do you Yahoo!?
> > > > Yahoo! Mail - 250MB free storage. Do more. Manage less.
> > > > http://info.mail.yahoo.com/mail_250
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>
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