[Ibogaine] Hannah

Hannah Clay hannah.clay at ntlworld.com
Thu Jan 20 19:34:37 EST 2005

I must be really quick cuz I have to go to bed cuz I'm up early in the
morning.  Basically I've been busy keeping clean ( :-)))) and my PC's been
down for ages.  I have 624 messages from the list to work through and dunno
when I'll get round to it!  Hope everybody's ok and happy?  I've been up and
down.  I've dabbled so I guess I'm not clean but I FEEL clean!  It doesn't
rule my life anymore though I still unfortunately have a few problems with
people from the scene.  I feel like its ages since I had any but now I see
it was only 8 days ago but only a tiny bit.  Put it like this-in the past
4.5wks I've had it 4 times n that's AMAZING for me.  Today I was unfortunate
enough to have to sit in a room with people doing it but I felt NOTHING!
Its like I can see rationally again.  And when I have slipped its been small
amounts and each time I've instantly regretted it.  I'm down from 8mg to 2mg
of Subutex a day.  It feels like its been months!  I don't want anymore
though I'm taking it one day at a time.  Most people don't know but even
those that don't have said how much happier and healthier I look.  I'm still
cut up about being dumped from my 3yr relationship but I'm used to it now
and enjoying the freedom-my flat's never been so tidy!  Now there's no man
to mess it up as soon as I've cleaned it! ;-)  I said I was gonna be quick
and I really must go.  I'm working on my self-confidence and just started my
Open University course so I can finally complete the last 2yrs of my BSc
Psychology degree!  I'm very poor on benefits and trying to pay rent alone
etc but compared to when I was doing gear I'm rich!  I can't believe all the
money I threw away (or shot up my veins)-now I can see how much £25 actually
buys you!  I can't believe I was spending hundreds some days!  I was getting
badly into crack aswell so really my boyf did the best thing.  Without him
judging me and making me feel ashamed I'm a totally different person.  I've
met loads of new (clean) friends and now actually have a social life!  I
walk my dog miles each day and I'm getting back into my Yoga and trying to
eat healthily.  I am taking the odd Valium tough, probably 3 a week-will
this become a problem?  Its just I still get periods of intense despair and
anxiety, especially about starting my course and they really help.  I don't
want to abuse them though, just use them if I really need them.  This is
turning into an essay!  I've missed you guys so much and always wondered how
you're all doing.  I'll probably have to put a couple of days aside to get
through this backlog!  Oh and my friend is training in Reflexology so I get
that weekly too!

Now I really must go!  I just wanted to share the good news.  Its doesn't
sound so great on paper but it honestly feels like months to me!  I grow
stronger every day and suddenly I have a future!

Thanks for caring,
Loads and loads of love to you all,
Hannah :-)
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Ms Iboga" <ms_iboga at yahoo.com>
To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2005 7:57 PM
Subject: [Ibogaine] Hannah

> Hi Hannah,
> how are ya, girl?  Haven't heard from you in a
> while...wondering how yer doin'?
> love Julie
> __________________________________
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