[Ibogaine] free

Misstyfyd at aol.com Misstyfyd at aol.com
Wed Jan 19 07:54:14 EST 2005

I know he's feeling guilty because he let me down, but he doesn't understand 
that i don't hold him entirely accountable for the years of hell.  It was a 
time in his life that he would have experienced with or without me, and i'm glad 
i was there for him.  I don't mean to imply a codependency or anything, but i 
met him right at the start of his decent into madness (though i didn't know 
it at the time) and i know who he is.  I know because i've never been closer to 
a human being in all my life and i don't think that i ever will be again.  
That kept me there, and now he says that person was a lark, but there is no 
possible way it could have been faked. and i still think there some kind of 
denial, or stage that he has to hit or go through. i'm not sure.  everyone says that 
he is dead, and i have to let it go.  but i know what was inside of him.  I 
do. i saw it.  I have tears in my eyes just thinking on it.  Does that person 
die?  That's all i'm wondering, because when i look at him, once a month when 
he lets me, i see him in there, i can't explain it, but there is something deep 
down in his eyes that lets me know he's lost in there.  and i can't do 
anything right, and i can't say anything right to bring him back, but i can't 
believe that he's not who he was.   Okay, totally babbling.  you are not a 
counselor.  i know.  I go to far.  Jessica
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