[Ibogaine] greetings re:fear

m.finman mafinman at optonline.net
Fri Jan 14 18:40:53 EST 2005

     I'm 5mos+ out from my ibogaine after 20++years of insanity.  I consider it nothing short of a miracle and am aware many times a day how different life is for me now.  I actually cannot picture that I was the one that lived that existance for all those years. When I think back on it occasionally It's like watching a movie and not having any idea who the leading actor is.  
     I'm curious who these "experts" are.  Could they be makers of methedone, or politicians that get rich importing heroin or could it be some provider who wants you to spend a years income to get treated in their "safe surroundings"? Maybe it's my lack of respect for authority (since I was 6) that has me questioning things validity regardless of what someone  with a god complex or financial motives says. You did comment that in what you read you don't find it statistically to be unsafe. Your brain and instincts got you this far.  I'll have a large glass of faith and could I get a shot of confidence to go with that! Glug Glug.  Ok silly but it's a good visualization if in the end you crap out fear!! 
     Fear and people dying,  makes me think of all the people who od'd on street drugs or died of HIV or been thrown off of rooftops or out of windows because of drugs. 
I had no fear at 4:00am crawling into unbricked abandoned buildings on the lower east side or over the bridge in williamsburg and walking up some almost nonexistant stairs to hand a whole lot of cash to some guy and then walk out onto a street full of junkies and cops.  I always figured I had beat out the statistics on all that stuff that I was meant for other things and if all that didn't get me and kill me it wasn't going to happen now.
     Other than wanting hope and salvation from all this (which is what I feel I got) and being practical and taking some precautions I guess the thing would be to get an ekg (which is all I had)  and if there are doubts about your heart an echo cardiogram would reveal more.  Blood work for liver levels if you suspect problems there.  
     I remember after my flooding dose after being dope sick before starting as it hit and I was lying on the bed as all the visuals in my head came on I recall taking a second to realize that my body at that point in time was as still and peaceful as it ever had been.  Pretty good for someone who was just dopesick!
     Physical death is a possibility crossing the street or getting out of the bathtub.  I guess it would depend on how concrete your spiritual beliefs are as to how big a deal in the scheme of things that is.  I remember knowing that death was something that was a possibility and I took precautions to make sure the peoples who's house I was in would take no heat( what's one more dead junkie in the bronx anyway). The rest was something I wasn't going to anxt about because the bottom line was I was doing the ibogaine and let come what may.  
     I wish for you the peace and calm to realize that which you already know.
      ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: stowe01 at comcast.net 
  To: ibogaine at mindvox.com 
  Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2005 1:40 AM
  Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] greetings

         I am new to this site and I am doing ibogaine in feb. Saw your comments and dont know what you mean by dead ends, but I have an idea. Is it the off the wall comments from some people, I guess I am neither not on some peoples level or maybe it is a post ibo language or it is inside conversation, I just dont know. I cant follow what some people are talking about. Any way I am glad that ibogane saved you. I would really appreciate any comments that would help reduce my fear of the ibogaine experience. I have a fear of dying from it. Is that normal .I have read alot on it and I dont see any evidence that it is statistacally dangerous. But the so called experts on the web make you feel like that you are crazy for doing it and more crazy if it is not under stringent medical care. What is your comment on it. Would you be scared to do it again? 

      -------------- Original message -------------- 

      > greetings, 
      > i'm guessing that i might need to introduce myself. my name's chretien and 
      > i've been living in mexico this past year. i took the long hard road of 
      > heroin addiction for 10 years until i met up with ibogaine. in a nutshell, 
      > it saved my life and gave me renewed direction and i've been dope-free for 
      > over 18 moons now. woohoo! anyways, i used to be on this list until i got 
      > feed up with dead ends and no action, just alot of talk. maybe things are 
      > different now, i know they are with me. ok, that's my intro in a nutshell. 
      > more later... 
      > mucho amor, 
      > chretien schiffer 
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