[Ibogaine] "you really jarred something loose tiger"/Spotless Mind Flick/My Private Ibogaine

Preston Peet ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
Mon Jan 10 07:36:57 EST 2005


>Spotting her mannerisms in Spotless movie, remind me
of Erin.  Lately, Been having to come to that, you
know, similar to onion Layers, before iboga before
jail before 9/11 before wake up to knock on car window
with police flashlight,

Next Layer Leads to -->best friend
betrays....obviously because I had slowly been
betraying her.

Rejection & Shame & forever stumbling Attempts to
Anticipate Rejection, new strategies over and over
again etc. <

I NEVER thought it would happen to me after going through my own break up 
(which films like Spotless will inevitably bring up memories of) with a girl 
I moved from Atlanta to Holland with back in 1991. We had the most horrible 
breakup I could imagine (though I'm sure most here have gone through similar 
heartbreak at least once at some point in time) and used it as reason to 
continue using prodigous amounts of mind warping, feelings killing narcotics 
for years afterwards. I realized that it took until the very end of the 
second time (I sat through Spotless four times in 24 hours- it really struck 
a chord in me) watching it for me to even think of Jennifer, a girl I loved 
so much I slit my wrists deeply when realizing I'd gone to far and said to 
much been to unkind...errr, (sorry all, and nods to R. Smith) and our 
relationship was really finished- because of my drug abuse patterns. It used 
to be that a film like Spotless would have me weeping in memory of Jennifer, 
as I haven't any idea what happened to her, where she is and that sort of 
thing, and still to this day feel extremely sharp pangs of pain in my chest 
when I stop to think about that, that I don't know where she is or what 
she's doing or if she's survived the intervening years. (And I can't think 
of any way to track her down either, not knowing her SS number.) But like I 
said, it wasn't until the second time through that I even thought of 
Jennifer and our breakup- all I was thinking about while watching Spotless 
the first time through, and most of each other time through too, was how 
awful it would be to ever reach that phase with V.
    I am one of the very luckiest men in the entire world, what with having 
V in my life (knock loudly on lotsa wood please.) She is a very special 
person, and I never thought I'd EVER get to be with someone who could make 
me forget Jennifer for even a minute- but somehow I have succeeded and found 
just that person who could.


Peace and love,
Preston Peet

"Madness is not enlightenment, but the search for enlightenment is often 
mistaken for madness"
Richard Davenport-Hines

ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
Editor http://www.drugwar.com
Editor "Under the Influence- the Disinformation Guide to Drugs"
Cont. High Times mag/.com
Cont. Editor http://www.disinfo.com
Columnist New York Waste
Etc.


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "knowone knowwhere" <kn0m0n3 at yahoo.co.uk>
To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
Sent: Sunday, January 09, 2005 6:33 PM
Subject: [Ibogaine] "you really jarred something loose tiger"/Spotless Mind 
Flick/My Private Ibogaine


> Repot for []\/[] [] |\| |) \/ 0 X :  Sunday Jan 9th
> 2005 5:39 AM
>
> Spotting her mannerisms in Spotless movie, remind me
> of Erin.  Lately, Been having to come to that, you
> know, similar to onion Layers, before iboga before
> jail before 9/11 before wake up to knock on car window
> with police flashlight,
>
> Next Layer Leads to -->best friend
> betrays....obviously because I had slowly been
> betraying her.
>
> Rejection & Shame & forever stumbling Attempts to
> Anticipate Rejection, new strategies over and over
> again etc.
>
> "What's methadone"  she said.   ; )  She was too
> trusting in the world and wouldn't know about anything
> like that.   "I'll tell you later", I said.
>
> I miss her.  I really miss her.  Or at least, I miss
> "her", weather that her is anywhere close to the
> actual her is highly unlikely.
>
> The real question is would I go through it all again
> knowing what I know now.  Roots of -->[ ]<--
> bending  Spotless. bendinG coagulation
> epresectambodimyism embrmorphopam
> cc®ldldlaieeek rdldlocks var vesential  vor thle
> paranoia therapy to take effect own re-living
> dejaoi\/ukxking\/ynL widow Today window did are darky
> witty minty wint entity ear ring buzz cranial saw
> Taste
> \/isions
>
>                         Bitter Granola Blanket RED
> \/\/armth, ..4 the world.
>
> Smoldering Orlaam kick
> Sleep 4 hours in 6 weeks
> "Take that you freaky piece of shit!!"
> Sleep 240 minutes in 6 weeks
> Orlaam kick *_*  "you really jarred something loose
> tiger."
> 4 hours 6 weeks
> ON.
> 4 hours 6 weeks
> A Hurricane for the
> 4 hours in 6 weeks
> Sickness Super Glue
> 4 hours 6 weeks
> Internal Gravity Crushing, but I wasn't alone.
> She stays, even when I tell her that touch fells like
> a bruise, She stays.
> She stayed.  She should have left.  And She Left, when
> she should have stayed.
>
> Pe0ple crawling up building in HCL were, in part, me
> avoiding at all cost, in the case of the feelings
> spotless movie brought up, it is, in part, about Erin
> and the perceived verification of the inevitability of
> rejection, this leads to shame, and avoiding/hiding
> true self as long as possible, because if they find
> true self, (shame is a belief that something is
> essentially wrong with our being) they will reject.
> Just a matter of time.  What are the pro's and con's
> of this way of seeing or meme or paradigm or whatever.
>
> The nano Bugs we're obviously everywhere, I think I've
> already told you about the tapping the agents with the
> blow up doll routine.  Who's to say that wasn't just
> bait to get us to expose our position in that point in
> space time.  A false sense of security is one of the
> quickest methods for extracting marketable
> information.  In the same way that few people in
> Dallas paint their bodies with a colored afro-wig in a
> crowd unless they are at the Cowboy game.
>
> I really only read non-fiction.  The only two
> non-fiction books in the entire Prison was a History
> book from the 1960's and an old 200 page Britannica
> Essay Collection (it had a blue cover).  I came across
> the history book first.  The main thing that stood out
> to me was that while I was reading, I was living a
> more comfortable life then George Washington.  I had
> hot water.  I had hot "food".  This was essential
> information because I had no money for commentary, I
> had just kicked 'done, and my multi-year xanex and
> tamazepam 'scripts got lost in the system.  I knew I
> was physically weak and thus a potential target, so
> alliances were vital, and not letting ANY opportunity
> get by and was able to squeak out without adding too
> much to any harm done.
>
> Most of the books were that Armageddon series but the
> Essay Collection had some decent introductions to
> ideas, especially for prison books.   There is a great
> Essay about guerrilla warfare, and how killing is not
> for the objective of killing but killing is
> essentially only a stage for information objectives.
>
> High Pitched "Static" sound was the sound of the
> microphone/bugs sensitivity being turned up, hot on
> the set energy, like when you turn up the volume on a
> receiver without input, the noise of "silence" that
> results.  Products of previous environments, random
> environments influencing paths, how much influence I
> wonder..
>
> So does good always equal random or random always
> equal good??  Of course not.  Each Now has it's own
> particular gravitational influences due to its
> placement and spacing.  Random is like a trick play or
> Heroin, it works Less the More it is consumed.  For
> example, when applying intention Random is fickle.  It
> is easier to banish negativity with Random then Create
> Positive with Random.  This seems to happen at the
> beginning.
>
> Has traditional compulsion rehabilitation used social
> pressure to re-enforce an agenda, and can that
> re-enforcement be abused or perhaps even contributes
> to it's own potential for abuse?  If so can it be
> reversed.  If not is it possible or likely that it
> will?  Is it in the subjects interest for them to be
> aware they are being hypnotized?  Is all hypnosis bad?
>
> Could we define manipulation without the existence of
> non-manipulation?
>
> Aware of the bugs, we must do something to prevent
> being predictable, to stay a step ahead of
> agents/"cia" ;  In random chaos is a comfort that is
> difficult for machines to reach, in the same way a
> program designed to determine a beats per minute
> number is puzzled by the sound of a Compact Disk
> "skipping".
>
> In "skipping" is a temple without agents of control.
> A womb during apocalypse.
>
> Not to mention, I have been considering doing an mdma
> deluxe session w/ a girl I'm not really that attracted
> to.  I think I've decided against it.  But the idea of
> it brought up yearning type energy for Erin that I
> hadn't consciously thought of in a couple of years at
> least due to being so preoccupied with legal and
> opioid kick shyt.  I didn't even really think about
> that either, then Preston mentions the Spotless movie,
> and it is like a flood gate was opened.  "It" Says:
> So, ok, their was like this major thing that really
> affected you that you haven't looked at yet, here's
> the last 3 years of that.  <clu-plump>  (sound of
> dense black hole rock dropping in pool of water).
>
> In "skipping" is a temple without agents of control.
> A womb during apocalypse.
> /111111
>
>
>
>
>
>
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