iboga experience & therapy

Ekkehard Rau ekkijdfg at gmx.de
Thu Jan 6 19:19:23 EST 2005


hello everybody!

i was on this list a while ago, was off for a year and are back now.
here´s my story:

i became a daily user of h nearly 4 years ago.
since two years my life has been a circle of withdrawals and relapses. 
in october i was in the black forest (i live in south-west germany at 
the moment) when i ran out of dope. after two days i had to call a 
doctor and he send me to a lokal hospital. it was ridiculous: i got so 
much methadon, haldol, valium, tramadol and some pills that i felt 
higher than when i was still on h and downers. after 5 days i was 
released, not detoxed at all. i spend about 6 weeks with not much 
sleep. i drank lots of vodka and layed in bed most of the time. 
occasionally i would take some valium, tramadol or fentanyl.

on friday, december the 10th, i took about 25 grams of rootbark extract 
all by myself. (my provider emailed that 15g should be maximum.) it 
really blew me away. after 8 hours i took more extract, maybe 10g. i 
flushed the rest (i had 50g) down the toilet since i feared to od on 
ibo. i was in a nice dreamy state until saturday noon. then i felt 
terrible. on tuesday(12/14/04) i od´ed on speedballs, probably because 
my system was already fairly clean and i still had the iboga in my 
body. i stopped breathing, my lips turned blue, my heartbeat was 190 
and bloodpressure 60 to 88, i learned later. luckily someone was around 
to call an ambulance. they pumped me with oxygen and i came back to 
consciousness at the emergency station of a hospital. the next day i 
gave a lecture at university about william burroughs (funny 
coincidence). i drank heavily until sunday the 18th. i awoke on monday 
morning the 19th, badly shaking, and knew it was all over. i really 
woke up. no craving any more. no drinking or drugs necessary since 
then. i felt the big, enormous, radiating and rotating sun i saw on 
iboga shining all inside and outside of me.

  the next couple of days i started to digest my iboga experience. i saw 
very sad and dead lifeless fields and landscapes that filled me with 
grief and compassion. i think those are the realms of my addiction. 
then lots of demons where welcoming me with scornful laughter. for a 
while every thought i had was spoken by changing characters that i saw 
standing before me.  i seemed to leave my_self, also my body. i cannot 
remember everything that happened afterwards. there were ancient 
tribes,plants and  flowers, mutating grimaces, a smiling girl. most 
impressive was the sun.
  while this experience can be seen as something coming out of the 
(un)conscious to be interpreted as a bunch of symbols, i also felt like 
entering another world that exists independent of myself, still i seem 
to be related to it.
being a psychedelic oldtimer of berlin techno scene in the 90s i 
already made some synaptic journeys, but iboga is really something 
else.
what wonders me is that it needed 10 days to free me. then i also 
stopped smoking without any effort or will-power.

while there is a lot of i in this text i feel quite unpersonal these 
days, a state i know from times of 3 or 4 weeks of intense 
zen-meditation. the iboga gave me the desire to practice zen again, it 
also sparkled an interest in shamanism. i recently met a mexican indian 
initiated into a peyote cult. i told him my experience and he gave very 
good and helpful remarks like he knows about those other worlds.

i plan to try iboga on my ex. she is shooting up lots of c&h and ran 
out of veins. also she is very small and thin and has hep c, but not 
acute. we became junkies together.
i want to give her a dose large enough, so that she can cope with 
withdrawal and has a strong experience, on the other hand i fear she 
might collapse since she is in bad shape. the plan is that she leaves 
the scene in berlin a few days before and stays some days at her 
mothers place in munich, where dope is much more expensive, so she will 
reduce her habit there a bit and get good food and some rest. then she 
will come to my place, use up her leftovers, wait for withdrawal to set 
in and then start with the rootbark extract. i have taken a course in 
first aid 2 years ago and i will have a oxygen mask as well as phone 
numbers of emergency medical doctors. i read everything on ibogatherapy 
i found in the net. she was in hospital in nov to detox where they 
didn´t report anything wrong with her heart or liver, but i don´t have 
an actual EKG or blood values. there is no open scene for drugs where i 
life (at least not in winter), so she won´t be able to cop easily the 
first days after the session. she is planing some aftercare program 
like travelling to italy and afrika.
do you guys think bwiti-music and incense can be of help? are there any 
other measures of caution to be taken?
i´ll be greatful for any comments.

-ekki



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