[Ibogaine] thoughts on a movie and ibogaine

Marcus aktionman at phantom.com
Thu Jan 6 01:25:43 EST 2005


preston......
your post kinda hit me where i live. i took ibo for a 25yr opiate
dependence 7 yrs ago this march 28. i was able to stay offa dope except
for a handful of times the first 4 yrs. i got my life pretty much on
track. it has stayed that way even with some personal setbacks. i've
been reading the list since before i took ibo, so i kinda know most of
the rogues gallery here.....and can relate.

like you, i too have pain probs i have to deal with. however i was
determind to not go back to coping & everything that it involves. i
sought out a pain mgmt. speacialist, who turned out to be very
understanding. so after 2 & 1/2 yrs. i've been on oxys (80mgs 3x
daily). i seem to be ok with this. i don't escalate too much......altho
i started out on 20mgs. but with my history, this is ok.

i even have an emergency dose of ibo.......should things get outta hand.
i've had this sitting for close to 3 yrs. every so often i get
depressed and try to find a 4-5 day window........but by the time i do,
i'm not in the shithouse anymore.

the insight i gained from my ibo trip has long since faded in
intensity......but sumwhere the lessons have stayed.
i don't know where i'm goin' with this.........'cept i feel ya,
bro!!!!

On 1/6/2005, "Preston Peet" <ptpeet at nyc.rr.com> wrote:

>so,
>    I have some thought after watching Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind,
>and that mainly consists of not only holy shit that was an emotional session
>watching this flick all by myself trying to ration out the last of my pain
>meds before seeing my doc on Friday (god this sounds freakin weird, kinda
>like deja vu) but I kept being reminded of my ibogaine sessions while
>watching the whole dream session where they wiped his memories. He kept
>struggling to wake up and fight the eraser people and they kept finding him
>no matter where he tried to hide his memories of Clementine.
>    Now granted, I realize fully that lack of sufficiant opiates is making
>me a bit emotional, but I highly recommend this film to anyone who isn't
>afraid to watch a very different kind of film, utterly fucking brilliant but
>very different. If you've not tried something along the lines of ibogaine or
>massive doses of mushrooms (you know, over 7 grams at a time) or mainlining
>ketamine, this film will give you somewhat of an idea of some of what I
>myself felt at times on each and every of those experiences.
>    Wow, I am wiped out after sitting through this.
>    I have to admit to feeling a bit confused about the whole ibogaine
>thing. I felt wonderful and KNEW it was going to fade and many have made
>their various suggestions, and yet, here I am, right back near pretty
>freakin much where I started...well, that's not really quite right, I'm not
>doing 30 40 dilaudids a day, but I am taking them at a level that my doc is
>calling "a lot" which is never a good sign. God damn it I'd set up aother
>session for "before Christmas" but when the provider called saying "we've
>got to set/finalize this up," I've blown off calling him back (and feel very
>badly about it as I feel he's a friend of mine) but it's very hard to call
>someone like this and say, "no, can't quite afford it," or "no, not really
>quite ready to go again as much as I think I might want to sometimes" etc,
>etc, you know, all jumbled and confused and not quite sure what I want to
>do. Or what to think really.
>    Anyway, the point of this is I still recommend ibogaine to anyone who
>wants to give it a try, and would probably at some point yes do it again.
>But watching this film tonight made me realize just how much I really am
>unsure about subjecting myself to that experience again- even with an
>insatiable opiate appetite. After what has happened to many (to the best of
>my very, very limited knowlege "a lot") in NYC after going through what was
>a very happy time but now experiencing not quite as happy times I'd imagine,
>I'm as noted confused. and unsure about stuff. Heck, again, I don't really
>know how I feel or really even what I'm trying to say but wanted to vent
>here and hope you don't mind.
>    Carry on, and again, I highly recommend this movie I spoke of above,
>it's brilliant, or at least I myself thought.
>
>
>Peace and love,
>Preston
>
>"Madness is not enlightenment, but the search for enlightenment is often
>mistaken for madness"
>Richard Davenport-Hines
>
>ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
>Editor http://www.drugwar.com
>Editor "Under the Influence- the Disinformation Guide to Drugs"
>Cont. High Times mag/.com
>Cont. Editor http://www.disinfo.com
>Columnist New York Waste
>Etc.
>
>
>
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p,l,&u
marcus



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