thoughts on a movie and ibogaine
ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
Wed Jan 5 22:57:33 EST 2005
I have some thought after watching Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind,
and that mainly consists of not only holy shit that was an emotional session
watching this flick all by myself trying to ration out the last of my pain
meds before seeing my doc on Friday (god this sounds freakin weird, kinda
like deja vu) but I kept being reminded of my ibogaine sessions while
watching the whole dream session where they wiped his memories. He kept
struggling to wake up and fight the eraser people and they kept finding him
no matter where he tried to hide his memories of Clementine.
Now granted, I realize fully that lack of sufficiant opiates is making
me a bit emotional, but I highly recommend this film to anyone who isn't
afraid to watch a very different kind of film, utterly fucking brilliant but
very different. If you've not tried something along the lines of ibogaine or
massive doses of mushrooms (you know, over 7 grams at a time) or mainlining
ketamine, this film will give you somewhat of an idea of some of what I
myself felt at times on each and every of those experiences.
Wow, I am wiped out after sitting through this.
I have to admit to feeling a bit confused about the whole ibogaine
thing. I felt wonderful and KNEW it was going to fade and many have made
their various suggestions, and yet, here I am, right back near pretty
freakin much where I started...well, that's not really quite right, I'm not
doing 30 40 dilaudids a day, but I am taking them at a level that my doc is
calling "a lot" which is never a good sign. God damn it I'd set up aother
session for "before Christmas" but when the provider called saying "we've
got to set/finalize this up," I've blown off calling him back (and feel very
badly about it as I feel he's a friend of mine) but it's very hard to call
someone like this and say, "no, can't quite afford it," or "no, not really
quite ready to go again as much as I think I might want to sometimes" etc,
etc, you know, all jumbled and confused and not quite sure what I want to
do. Or what to think really.
Anyway, the point of this is I still recommend ibogaine to anyone who
wants to give it a try, and would probably at some point yes do it again.
But watching this film tonight made me realize just how much I really am
unsure about subjecting myself to that experience again- even with an
insatiable opiate appetite. After what has happened to many (to the best of
my very, very limited knowlege "a lot") in NYC after going through what was
a very happy time but now experiencing not quite as happy times I'd imagine,
I'm as noted confused. and unsure about stuff. Heck, again, I don't really
know how I feel or really even what I'm trying to say but wanted to vent
here and hope you don't mind.
Carry on, and again, I highly recommend this movie I spoke of above,
it's brilliant, or at least I myself thought.
Peace and love,
"Madness is not enlightenment, but the search for enlightenment is often
mistaken for madness"
ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
Editor "Under the Influence- the Disinformation Guide to Drugs"
Cont. High Times mag/.com
Cont. Editor http://www.disinfo.com
Columnist New York Waste
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