[Ibogaine] Belief Systems: The Path of Eboga - Att. Nick

Nick Sandberg nick227 at tiscali.co.uk
Sun Jan 2 14:13:19 EST 2005

  -----Original Message-----
  From: Lee Albert [mailto:myeboga at yahoo.co.uk]
  Sent: 02 January 2005 14:50
  To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
  Subject: RE: [Ibogaine] Belief Systems: The Path of Eboga - Att. Nick

  Nick wrote:

  I am just offering that you point your attention back toward your actual
identity, back before the mind's conception of who you were commenced.


  Point taken on board and I will certainly push the boat out to go as far
as I can in understanding what there is that can in some way be

  I would however like to add that I believe in a God the Creator as I have
met him.

  Hi Lee,

  First of all, Happy New Year to you and all on the list! Think I forgot to
mention that before. And, yes, me too, I believe in God, it's just that I'm
also aware that I am this God, you too, everyone else and all, whether
consciously aware of it or not!

   This came about after I realised I had been created and I simply had to
give thanks and thanks for this amazing gift of being. I said it to him and
he came out from above and knodded like, yeh, so now you know what I do. And
then he went back in like a humble inventor preocupied with his creation. An
amazing moment. The Goddess is a Goddess of love and like humans I think we
are the children of this union in the same way as babies are the fruit of
the human womb.

  So to burn my point a little more. What I think you are refering to is the
material of creation and I am refering to the fruits of creation - both to
be appreciated. However, there are no Gods as such in the source other than
the source itself. Which is probably why you experience what you do - it
seems to me.

  Well, I'm anglo-iranian but was brought up good old C of E protestant.

  Interesting mix. Must explain somethings.

  Well, I guess so! I was adopted as a kid by a regular british family so
have no cultural connection to Iran. Women in particular tell me I have a
lot of Iranian energy though, so I guess it comes out anyway.

  Life for the mind gets harder because it is constantly confronted with two
opposing perspectives.

  Sounds like our discussions.

  Yes, I can always see your side of it. It's just that the mind trying to
make sense of the world can't ever really get there, for the simple reason
that our existence is a complete fucking mystery, and our actual identity
the biggest mystery of all. A few years ago I thought I really knew it all,
nowadays I'm aware just how limited my knowledge is.

  I don't have a choice to take a spiritual path because I already know
there's nowhere it could possibly lead to.

  Is that because you have closed the door on knowledge of creation? You can
say that you and I are one but I know I dont sleep in the same bed with you.
So why cant we be one and not one? If so why not explore the not one for a
while and maybe I can go and explore the one?

  Well, the thing I have with "spiritual paths" is that they all seem to
have this basic idea that following a series of beliefs or practices will
take you somewhere. And, in a way it's true, but once you've actually been
where they're purporting to lead then the desire to follow them gets
dissipated. For most, I guess, freedom comes once they've given up on all
the paths. This said, I've studied Qabalah about 5 and a half years. I keep
giving it up but somewhere I get sucked back in. Guess I need more resolve!
If I name a path then mine's satsang and advaita with encounter and
bioenergetics. But this is not really a path it's just what I've

  You also can't play small any longer, you can't hide behind the facade of
"little me", this little being in a vast sea, because there is also the
awareness that you experientially are the vast sea.

  Ok, I like what you are saying here and in someone who is cleaned up
spiritually, this is possibly a way to experience union with all. Yet, Self
Awareness is a characteristic of Creation and I think that Self Awareness
helps Creation to grow as the Self develops a greater closeness to All out
of Self Awareness and also Self Interest.


  PS When did you start having these experiences & why?

  Why? Fuck knows! I could relate an experience I had the last time I did
any iboga. It was last May, I think. I'd taken a few grams of rootbark with
a friend and we were hanging out chatting about life and stuff. Later on I
went back to my room and lay down. At some point I became aware that I had
always been there, watching all this stuff go by. I'd seen the big bang and
the rest of it all. Then, at some point, this thought "I, I, I" had just
started arising and it had accreted this body to it and now I was in this
physical realm having all these great physical experiences. When I looked
back behind this "I", shit, it was really fucking madness! After this I
resumed working on my crazy side with more zeal!

  I've had plenty of other experiences but frankly I usually find it pretty
tedious to read people's spiritual experiences, unless they're really juicy,
so I try not to go on about my own. Doing so only drags me back into all
this spiritual foolishness anyway. There's a terrible reidentification that
comes in when people get into all this spiritual stuff. For sure you can let
go of a lot but there can be a wicked price.

  with love


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