[Ibogaine] addict, junkie, alkie, jerk, spineless weak willed , punk, whatever..(OT)

Ron Davis rwd3 at cox.net
Sun Feb 20 15:22:34 EST 2005


          Matt:
Thanks for the thoughts in my situation.  I have never considered  the  options you present.  I would have to consult with the healer i referred to in my rant as this individual 
is someone i respect and the only person w/ the balls on the list to step forward and offer to help  me  w/o bleeding me dry. Can i contact you off list or you contact me?  Again,  thank you very much as you have given me more insight into safeways to extricate myself from my fix...yeah, it's all mine , although this benzo thing wasn't presented  with the ending 
i was hoping for.  Shame on me for not doing my homework.  Wishing you a peaceful path with my thanks, ron                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: matthew zielinski 
  To: ibogaine at mindvox.com 
  Sent: Sunday, February 20, 2005 9:58 AM
  Subject: RE: [Ibogaine] addict, junkie, alkie, jerk, spineless weak willed , punk, whatever..(OT)


  Hey man...I feel your pain...been there.....Have you considered cominig to Canada maybe renting a motel ordering Ibogaine from a chemical house here which would ship in less than a week?  Or maybe try contacting Iboga Therapy house ....its not free anymore its 1500$can i think....but thats better than spending 10000$...if i could help you with anything let me know ...Im in Toronto..

  Best Regards

  -----Peace & Love----

  --Matt---



  >From: "Ron Davis" <rwd3 at cox.net> >Reply-To: ibogaine at mindvox.com >To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com> >Subject: [Ibogaine] addict, junkie, alkie, jerk, spineless weak willed , punk, whatever..(OT) >Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2005 00:29:06 -0600 > >not having done the ibo thing and wondering how in the hell i could afford 10 large for a session, i''m probably not qualified to speak on the list. hence i've reduced myself to lurking and reading the posts and making infrequent sarcastic statements because i'm jealous of the fact i've worked myself into a cross addicted state that precludes me from doing ibo now. benzos >seem to be the primary stumbling block although i'm slowly working it down thanks to the help of a person on the list that intervened to help me for no other reason than, at least i can see, to help me heal. benzos at mega doses for long periods of time really set the stage for a crash landing that seems unparallel when compared to all the other detoxes i have endured over the last forty years. they were always the last drug to go after doing a store in the 70's when all the good stuff was used up. i fell into them a few yrs. back trying to beat an oxy habit that came from surgery. i "slipped" "relapsed" had a planned session or what ever but used after being chemically free for over a decade. no alcohol, no herb no no nuthin' and i never thought about it, sobriety became a given and i did nothing to preserve it. > >this time around i have put everything i was blessed with achieving on the line and may lose it all before it's over, only time will tell. my history is this: my drug of choice was whatever i could get my hands on at any given time. if i had bucks and a good H connection, i was a junkie. no H then pharmaceuticals, demerol, talwin, codeine, meth, methadone, maintenance, reduction. airplane glue, nose inhalers, paregoric(sic), antihistamines in the joint and of course always with a splash of alcohol. morning glory seeds, nutmeg, canned heat, gi gin, every freaking thing i could do. it was a fulltime job and eventually i reached a point where i could not get "right" from any drug out there because of my tolerances. when i chose to use again or slipped(oops!) i went back to that state immediately. > >now some folks on the list romanticize their use but i can't do that. this stuff stripped me of every shred of dignity i possessed and took everything i ever had from me...women, jobs, family, money, friends...you name it, i lost it. i always carried a piece b/c someone was always looking for my ass and also b/c i never knew when it was going to get so bad i would have blow my brains out. i often struggled with pawning my gun so i could score b/c i couldn't be sure when i would get the cash back in case i had to waste myself. > >i remember walking into the free community treatment house and getting turned away because i was known to be a bad influence on group therapy. i also remember being put into a jail cell after a big county wide sting, jonesing to the gills, only to realize that all 13 other inmates in there were dudes i had ripped off. i mastered verbal judo then. > >i can remember hooking up with younger guys so they could bring people around that were looking to score so i could rob them because i could not show my face on the streets of atlanta without getting shot. then once we scored the young guys would want to "get down and party" and i would say we didn't have time because we had to get ready to go score again. the thing i liked best about cocaine was that after getting off, you were on auto pilot and had to score again, so no decisions to be made.as it was already made for me. > >point of this rant is this: i think anyone can get a jones on these opiates if they take them long enough, but then there's losers like me who have a screw loose and just keep moving down a flight about the time i think i can't sink any lower. today's basement is tomorrow's penthouse. wasn't anything glamorous about my lifestyle and pimping my old lady and stealing from my parents. i suppose i was making choices but it didn't feel like it at the time. and one thing's indelibly imprinted in my brain, once i get a taste of anything, i'm going to get some more at whatever the cost. my life was and still is a cesspool and i pray i can slither out before someone takes me out. in my travels, i found out one other thing, if you have any doubts about your state of addiction or disease, just keep using, the answer will come. i consider it a pleasure to be allowed to follow your accounts and wish all a peaceful path, ron > > 


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Send junk mail straight into your Recycle Bin with MSN Premium: Join now and get the first two months FREE* /]=---------------------------------------------------------------------=[\ [%] Ibogaine List Commands: http://ibogaine.mindvox.com/IbogaineList.html [%] \]=---------------------------------------------------------------------=[/ 
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://www.mindvox.com/pipermail/ibogaine/attachments/20050220/9b284c19/attachment.html>


More information about the Ibogaine mailing list