captkirk captkirk at
Sat Dec 31 22:21:09 EST 2005

Thanks for this Ron.  Don't know about others, but it always
helps to know a bit of background about people.  Yours has
been a hard road by the sounds, what do you mean when you
say the ibo kicked your ass? I don't think i've heard you
talk about the session much... I would be interested to know
what happened, thats if you want to talk about it.
anyway big hugs from the Captain.  Stick with the list for
sure. Don't let anyone chase you off.  It's helped me so
much and it can help you too. You'll get there, i know you
will. Depression sux big time.  I'm actually glad i went
thru it, it's helped me understand so much.
Take care of u
Luff heaps
Kirk xx

----- Original Message Follows -----
> Thanks for the interest in my sitch. I'm on bup.  Been
> unhappy for 4 yrs. since I started using again after 15+
> yrs. toal sobriety( no mood or mind altering drugs 'cept
> coffee)  .  Bup was pitched to me as a way to get off
> oxys.  I was off the chart. I was told stuff was not
> addicting  or at least "not very"  whatever that means. It
> was later approved as a means for maintenance and then the
> facts started comming down...longer half life than meth,
> bitch to kick,  you know the drill.   I picked up after
> surgery and went to the races b/4 the bup.. My tolerances
> went back to 70's level and more and I was doing 12 80 mg.
> oxys a day.  That's the equiv. of  about 192
> percocets/tylox a day. Once I switched to bup, which is an
> art in itself after doing so many oxys, my tolerance for
> that stuff went to the moon when the med. est. said one
> doesn't acquire a tolerance for bup.    When I did my
> session that I was really looking forward too, I was
> treated by lay people from the list that had ben maligned
> by the pros and  treated great.  Everyone that's been
> around knows him.  He helped me finally get off benzos
> which was another story, but the IBO d/n take or I did not
> take the IBO. It beat me up or something did.  No opiate
> w/ds( i had switched back to oxys for 2 weeks b/4 the
> journey), but the experience kicked my arse. As stated
> sometime ago, I allowed myself 10 days for this which was
> not nearly enough time.  I d/n know if it was the long
> lasting drugs I was taking b/4 the session or my age (56)
> but I could barrely walk.  when I went to work everyone
> looked at my like I was death eating a biscuit, c/n think,
> c/n function in my profession and bingo, I was popping bup
> again.  instant relief and the depression started
> immediately.  I went from hope to whad da fuck happened.? 
> My pessimissim, cynicism , fears, self pity all went
> hywire as you guys have seen  this last yr.  If you asked
> me, ron, would you like to offend about 100 or so people
> that want you well and tick people off, I'd say no way. I
> d/n want to be offensive to anyone. I have spent the last
> 20 yrs. helping indigent people that cops screw over and
> who screw themselves over.  Kept a few off death row. Now
> my career stagnat es as I limit what I do when in this
> state when those I work with have so much at stake.  So,
> there it is...not everyone likes everyone else to state it
> simply.  That's why they make Fords and Chevys I guess.  I
> will stay with list as long as folks can stomach me and
> hopefully contribute something meaningful.  Older I get
> the less I realize I know.  An addict's basement today can
> be tomorrow's penthouse.  Sure hope I and everyone else
> seeking to stay straight make it.  It is a life
> threatening deal for me and I cheer for those that slipped
> away for a week session  and then began sleeping like
> babies afterwards. Actually, I envy them.  ron
>   ----- Original Message ----- 
>   From: CallieMimosa at 
>   To: ibogaine at 
>   Sent: Friday, December 30, 2005 11:40 PM
>   Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] methadone TO BUP from dumb arse
> klown
>   In a message dated 12/30/2005 3:59:32 PM Central
> Standard Time, rwd3 at writes:
>     how can koko be responsible for 
>     feeling like hell after a session?  
>   I'm not sure Ron. I am really happy that you are so
> honest. It takes a lot of guts to say I feel like shit
> after trying something that everyone else has had positive
> result from.
>   Nothing is 100 %.
>   Are you unhappy on Methadone?
>   When is the last time you felt happy? What was your
> situation at that time?
>   Callie

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