slowone at hush.ai slowone at hush.ai
Sat Aug 13 15:00:47 EDT 2005

Hey Matt, welcome to the next stage. I don't know the kicking 
stage, but this one I'm familiar with. I second the suggestions 
about finding some help, getting proactively involved in something 
good, and (was this mentioned?) exercise and good diet. Plus you 
can get anger out by bellowing into a pillow, smashing bottles into 
a trash can, and the like. In the way of doing something good, if 
you can find a way to help others this can really help. In the end 
we all rely one each other, and the feeling of this, relying on a 
therapist, having others rely on you, it all adds up to a life in 
some strange way that dawns slowly amongst the storms. Nurture your 
enjoyment of what simple pleasures are available to you - food, 
water, air, freedom, whatever :-)

On Thu, 11 Aug 2005 09:29:02 -0700 mcorcoran 
<mcorcoran27 at yahoo.com> wrote:
>I'm having a very hard time lately. Not because i have a desire to 

>use but because i have no idea how to live. Now being opiate free, 

>my rage is totally out of control. I'm so disatisfied with life, i 

>go back and forth between angry or lathargic most of the time and 
>when the anger takes control i become completely nuts. 
>Last weekend a friend of mine and my sister screwed me over in a 
>way that most people would consider unforgivable. After letting 
>these feelings of betrayal consume me over the next couple of days 

>I snapped like i always seem to these days went to the friends 
>house early yesterday morning and kicked his door off the hinges 
>pulled him out of bed and kicked the shit out of him. I couldn't 
>stop myself. He was in the hospital all day yesterday and is a 
>mess (fortunately) i dont think he's gonna press charges but my 
>hand is broken so i'm kind fucked anyway. Everyone i know says 
>that he deserved what he got and maybe he did although i feel 
>terrible and the first thing i did when i woke up this morning was 

>cry. but what is most desturbing thing about this whole ordeal is 
>that i'm sick to my stomach thinking how far this rage is taking 
>me. its like since i havent been medicating i've turned into a 
>totally differnt kind of nut and quite frankly i dont like high 
>mark but i think he might have
> been much less of an asshole and maybe even less crazy on some 
>I dont know what to do. i feel like i'm always behind the 8 ball 
>in every important area of my life. the longer i've been straight 
>the more of a mess my life seems to become and its not supposed to 

>be like this. i need to get out of this city for starters and 
>since i can't seem to be able to make any kind of plan to do that 
>i sit angry, satanent and pissed off and thats not a good place 
>for anyone to be.
>Any sugestions?
>Preston Peet <ptpeet at nyc.rr.com> wrote:
>>did you see "What the bleep do we know"?
>there are some interesting animations about addiction.
>go slowly but firmly, recover your hijacked brain chemistry.
>keep tapering benzos. I know nothing about bup.<
>Literallly just finished a book published by the Disinformation 
>(same folks putting out my books) called "Beyond the Bleep," by 
>Bruce, and it explains a lot of the theories proposed and 
>discussed in this 
>movie mentioned above. I haven't yet seen the film, but a three 
>hour version 
>is supposedly in the works for Theatrical release later this year, 

>and a 
>bigger DVD version for early 2006. It sounds like a film I do want 

>to see, 
>and yes, they do discuss, in some parts apparently, addictive 
>behavior, and 
>not just to drugs but to others things too, including even 
>Peace and love,
>"Madness is not enlightenment, but the search for enlightenment is 

>mistaken for madness"
>Richard Davenport-Hines
>ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
>Editor http://www.drugwar.com
>Editor "Under the Influence- the Disinformation Guide to Drugs"
>Editor "Underground- The Disinformation Guide to Ancient 
>Astonishing Archeology and Hidden History" (due out Sept. 2005)
>Cont. High Times mag/.com
>Cont. Editor http://www.disinfo.com
>Columnist New York Waste
>----- Original Message ----- 
>From: "Germán DC" 
>Sent: Thursday, August 11, 2005 9:36 AM
>Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] oxycontin withdrawl & Bupe
>> Ron,
>> are you tapering benzos?
>> you can do it slowly, but firmly little by little.
>> you can do it, you can.
>> Life is a hard task I agree, but we are here... must be a reason 

>> our
>> pain.
>> did you see "What the bleep do we know"?
>> there are some interesting animations about addiction.
>> go slowly but firmly, recover your hijacked brain chemistry.
>> keep tapering benzos. I know nothing about bup.
>> From your posts I realized that the worst (talking about legal 
>> thing,
>> the thing that has hurt me the most, were benzos which were 
>prescribed to 
>> me
>> at 16 y.o. my doctor said:
>> "is better for you to take 2mg Valium now, that have an stomach 
>ulcer at
>> 30." ,
>> he was a good man, and i´m sure he tried to "save me" from worst 

>things to
>> happen...
>> well I took 2mg a few times, inmediately started to see how much 

>mgs could 
>> I
>> take before my tongue refused to obey me. That was around 35mg. 
>At that 
>> time
>> I couldn´t run, I could do nothing physically demanding. Even in 

>my worst
>> moment of heavy (cocaine) addiction I wasn´t closer to that 
>state of "body
>> impediment", I mean you don´t feel the benzos but they are there 

>all the
>> time, disturbing functions.
>> I never, never, never ralate my physycal condition to valium.
>> It was mixed with some other moments of my life.
>> I remember I couldn´t do a 300 mts run, I never realized why... 
>> your
>> posts.
>> Thank you for that, one more piece of my "life puzzle" in place.
>> Expel the terrorist from your brain with diplomacy.
>> Violence is absolutely contraindicated.
>> No rages. Cryng is better.
>> When the mind takes control the heart starts to shut.
>> Be back to your heartbeat, again and again.
>> Slowly.
>> You can.
>> regards
>> gdc.
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Ron Davis" 
>> To: 
>> Sent: Thursday, August 11, 2005 1:17 AM
>> Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] oxycontin withdrawl & Bupe
>>> Howard:
>>> I was caught on the oxy train and did not want anything to do 
>with meth.
>>> bup wasn't approved for treating dependency but I found a 
>clinic that 
>>> sold
>>> it and rx'd it for "pain" management. It was sold as non 
>addicting or
>> light
>>> compared to other drugs. I read the lit in the packages and it 
>> w/ds
>>> were light. I was also introduced to benzos at the same time, 
>all new
>> stuff
>>> for me. I just knew I had to lose the oxys b.4it killed me. I 
>now know
>> bup
>>> is way bad, most providers won't touch you, my stint w/ IBO 
>damn near
>> killed
>>> me although Tommy, the provider was great. I d/n realize what a 

>number I
>>> had done on myself. I think I need 3 weeks to clear myself at 
>my age and
>>> only had 10 days b/c of work. I fear for my life and 
>>> Anything
>>> you can throw my way would greatly be appreciated, I.a. titrate 

>>> schedules,
>>> etc.I think I'm screwed and want to live again. Can't do IBO 
>b/c c/no get
>> a
>>> short acting opiate in the bible belt and job requirements. I 
>truly fear
>>> for my life. This body is beat. God help me and the others, 
>wish I could
>> go
>>> to Sara's as she has the handle on this poison. That's my story 

>. Life is
>> a
>>> chore, hope it sheds insight into your work and saves my arse. 
>I was
>>> desparate. Help if you can, advice, etc. I'm here by my own 
>>> probably
>>> die by it. Don't mean to be a downer for the list, just telling 

>a story
>> that
>>> may help others. Help is needed. rwd
>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>> From: 
>>> To: 
>>> Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2005 12:01 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [Ibogaine] oxycontin withdrawl & Bupe
>>> >
>>> > In a message dated 8/10/05 10:09:13 AM, rwd3 at cox.net writes:
>>> >
>>> > << After several yrs. of riding the bup train, IM, I have 
>found it to 
>>> > be
>> a
>>> > wolf in sheep's clothing. I loathe the day the Doc told me it 

>>> > addicting,
>>> > blah, blah...it has a vicious bite on withdrawal..short term 
>>> > late
>>> > by several years. It has kicked me arse many times..strickly 
>>> > reduction
>>> > to coin a phrase used by one of our learned members. ron >>
>>> >
>>> > Hi Ron,
>>> >
>>> > Language is important here. Any professional these days would 

>not use
>> the
>>> > term addicting as it has no scientific/academic/medical 
>>> > recognition. The
>>> > drug may not be addicting but, its use over time certainly 
>>> > dependence
>>> > and withdrawal you bet. I am going to look into this further 
>in the
>>> > methadone/buprenorphine side of my world.
>>> >
>>> > I wouldn't mind list comments on this subject.
>>> >
>>> > Best regards.
>>> >
>>> > Howard
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
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