[Ibogaine] Re: [Ibogaine Matt and the rooms

Matthew Shriver matt at itsupport.net
Sat Aug 6 23:09:02 EDT 2005

You sound like your experiences are very similar to mine.  I can see a lot
of similarities in what you shared and what I have gone through myself in
terms of the evolution of my spirituality.  I'm still an NA guy, pretty much
all the way, but I have recently come to see where my beliefs diverge
radically from the rest of the NA community, and that is around the very
drug this list is based on.  In NA all drugs are lumped together, fairly or
not.  I had always, and still do, consider hallucinogens to be undeserving
of being in the same category with alcohol, cocaine, and heroin.  But I also
have personal experience with taking acid addictively when nothing else was
readily available.  I mean who takes acid every day for a week?  And the
tolerance builds daily so I was eating like 20 hits by the last day.  But
even so I have always felt differently about those drugs.  And my feelings
around ibogaine are even more radical.  I consider it a powerful way to
increase, amplify, cleanse, (not sure what is the right term here) my
spirit.  In fact I consider its effects to be very spiritual in nature.  But
drugs are generally considered "artificial spirituality" in NA.  People have
actually told me that they believe that if I were to take ibogaine again now
that I am clean, some aspect of my addiction could take hold and I could
find myself getting loaded on crack or heroin again.  This is absurd to me,
but I can understand where they get the notion.  At any rate, one thing I
have learned about myself in recovery and from my experiences with drugs in
general is that I want to get underneath the surface reality of this
universe and get down with whatever is really going on.  I mean, if there is
a spiritual buzz to be had, I freaking want it.  I don't want to settle for
good enough when there is a deeper connection available.  And so that is
what I am about these days. Well that and rock climbing and mountain biking.




From: BiscuitBoy714 at aol.com [mailto:BiscuitBoy714 at aol.com] 
Sent: Friday, August 05, 2005 7:27 AM
To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
Subject: [Ibogaine] Re: [Ibogaine Matt and the rooms


Matt, I have twice now started E mails to you about the steps and
spirituality and been interrupted. I won't stop now until I'm done, barring
an earthquake or an aneurism or some asshole holding me up with a pellet
gun. HeHe  Anyway, I've been reading here, just not posting much, and I've
seen a lot of similarities between what you are saying and what I was saying
about this time last year. I was an AA/NA guy for about 10 years. I still go
but I'm not full tilt a program guy anymore. I know one thing, when I
started praying, (even when I didn't know how) things got easier for me to
accept. Good and bad. I didn't know what to call my higher power or
anything, I just started praying because I had no more alternitives. I tried
to do the program without having God in the equation and that didn't work. I
tried just praying without having the 12 step program along with it and that
didn't work either. When I finally did both together something clicked. I'm
not saying that all my shit went away, it was just a lot easier to deal
with. I struggled with what to call my higher power for a little while and
finally decided to call him/her God. I don't think that the name is all that
important, for me it was letting something other than my own will help me
through the tough times. I found some faith. Faith and acceptence are the
two most important things that I got from the whole thing. When I realized
that I wasn't responsible for the follies of the world and that God would
help me to at least be able to get through those tough times without having
to get so buttered that I nodded out dinner, I finally got a little happier.
That's all I want out of life anymore. I want to be happy, and I want to
help people. I'm getting that done now. I fuck up sometimes, hell who
doesn't? I just wanted to say that I'm with you dude. I know how you feel, I
think. You seem to be a little more introspective than I am, but we are a
lot alike. Your a little smarter than I am, but I know how it is to try and
figure out all these intangibles in life. I saw your comparison (I wish I
could find the spill chigger on this thing, 'cause I kan't spell rite) to
the rooms yesterday and it hit me right between the eye's. It was almost
exactly what I was saying right after I did my Ibogaine treatment. People
come and go but the old timers stay here and try and help. I see it all the
time. I don't know if I'm an old timer or what, but I know that I want to
help any way that I can. Your quest for spitituality show's me how deep you
are and how much you want to live life to the fullest. You ROCK dude. Post
more, your helping me out too.  Love and life to ya my friend.        Randy

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