[Ibogaine Matt and the rooms

BiscuitBoy714 at aol.com BiscuitBoy714 at aol.com
Fri Aug 5 09:27:11 EDT 2005

Matt, I have twice now started E mails to you about the steps and 
spirituality and been interrupted. I won't stop now until I'm done, barring an earthquake 
or an aneurism or some asshole holding me up with a pellet gun. HeHe  Anyway, 
I've been reading here, just not posting much, and I've seen a lot of 
similarities between what you are saying and what I was saying about this time last 
year. I was an AA/NA guy for about 10 years. I still go but I'm not full tilt a 
program guy anymore. I know one thing, when I started praying, (even when I 
didn't know how) things got easier for me to accept. Good and bad. I didn't 
know what to call my higher power or anything, I just started praying because I 
had no more alternitives. I tried to do the program without having God in the 
equation and that didn't work. I tried just praying without having the 12 step 
program along with it and that didn't work either. When I finally did both 
together something clicked. I'm not saying that all my shit went away, it was 
just a lot easier to deal with. I struggled with what to call my higher power for 
a little while and finally decided to call him/her God. I don't think that 
the name is all that important, for me it was letting something other than my 
own will help me through the tough times. I found some faith. Faith and 
acceptence are the two most important things that I got from the whole thing. When I 
realized that I wasn't responsible for the follies of the world and that God 
would help me to at least be able to get through those tough times without 
having to get so buttered that I nodded out dinner, I finally got a little happier. 
That's all I want out of life anymore. I want to be happy, and I want to help 
people. I'm getting that done now. I fuck up sometimes, hell who doesn't? I 
just wanted to say that I'm with you dude. I know how you feel, I think. You 
seem to be a little more introspective than I am, but we are a lot alike. Your a 
little smarter than I am, but I know how it is to try and figure out all 
these intangibles in life. I saw your comparison (I wish I could find the spill 
chigger on this thing, 'cause I kan't spell rite) to the rooms yesterday and it 
hit me right between the eye's. It was almost exactly what I was saying right 
after I did my Ibogaine treatment. People come and go but the old timers stay 
here and try and help. I see it all the time. I don't know if I'm an old timer 
or what, but I know that I want to help any way that I can. Your quest for 
spitituality show's me how deep you are and how much you want to live life to 
the fullest. You ROCK dude. Post more, your helping me out too.  Love and life 
to ya my friend.        Randy
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