[Ibogaine] Alcoholic Father Disappointed in Pot Head Son
tinkerbell.sarah at gmail.com
Wed Aug 3 11:40:37 EDT 2005
Thanks for the giggle, Preston!
On 8/2/05, Preston Peet <ptpeet at nyc.rr.com> wrote:
> Hi all,
> For those who don't know, The Onion is a spoof paper, inspired by such
> classic rags at The Realist and National Lampoon.
> Alcoholic Father Disappointed in Pot Head Son
> REEDSBURG, WI-Working-class father of four and veteran alcoholic James
> Schultz, 53, expressed deep disappointment Monday in his 19-year-old son
> Travis, for "turning into a goddamn pothead" after moving away from home to
> attend the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
> (illustration snipped)
> Above: Lifelong alcoholic James Schultz drowns his sorrows about his
> "worthless pothead son" Travis (inset).
> "After the hard work I put in at the screen-door factory all these years,
> this is how he rewards me?" Schultz said during a 1:30 a.m. statement held
> at Captain Pete's Bar and Grill. "That boy should be working for a living,
> like his old man, instead of smoking weed and doing God knows what with a
> bunch of liberal lowlifes."
> Schultz punctuated the impromptu speech by finishing off the last of his
> drink and ordering another from bartender and friend Al Zandek.
> Members of the family said Schultz and his son fought over Travis'
> illegal-drug use Sunday, after Schultz found a small bag of marijuana while
> rifling through the boy's pockets for beer money.
> The elder Schultz confronted his son at the dinner table that night.
> "He slurred his way through a half-coherent lecture on the dangers of
> addiction, shouting in my face about what a disappointment I was to the
> family," Travis said.
> Travis said Schultz continued his drunken anti-drug tirade well into the
> night, eventually lumbering out the door, presumably to go to Captain
> When asked to comment on the face-off, Schultz's wife Ellen said that, while
> it is true that her son has been bringing a lot of funny ideas home, she
> didn't think college was "turning him into a druggie."
> "So he tried pot-a lot of young kids these days do things they later
> regret," said Ellen, 51. "Everybody has regrets about decisions they made
> when they were young."
> Ellen defended her husband, as well.
> "James only gets like that because he loves Travis," she said. "He's a very
> sensitive man. A lot of people don't realize that. They only see the temper.
> It's certainly nothing to call social services about, like [neighbor] Dianne
> Klosterbaum did last year. It's just the way James is when he's letting off
> Safely amongst his drinking buddies at the bar, Schultz continued outlining
> his disappointment in Travis.
> "I wish he'd just sit down over some beers with me and talk this through,"
> Schultz said. "But there's no talking sense to a dope addict."
> According to drinking companion Doug Blaine, Schultz keeps his feelings to
> himself, except when he's "half in the bag."
> "He'd never let on, but he's got a lot of pressures on him, what with his
> second mortgage, his liver troubles, and his court date coming up," Blaine
> said. "He's real closed off, but sometimes, late at night around last call,
> he'll start to let you in a little. And it's clear that pothead kid of his
> is breaking his heart."
> "Why anybody would want to smoke pot is beyond me," Blaine added. "Doesn't
> that kid know that stuff is going to rot his brain?"
> At 3 a.m., Schultz used his last quarter to call home and wake up Ellen for
> a ride, explaining that he's already gotten picked up for two DUIs.
> "Who's going to drive my wife to work in the morning so we can pay some
> bills?" Schultz asked. "That stoner son of mine? I don't think so."
> Peace and love,
> Preston Peet
> "Madness is not enlightenment, but the search for enlightenment is often
> mistaken for madness"
> Richard Davenport-Hines
> ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
> Editor http://www.drugwar.com
> Editor "Under the Influence- the Disinformation Guide to Drugs"
> Editor "Underground- The Disinformation Guide to Ancient Civilizations,
> Astonishing Archeology and Hidden History" (due out Sept. 2005)
> Cont. High Times mag/.com
> Cont. Editor http://www.disinfo.com
> Columnist New York Waste
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