[ibogaine] First-timer

Nick Sandberg nicks22 at onetel.com
Sat Mar 27 13:46:23 EST 2004

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "jon" <jfreed1 at umbc.edu>
To: <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
Sent: Wednesday, March 24, 2004 7:56 PM
Subject: Re: [ibogaine] First-timer

> > What I also liked about ibogaine, as opposed to acid, is that there's
> > usually a happy ending. If you get torture, hey, it's feels great
> > afterwards! I mean, real elation. And then you know it, you know what it
> > looks like to go through that doorway. You get awareness. And awareness
> > always diminishes fear. Horror trips on ibo always pass and afterwards I
> > usually just feel my connection with everything and everybody.
> >
> Thanks very much Nick (and everyone else too) for relating your
> What you just said in that paragraph there makes me feel a lot better
> about the idea of doing iboga.
> While my experience ON acid was extremely horrific, it was really the
> AFTEReffects that were so problematic. The panic attacks, the fear of
> being insane, the fear that at any moment the world around me could
> crumble into hell. These persisted for years after my bad trips.
> I think I could deal with a grueling psychedelic experience if the fear
> and and mental anguish doesn't persist on and on after the trip. From what
> you've said, it sounds like this isn't likely to happen with iboga...

With fear I find personally that understanding can help a lot. When the mind
is overwhelmed you need to give it something. My experience with ibogaine is
that the drug is just a vast, cosmic reset button. It does this with
dependence traits, it does it with environmental and social conditioning,
and it does it with life itself. The drug always tries to drag me back to a
bornless state, pre physical existence. It's a pool of bliss, or so I'm
told, I don't get to experience it with iboga because before I hit that
space fully the fear comes in. To hit that pure primal space with iboga, my
feeling is that everything in the way needs to be got out of the way. So the
drug shows you what is in the way - in my case fear, the fear of letting go
totally without any need for identity, without knowing if I can come back. I
can go there now with under 5g of rootbark these days, on account of having
done such big doses in the past. About one hour in and my mind will just
take off into that space - God looking up at creation commencing, cracks of
light in the sky around my head, the realization that the word "I" is God,
then suddenly the fear, What if I don't come back? What if there's only me?

I'm developing a strategy to deal with it next time.


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