life after ibogaine

UUSEAN at aol.com UUSEAN at aol.com
Sat Aug 21 00:06:26 EDT 2004


Hey list,

Can't believe a week ago I was anticipating my ibogaine treatment the 
following morning.  Seems like a lot longer.  I have to say that ibo has given me a 
new lease on life, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone struggling 
with addiction.

The choice to seek ibogaine was in some ways uncharacteristic for me.  I have 
been of the "skeptic" school for many years now.  I really would have scoffed 
at the idea that anything which is used by an African tribe in an initiation 
ritual could do me any good. If it didn't come out of lab, it was certainly 
suspect at best.

Meanwhile my addiction spiraled out of control.  I was homeless, jobless and 
hopeless.  I finally relented and took my parents up an offer to come home and 
stay with them for a while why I paid bills and went back to my union job on 
the Jersey waterfront.

At home alone a lot, I spent more time on the Internet than ever before.  I 
would do odd searches like "compassion for addicts."  That led me to Cures Not 
Wars, where I read the Ibogaine book online.

Further research took me to Mindvox. and this list.  I had started work with 
an Internal Family Systems therapist.  This psychotherapeutic method tries to 
open you up to the various sub personalities which make up the big system: the 
self.

I got in touch with a part of me which I had long abandoned, the healer 
within me. I became more open.  I became determined to try ibo. I remember the last 
night I used heroin I told my fellow junkies that night about my decision.  
They were all for it me, but they were not that bad not, they said, so they 
were not interested. they also told me about a guy they know who had just been 
treated in NY who had a grand mal seizure.  He was an alcoholic. Nonetheless, 
this upped the fear factor a bit.

But follow the healer I did.  I cannot say that my session revealed to me why 
I used drug in the first place as some on the list have said.  My therapy 
session five days after ibogaine, however, was the most productive I ever had.  
During that session, the real reasons for my addiction became clearer.  I am 
convinced that without the ibo last weekend, this session would not have 
happened.

Right now I am enjoying the freedom of life without an active addiction.  I 
cannot say that at five days I no longer have no desire to get off on dope or 
crack.  The thoughts are there; or tat least the fear.  I don't feel 
invulnerable.

But I can say that for the first time in ten years I have a choice.  I'm not 
compelled by some inner demon to hit the streets and get off, regardless of 
the consequences.
I have insight into what drove that inner dopefiend; I even have some 
compassion for him.

Well, just wanted to get this out and up on the list.  I am so grateful to 
this list and especially the list member who stuck their neck out to help hook 
me with ibo.  And it's been really cool meeting this wild, smart, irreverent, 
creative, but most of all compassionate group of "junkies."  What can I say, 
"thanks?"

Pax,
Sean


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