life after ibogaine
UUSEAN at aol.com
UUSEAN at aol.com
Sat Aug 21 00:06:26 EDT 2004
Can't believe a week ago I was anticipating my ibogaine treatment the
following morning. Seems like a lot longer. I have to say that ibo has given me a
new lease on life, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone struggling
The choice to seek ibogaine was in some ways uncharacteristic for me. I have
been of the "skeptic" school for many years now. I really would have scoffed
at the idea that anything which is used by an African tribe in an initiation
ritual could do me any good. If it didn't come out of lab, it was certainly
suspect at best.
Meanwhile my addiction spiraled out of control. I was homeless, jobless and
hopeless. I finally relented and took my parents up an offer to come home and
stay with them for a while why I paid bills and went back to my union job on
the Jersey waterfront.
At home alone a lot, I spent more time on the Internet than ever before. I
would do odd searches like "compassion for addicts." That led me to Cures Not
Wars, where I read the Ibogaine book online.
Further research took me to Mindvox. and this list. I had started work with
an Internal Family Systems therapist. This psychotherapeutic method tries to
open you up to the various sub personalities which make up the big system: the
I got in touch with a part of me which I had long abandoned, the healer
within me. I became more open. I became determined to try ibo. I remember the last
night I used heroin I told my fellow junkies that night about my decision.
They were all for it me, but they were not that bad not, they said, so they
were not interested. they also told me about a guy they know who had just been
treated in NY who had a grand mal seizure. He was an alcoholic. Nonetheless,
this upped the fear factor a bit.
But follow the healer I did. I cannot say that my session revealed to me why
I used drug in the first place as some on the list have said. My therapy
session five days after ibogaine, however, was the most productive I ever had.
During that session, the real reasons for my addiction became clearer. I am
convinced that without the ibo last weekend, this session would not have
Right now I am enjoying the freedom of life without an active addiction. I
cannot say that at five days I no longer have no desire to get off on dope or
crack. The thoughts are there; or tat least the fear. I don't feel
But I can say that for the first time in ten years I have a choice. I'm not
compelled by some inner demon to hit the streets and get off, regardless of
I have insight into what drove that inner dopefiend; I even have some
compassion for him.
Well, just wanted to get this out and up on the list. I am so grateful to
this list and especially the list member who stuck their neck out to help hook
me with ibo. And it's been really cool meeting this wild, smart, irreverent,
creative, but most of all compassionate group of "junkies." What can I say,
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