[ibogaine] day 22

mcorcoran mcorcoran27 at yahoo.com
Wed Aug 18 08:12:55 EDT 2004

Day 22, I went out last night to east Hampton at the end of Long Island and went to the transcendental meditation thing but to be quite honest my stomach was bothering the hell out of me so it was hard to get into it. But after wards, I smoked a (little) pot and walked on the beach for an hour or so and swam a little and when I came off the beach I felt great. My friends from out this way came by and we went to a bar that some kid I grew up with just opened over the weekend, everyone drank, but I just simply didn't feel the need, I was enjoying the clarity too much. And anyone who knows me knows that when everyone is on there first beer I'm usually on my 3rd or 4th and I realized last night that comes from this place in me that says " hurry up and drink so that you can be as comfortable in your own skin as everyone else appears to be" but this was so different because for the first time that I can remember in years I am comfortable in my own skin and I don't want to fuck with it.
 Then the best part, I start running into all of these people who know how fucked up I was and every single one of them could not believe the difference. It felt so good because its been a long time since people told me how great I was looking.  I wasn't ready to go into the whole "I took Ibogaine and it saved my life speech" although a few know. I decided to go with the "I went to Mexico and it changed my life" instead. But there's this confidence I have now that I haven't had in a long time and I know that is from not having that terminally different thing where I felt I had to shoot dope to feel like I appeared normal. What a lie. 
Headin back to the city this morning. I'm so glad I took this time and didn't try and jump back into life so quickly. Its all still there waiting for me, even my way overdue rent, but I feel I've given myself some of the time I needed to heal. I've never been this broke in my life but its not important. I have to give up my apt. at the end of this month and even thats not important. I just feel my options are limitless now instead of that horrible feeling I felt all the time like I was backed into a corner and things were never going to change. .
Enough out of me. Good luck to all this weekend you'll be in my thoughts. -m.

I'm still using Sean, but in extremely small quantities. I've not really had
too many cravings per se.
Peace and love,

----- Original Message ----- 
From: UUSEAN at aol.com
To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
Sent: Tuesday, August 17, 2004 11:33 PM
Subject: Re: [ibogaine] day three!

Hey Preston,

May the dragons continue to guide you:) Glad the DJ is going strong. Look
forward to checking you out some nite soon! Seems like your doing aright.
Was wondering how the urge/craving whatever the hell you want to call it
situation has been. You were dosed about 10 days ago?


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