[ibogaine] day three!

mcorcoran mcorcoran27 at yahoo.com
Tue Aug 17 13:11:36 EDT 2004


Ur such a fuckin downer Randy. Just kidding. Realist is more like it. For me, I think that 21 days out and finally allowing my body to catch up to my mind all I find that I want to do is let my body get as healthy as I feel my mind is becoming. The sun... my God, what a powerful healer. I feel like I walked in the shadows for 10 years and to just be outside makes all the difference in the world.  Ran 5 miles this morning which I thought might kill me at the time but got those endorphins cooking the only fashion way and right now I feel great. Although I smoked a cigarette right after and almost yakked. Buying the patch tonight.  And after my little bug and losing what now has leveled out at 15 lbs. (meth fat in my opinion) but not eating might helped that one along as well. What was I saying??? Oh yeah, so  I have a gym in my moms building with a pool and I'm spending the rest of this week allowing myself get into a routine that is healthy instead of one that is destructive.  I'm
 going out to East Hampton tonight for some transcendental meditation on the beach... something you'd never in a million years find me at (Hampton hotties or not) and I'm meeting with a specialist in NYC that is putting a group together strictly for ibogaine people. So slowly but surely I'm allowing all of the pieces to fall into place without that same feeling of wanting to be fixed immediately.  I actually was in a (dope in my face) situation almost immediately after getting to L.A. and it scared me a little but I wouldn't do anything to tamper with the feeling I had then or the one I have  have right now. So to me, living in a healthy manner mind, body, and soul is the key to "relapse prevention" for me anyway or at least until I feel like I have to do more. Although I can't imagine doing anything more than I am right now except a little less pot and I havent smoked in 24 hours and I'm fine. God it helped in the begining though!
 One thing is for sure, and I'll end with this because I have to get out of here, 10 years of rehabs and NA did nothing for me. I was still my miserable self. Not to mention spending the rest of my life in church basements didn't seem like sobriety to me it seemed like hiding. I am however open to any and all sugestions.  Call me later. -M.


Hello to all the recent iboganauts,

Question: What are you guys doing to prepare for relapse prevention?

At some point, sometime, you will have an urge to use or be in a place where 
junk is practically being handed to you. What will you do when that day 
comes?

~Randy Hencken

P.S. I recommend http://www.smartrecovery.org

Dig into it http://smartrecovery.org/toolchest.htm



>From: mcorcoran 
>Reply-To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
>To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
>Subject: Re: [ibogaine] day three!
>Date: Tue, 17 Aug 2004 05:22:21 -0700 (PDT)
>
>GREAT NEWS! You've been in my thoughts since Sunday night. Be in touch 
>anytime. I'
>I'll have my laptop back tonight or tomorrow and will get into my nitty 
>gritty.
> Me, I'm 21 days clean today and it feels great. A little jealous of your 
>good night sleep because since my 3rd day in I haven't had one of those 
>sleeps and making my bed in the morning is just about the last thing on my 
>mind. especially since everything is on the floor as I wake up every two 
>hours and toss and turn. BUT, its not that terrified nasty toss and turn a 
>lot of us know very well. There is still that peace no matter what. I think 
>I described it to Preston as feeling as if something is with me now. I 
>can't stop being grateful no matter how annoying or even uncomfortable its 
>been at times. There is still this feeling of knowing I'm out the other 
>side.
>So although my sleeping pattern has been less that ideal, my days have been 
>amazing. Spent my first week running around California and had a blast and 
>since as I said there wasn't much sleep goin on I was able to use that to 
>my advantage.. On a side note, having sex after ibogaine is incredible. 
>talk about "re-set" but I'll go into that later. I dreaded coming back to 
>NYC but because of a case of gastritis I cut my trip short by one day.As 
>the plane landed I thought " its all waiting for you out there" but when I 
>got back it was like I was seeing home though different eyes. Almost as if 
>I was making peace with this city I've had so much hurt and loss in. God, 
>its amazing the insight and clarity I still feel.
> heading out to go running now. How funny is that? but I now have this 
>determination or this drive to keep on keepin on, and I know that one of 
>those things is to get those endorphins going naturally. I guess I'm just 
>ready to be healthy or maybe capable is the better word to use cuz I've 
>been willing for some time now but simply couldn't find a way out.
>-m.
>
>
>
>
>Hey list,
>
>What a journey! I got a good night's sleep last night....it was really 
>nice after being up for 30 hours. Woke up refreshed and feeling damn good. 
> Made my bed for the first time in years in fact. I used to just leave it 
>until it was time to change the sheets.
>
>I felt an inner peace, a calm which I have not felt in so long that I 
>forgot what it was like. There is no desire to get high, and I think that 
>it really such a part of it. The attachment is gone..the gnawing incessant 
>attachment to coke and dope.
>
>I took seriously the advice of my providers and took a week off form work 
>to process, gain my strength and ease back into the world. I am still 
>amazed how my visual perception seems so different. It's like the world 
>has come alive for me. My mind is quieter. There is peace.
>
>This evening I had a cup a tea with a friend and talked about my 
>experience. She got clean in NA, but is open-minded to whatever works for 
>helping addicts. She was fascinated. We agreed that I would really need 
>to follow through with my aftercare plan of therapy and a support group.
>
>Tonight I have been reading a book on healing based on tribal rites. Wonder 
>why?
>I so much more open to healing now.
>
>All in all, I am what I used to refer to as mellow. It has been a long 
>time since I have been here. It feels like I have come home.
>
>Pax,
>Sean
>
>
>
>---------------------------------
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>Yahoo! Mail - 50x more storage than other providers!

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