[ibogaine] day three!

UUSEAN at aol.com UUSEAN at aol.com
Tue Aug 17 08:46:38 EDT 2004


Hey Marc,

Good to have you back.  And that sex reset is really good to hear about.:) 
After I posted last night I had a moment where I thought of using.  It was quite 
a wake up for me.  I allowed myself to go back for a moment to that dark 
horrible place of addiction that ibogaine brought me to, and the moment passed 
fast.

I guess I feel ready to post this now.  The incident that the ibo really had 
me stare at was when I shared a needle with a using acquaintance last winter. 
I didn't tell him I was HIV.  I just wanted to get off that bad. It is the 
only time I shared a needle. I got HepC from him, and I guess there is a good 
chance he got HIV from me.

To think that I passed on this horrible virus to another after the hell and 
pain I suffered with tortures me.  When I explained to my friend Sharon last 
night that ibo took me to the pits of my own personal hell for a while she said 
"that sounds really horrible. Told her that I thought consciousness protects 
us form such pain because it likes to protect us from pain, but sitting in deep 
personal emotional regret and remorse seemed like what I needed to really 
want to put down the dope.

I never want to put another at risk like that again.  I never want to be in a 
place where my getting off is so important that I completely don't give a 
shit about another. I want to do no harm.

Well, I guess I am off to day four.  As for the sleep thing I have wondered 
if not having being physically addicted at the time of treatment made a 
difference in that area. Maybe.

Anyway, good to have you back on the east coast bro. Hope we can plan that NY 
face to face debrief soon.  

Have a nice day y'all.

Sean
 
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