[ibogaine] day three!
UUSEAN at aol.com
UUSEAN at aol.com
Tue Aug 17 08:46:38 EDT 2004
Good to have you back. And that sex reset is really good to hear about.:)
After I posted last night I had a moment where I thought of using. It was quite
a wake up for me. I allowed myself to go back for a moment to that dark
horrible place of addiction that ibogaine brought me to, and the moment passed
I guess I feel ready to post this now. The incident that the ibo really had
me stare at was when I shared a needle with a using acquaintance last winter.
I didn't tell him I was HIV. I just wanted to get off that bad. It is the
only time I shared a needle. I got HepC from him, and I guess there is a good
chance he got HIV from me.
To think that I passed on this horrible virus to another after the hell and
pain I suffered with tortures me. When I explained to my friend Sharon last
night that ibo took me to the pits of my own personal hell for a while she said
"that sounds really horrible. Told her that I thought consciousness protects
us form such pain because it likes to protect us from pain, but sitting in deep
personal emotional regret and remorse seemed like what I needed to really
want to put down the dope.
I never want to put another at risk like that again. I never want to be in a
place where my getting off is so important that I completely don't give a
shit about another. I want to do no harm.
Well, I guess I am off to day four. As for the sleep thing I have wondered
if not having being physically addicted at the time of treatment made a
difference in that area. Maybe.
Anyway, good to have you back on the east coast bro. Hope we can plan that NY
face to face debrief soon.
Have a nice day y'all.
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