[ibogaine] day three!
paradisepaint at callsouth.net.nz
Tue Aug 17 08:37:38 EDT 2004
I feel very envious but pleased for success. I've been clean for a yr and a
half now, and not had methadone for a good year but am still fighting the
fight. Most days are OK but then it feels like boredom sets in and I miss
the high days. I know everyone says to try filling your time but its like I
get bored very easily and when the challenge wears off its like what will I
do next. Perhaps its an attitude or personality thing. Anybody else feel
like that.? I have been following the Ibo for ages and it sounds so good
but I'm so scared of by the scary mind picture thing. I love opiates but am
shit scared of mushrooms, acid etc. Does not re-act well with my brain, I
just get paranoid and freak out. I don't even like smoking dope so how
does that fit in. Allison
From: ibogaine at mindvox.com
Date: Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:26:57 a.m.
To: ibogaine at mindvox.com
Subject: Re: [ibogaine] day three!
GREAT NEWS! You've been in my thoughts since Sunday night. Be in touch
I'll have my laptop back tonight or tomorrow and will get into my nitty
Me, I'm 21 days clean today and it feels great. A little jealous of your
good night sleep because since my 3rd day in I haven't had one of those
sleeps and making my bed in the morning is just about the last thing on my
mind. especially since everything is on the floor as I wake up every two
hours and toss and turn. BUT, its not that terrified nasty toss and turn a
lot of us know very well. There is still that peace no matter what. I think
I described it to Preston as feeling as if something is with me now. I can't
stop being grateful no matter how annoying or even uncomfortable its been at
times. There is still this feeling of knowing I'm out the other side.
So although my sleeping pattern has been less that ideal, my days have been
amazing. Spent my first week running around California and had a blast and
since as I said there wasn't much sleep goin on I was able to use that to my
advantage.. On a side note, having sex after ibogaine is incredible. talk
about "re-set" but I'll go into that later. I dreaded coming back to NYC but
because of a case of gastritis I cut my trip short by one day.As the plane
landed I thought " its all waiting for you out there" but when I got back
it was like I was seeing home though different eyes. Almost as if I was
making peace with this city I've had so much hurt and loss in. God, its
amazing the insight and clarity I still feel.
heading out to go running now. How funny is that? but I now have this
determination or this drive to keep on keepin on, and I know that one of
those things is to get those endorphins going naturally. I guess I'm just
ready to be healthy or maybe capable is the better word to use cuz I've been
willing for some time now but simply couldn't find a way out.
What a journey! I got a good night's sleep last night....it was really nice
after being up for 30 hours. Woke up refreshed and feeling damn good. Made
my bed for the first time in years in fact. I used to just leave it until
it was time to change the sheets.
I felt an inner peace, a calm which I have not felt in so long that I forgot
what it was like. There is no desire to get high, and I think that it
really such a part of it. The attachment is gone..the gnawing incessant
attachment to coke and dope.
I took seriously the advice of my providers and took a week off form work to
process, gain my strength and ease back into the world. I am still amazed
how my visual perception seems so different. It's like the world has come
alive for me. My mind is quieter. There is peace.
This evening I had a cup a tea with a friend and talked about my experience.
She got clean in NA, but is open-minded to whatever works for helping
addicts. She was fascinated. We agreed that I would really need to follow
through with my aftercare plan of therapy and a support group.
Tonight I have been reading a book on healing based on tribal rites. Wonder
I so much more open to healing now.
All in all, I am what I used to refer to as mellow. It has been a long time
since I have been here. It feels like I have come home.
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - 50x more storage than other providers!
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