UUSEAN at aol.com
UUSEAN at aol.com
Sun Aug 15 14:30:18 EDT 2004
I am still not 48 hours after treatment. I took my tester at 9:00am
The first visual I remember was a bear poised to attack me, but I laughed at
and it disappeared...By 9:45 I was beginning the full dose. The closed eye
hallucinations got really wild..lots of women's faces with different retro
looks..fifties, sixties hairstyles. I saw vast vistas, valleys, mists. birds..alot
Eventually is was so deeply under that I was able to just really let go..And
let me tell you by 2:30 I was in the deepest darkest recesses of my mind. I'm
not sure if I'm ready to post some of this content, maybe after my therapy
session on Thursday. But anyway I just was in this place of sitting and looking
at myself at my worst...The experience that I regret the most while using
heroin just kept playing and feeling..with a deep feeling of self disgust and
regret. I was vaguely ware of that if I moved an inch, I would throw up...all I
could do was sit in it. In the dark reassesses of my being.
I know this sounds weird, because I really could not believe it happened
heard my own voice very loudly and clearly saying...I am not using drugs
anymore....I went in and out the dark place for hours after...
By 11:00pm I was laying on my side..after spending all day on my back. I got
up to use the bathroom..then got back into bed thinking "I'm not so high
I turned over fast in bed...and I though ''oh shit..mistake..and really
violently vomited. It was a really horrific vomit....my stomach seemed determined
to puke up any residual ibo..and boy did it. I tasted the root itself I think
in the vomit..it don't taste good I tell you.
After thowing up..my head cleared quite a bit for alittle while. I laid in
bed..dozing in and out of sleep.
I really am so grateful to my parents who were my sitters for the session.
They really struck a good balance of checking in and giving me space.
Woke got up today..ate a friutcup..looked out the iwndow..reflected...Will
post agin soon.
Thanks for listening to all this..
PS I have no tracers today..color however seems much sharper. ..Green is
really really green....etc...more vibrant,,,I think I will eat some cantaloupe
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