early report

UUSEAN at aol.com UUSEAN at aol.com
Sun Aug 15 14:30:18 EDT 2004



Hello all,

I am still not 48 hours after treatment.  I took my tester at 9:00am 
yesterday...
The first visual I remember was a bear poised to attack me, but I laughed at 
and it disappeared...By 9:45 I was beginning the full dose.  The closed eye 
hallucinations got really wild..lots of women's faces with different retro 
looks..fifties, sixties hairstyles.  I saw vast vistas, valleys, mists. birds..alot 
of birds.  

Eventually is was so deeply under that I was able to just really let go..And 
let me tell you by 2:30 I was in the deepest darkest recesses of my mind.  I'm 
not sure if I'm ready to post some of this content, maybe after my therapy 
session on Thursday. But anyway I just was in this place of sitting and looking 
at myself at my worst...The experience that I regret the most while using 
heroin just kept playing and feeling..with a deep feeling of self disgust and 
regret.  I was vaguely ware of that if I moved an inch, I would throw up...all I 
could do was sit in it.  In the dark reassesses of my being.

I know this sounds weird, because I really could not believe it happened 
heard my own voice very loudly and clearly saying...I am not using drugs 
anymore....I went in and out the dark place for hours after...

By 11:00pm I was laying on my side..after spending all day on my back.  I got 
up to use the bathroom..then got back into bed thinking "I'm not so high 
anymore." Wrong!
I turned over fast in bed...and I though ''oh shit..mistake..and really 
violently vomited. It was a really horrific vomit....my stomach seemed determined 
to puke up any residual ibo..and boy did it.  I tasted the root itself I think 
in the vomit..it don't taste good I tell you.  

After thowing up..my head cleared quite a bit for alittle while.  I laid in 
bed..dozing in and out of sleep.

I really am so grateful to my parents who were my sitters for the session.  
They really struck a good balance of checking in and giving me space.

Woke got up today..ate a friutcup..looked out the iwndow..reflected...Will 
post agin soon.

Thanks for listening to all this..

Pax,
Sean

PS I have no tracers today..color however seems much sharper. ..Green is 
really really green....etc...more vibrant,,,I think I will eat some cantaloupe 
bye.
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