ibogaine and pain and second sessions
ptpeet at nyc.rr.com
Sun Aug 15 00:40:44 EDT 2004
Hi all, I'm going to be sounding out some stuff here that is preoccupying my
mind and giving me some level of stress, so please bear with me.
So, as noted earlier I've noticed real changes in how I'm dealing with
pain post ibo.
At first, I got really wacked, being locked into the bed basically in
agony. But as noted, once able to actually get and take something for the
pain, it was an incredible relief and easy to stick to just prescribed
Then I took a booster most recently, which seemed to further allow me to
examine what is going on with my pain, and how I react to it when it becomes
severe. But the booster wasn't enough I felt. I "felt" it, but My reasons
for taking the ibogaine really do not have a lot to do with tripping and
feeling high- it's to lie down quietly and examine things- which was not the
case exactly with the booster-it was helpful in realigning me a bit, but
again, it wasn't enough. It didn't do exactly what I'd been hoping.
I have been planning very seriously and with a very clear head, as again
noted earlier, on doing another treatment very soon, in a legal place this
time so as to be sure everything is kosher and stress free.
Partly I would like to go again for psycho-spiritual reasons, but there
is a lot more to this than simply "going again."
I turn 38 on Sept 11.
I pick up the final installment of my book advance next week, which I'm
planning on using to facilitate the treatment- money which I will not have
in the future, and money that is coming from something very special, hence
my decision to spend it all on another treatment.
I feel like there are things that I began to deal with first time
around, but wasn't able to completely focus on or even totally remember due
to being completely shattered first time round. By going again, right away,
I feel as though I would be more able to focus on my integrating and further
learn and examine, and MAKE DECISIONS about my pain issues.
See, I want to go again BEFORE I SEE MY PAIN DOC, an appointment which
is scheduled for a little under 2 weeks, because when I do see him, I will
be picking up dilaudids along with more ms-contins- or not, as the case may
be. I DO NOT KNOW YET. I'm a bit worried about this. See, At the moment, 2
ms-contins a day are working, but I'm still having to crush them to get the
relief right away because otherwise the trickle of relief time-release
morphine gives doesn't hit the pain very well at all, even now after a
session of ibogaine. It works great crushed, but eating them whole, well,
But what if I don't NEED dilaudid after all? What if I could actually
stick to just what I have now, and use only those, or simply cut my dilaudid
dose down from the 12-a-day it has been at for over a year to 2 or 3 a day?
Because while the ms-contins are strictly for pain management, in my case,
dilaudids are the candy, the treat, the shit I can melt and suck up into a
syringe and stick straight in my vein besides simply being great for
breakthrough pain. I like to get high on them too, very very much. I don't
want to go that route again- and want to do another session BEFORE I SEE THE
PAIN DOCTOR to try and cement that feeling, that desire, that decision.
Because I LOVE shooting dilaudids- hell, I love shooting up period.
Because, the way I'm looking at this is, if from one time around I'm
getting the reactions inside that I am, how much better, or at least, how
much MORE concrete strength will I be able to take from a second session? I
think I will get a lot of good, and nothing bad, from doing this. I honestly
feel that it will be nothing but beneficial to me to do this, even though at
first I stated how I was unable to see how anyone could want to do this
It must seem like I'm making a rush decision, but I've been thinking
very hard about this, and know what I want, and that is to go under/through
again, and do some self-examinations for real, in a darkened space without
the distractions of NYC streets and such. I want to use it for real medical
and some spiritual reasons too, and besides the pain issues, I'm plenty
healthy enough to do so. I don't want to wait- I have the time, the
opportunity, the money, the desire, and so, well, the time is simply right.
I don't know how it is for others, especially pain patients, but I DO
know for a fact that we are not all made to fit the same mold. For some,
waiting a year between a first and second session, or even just a few
months, might be a great idea and just dandy, but knowing myself as I do,
knowing how I feel both mentally and physically, I don't want to wait even 3
months. So, if things work out I'll be out of the country in 9 days, and
will be able to come back and face my pain doctor with a head and heart full
of ibogaine and really get this straight in my own head.
BTW, I thought I might be seeing trails still this evening, but that
seems to have stopped now.
So, I guess I'm venting here a little bit, because I'm a little worried
things might not work out. Please all, keep your fingers crossed that things
work out as I'd like them to. (Gosh, guess we all want that for ourselves
huh.) V feels it is a good idea, and is totally supportive of my doing this
again-particularly before going to see my doctor again- which is going to be
necessary as I'll be just about running out of meds by that already
scheduled appointment. A few others I have spoken with also feel that my
doing this is a good idea- or at least not a bad idea, that I of all I know,
know myself. Then there are a few others who seem to feel that waiting is a
good idea. Maybe for some people that's the case, but, well I'm starting to
I'll read whatever feedback comes through, and hope for the best.
Peace and love to you all,
More information about the Ibogaine