[ibogaine] question

shelley krupa skrupa20022002 at yahoo.com
Sun Aug 8 11:25:56 EDT 2004

Sandy,thank you for your reply.Youve contributed to my day today.Harm reduction works.Keep at it,fondly shell

booker w <swbooker at hotmail.com> wrote:
Hi Shelley.  I really empathize with your question as it's very similar to mine.  Man, I feel like I've tried EVERYTHING to stay clean too, but I can't ever seem to make it stick for more than a few years at a time.  I really envy and admire anyone who does.  I've taken ibo three times and I totally relate to what you talk about with the closeness of the "other world" and how beautiful everything and everyone looks.  When I'm in that space drugs have NO appeal whatsoever.  Coffee even looked icky and quitting cigarettes was the easiest part for me...  

I love what ibogaine has to give but it still seems like every other approach to addiction - for some folks it sticks and others it doesn't.  I'm just one of the others.  I hate to write here sometimes in fear of dashing hopes by admitting that I'm not clean, but everyone has to roll the dice for themselves.  No doubt ibo does something different that nothing else does (in my opinion,) but it still ain't a hundred percent...

I feel sort of frustrated myself 'cause I feel like I did everything right too.  I've done YEARS of therapy - am very active physically, volunteer a lot, eat very well, keep my responsibilities clean, spent three years in 12 step stuff and did EVERYTHING I was supposed to there too - and yada yada.  I sometimes think that the folks who've lost more due to their addiction maybe can hang on to sobriety better because it took them down so low.  Maybe that's a generalization and I apologize to anyone if that sounds like a dis - I don't mean it to be.  It's just that I never lost a job, never had a brush really with the law, no one even knows when I'm high, and this last relapse I've kept the dose so low that even I am amazed.  Doesn't mean things won't get out of hand eventually, but I credit ibo with at least allowing me "harm reduction" with my own habit. 

Some folks here talk about how opiates relieve depression and I know some folks find that just doing methadone the rest of their life still allows their life to be much better than when "runnin' and gunnin'.  I don't care for the attitude that folks still using have nothing to offer - I think that idea might likely bite you in the ass eventually, but I empathize with it all.  What humans understand about addiction I think amounts to what the cave folks understood about electricity.  I don't think we really have a clue yet what it really stems from or why ibogaine seems to hit the reset button for some but not all.  Some folks walk into 12 step meetings and get that too right off, but what is the difference between the one who get's it and the one who doesn't?  I have an idea in my head alot that I may be "paying back" for judging "weak" people too harshly in the past, - like having to be fat for being a creep to fat people at one time.  That's the only answer I have for myself right

Shelley, I hope you find a way to hang on.  I do believe that if you keep trying you finally get it. I used to play a sport professionally and the people who kept getting up over and over no matter how many times they got beat on - their games improved constantly and consistently.  I just give up for periods of time, and then seem to energize to fight again.  I do believe one thing - growth is most often slow and arduous - but most of us would love to grow a lot faster (I would anyway.)

BEst to all...  Sandy

>From: shelley krupa <skrupa20022002 at yahoo.com> 
>Reply-To: ibogaine at mindvox.com 
>To: ibogaine at mindvox.com 
>Subject: Re: [ibogaine] question 
>Date: Sat, 7 Aug 2004 22:10:30 -0700 (PDT) 
>Hey all,I want to put something out there--I talk in a few forums about how awesome ibogaine is,and I get feedback like,well the jurys still out whether youll stay sober,wait till the cravings come back(!)I have relapsed twice after my first iboga experience.I really dont think it was cravings coming back,more like my issues with boredom,lonliness, ,lack of direction & getting sucked back into old patterns from lack of consistant action in new directions.I love reading about accounts of people doing ibogaine & NEVER going back to that lifestyle & suffering.However that hasnt been the case for me.however,my relapses have been very brief,my habit less than before & I never give up,I want to stay clean so much.Im at the point now when the ibogaine ,well the noribogaine is wearing off,the antidepressant effects are dwindling,a more challenging time for me.I have no cravings ,but have more mood stuff.I miss the other world being as near as it was.Its not like Im ignorant that its right 
>  here for the taking,i meditate ,do yoga,intense exercise,acupuncture,etc,I just miss the freebie in freshly post trip phase,that incredible gift iboga offers.Cant very well keep doin ibogaine every time it wears off.Im wondering if any one else can relate to what Im saying.Sure theres 12 step,smart ,different paths of healing to follow(done psychotherapy for years too,lived in ashram,had guru,et all)Any feedback?-shell 
>HSLotsof at aol.com wrote:The Bwiti be with you and protect you and love you. The rest of us will 
>follow. This is the chapel. We await the telling of your adventure. 
>In a message dated 8/7/04 10:21:57 PM, ptpeet at nyc.rr.com writes: 
> >Very live day Howard, but a quiet list it appears. 
> > 
> > I met up with Marc C. today. Wow, he looks and sounds great! 
> >I hope I look and sound (and obviously feel) as good as he seems to when 
> >I get done...very, very, very soonly now. 
> > 
> > Like, I'm going to be off list for a day or three (or maybe a little 
> >more, not sure how this will work out yet) I think. But I'll be back 
> >a'postin' away, describing things and such...I plan on anyway. Who knows, 
> >perhaps I pull a Rick and move to the desert of beautiful Arizona or 
> >something. 
> > 
> > Which I personally have admired very much ever since reading you've 
> >done that Rick. 
> > 
> > Anyway, sorry to be oblique, but you understand...I hope. It being 
> >an ibogaine list and all. 
> > 
> > Have a great few days all. 
> > 
> >Peace, 
> >Preston 
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