Attachment...was Re: [ibogaine] Junkies are sicker than normal
scrakalak at yahoo.com
Tue Sep 9 20:21:54 EDT 2003
Maybe I should clarify...lol...I do not believe I am overcompensating by created a dependent monster!! ;-) She does almost everything for herself. Dresses, cleans up, pottying, bathing (with help) feeds herself, pours her own drinks, helps clean, etc. Of course, I still have to assist with some things, but she's doing great!! :-)
She's actually not clingy or needy, just loves and needs her Mommy a lot right now, which is completely normal at this age. Up until age 2, I believe the primary goal is attachment. Children will naturally pull away at around 2 years (that's their job) if we let them!! :-) Strong bonds and loving and trust are what my little girl needs right now. I don't think being sensitive to these needs is over doing it.
She's also close with her Daddy and sister's and brothers, etc. She will stay with them with no problem if necessary. Because we nursed from birth it was much easier to nurse in bed for the 2nd half of the night. So, some might feel it's a bad habit that she sleeps with us at almost 2 for the second half of the night, but we feel it's what she must need and it's all she knows, so yes, it's a habit for now.
I've always felt very strongly about crying it out, (now I know why) so we've not done this with her. We have tried some gentle ways to teach her to sleep all night on her own, but she's not there yet. So, for now, we're ok with it. My husband and I have our time alone and she gets some practice sleeping by herself. I don't think when she is a teen she'll still want to sleep with us, so I'm SURE she'll outgrow it when the need is no longer there.
She's helpful, loving, well adjusted, secure and very full of indepedence, this is one little girl with a mind of her own. I try to follow her lead, while setting limits when appropriate or necessary. Meeting her needs is not the same as letting her run the show or walk all over me, in my opinion.
And if I'm wrong in my parenting?? Well, 20-30 years from now she'll blame me for it, I suppose, lol, but for now my instincts tell me this is best we can do for her.
I will read the Ibogaine experience link you sent. I really hope I can find out enough that will make me comfortable to go through with this experience myself, because I believe I would benefit greatly from it.
Thanks again for reading and for your input!! If I got a little long winded, I apoligize. Sometimes I am on the defensive since my mother seems to think I should have plunked my spoiled baby in the crib 20 mo. ago and trained her to sleep. I guess I get a little worked up! lol
Bill Ross <ross at cgl.ucsf.edu> wrote:
There is a risk that you could be inadvertantly training her
by example to not take care of herself.
> My Mom was always and still is big on letting a baby Cry-it-Out
> or sleep training. ...
This could be it, on top of the long labor.
> ... obviously my mother didn't mean to harm me and it's too late
> to go back and change things now. How can I know if this is why
> I've always felt alone, needy and insecure? And what can I do to
> make it go away? How can I help myself heal my addictions with
> this knowledge? I don't know...
One approach would be to see how it sits with you over time. Therapy
and/or meditation could be useful, I suspect.
Here's a paper on ibo in therapy, where as I remember some memories
of parents are brought up:
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