[ibogaine] Pain, ibogaine, drugs, recovery and little old me.

crownofthorns at hushmail.com crownofthorns at hushmail.com
Thu Jun 12 20:06:09 EDT 2003

Brett, I hope you are doing ok. You do sound miserable and pissed off.
I understand that I'd be too.

If I ever need meds for any reason I never go to any addiction docs,
always a regular doc and I never mention the word addiction. I want a
script not a lecture while some guy explains everything he doesn't know
about addiction.

I haven't faced any of those problems in about 2 years now, so it's more
of a bad memory then anything else. I do hope you do ok bro.

Peace out,

On Wed, 11 Jun 2003 04:24:21 -0700 Allison Senepart <aa.senepart at xtra.co.nz>
>You sound so miserable and pissed off.  I hope what you are doing
>will work
>and things will get better.  What are you taking pain medication
>for???  or
>you can tell me to mind my own business.  Whatever best of luck.
>PS  I found most doctors etc. don't like you knowing too much. 
>Sort of
>stuffs up their whole self image or whatever.   Allison
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Brett Calabrese" <bcalabrese at yahoo.com>
>To: <ibogaine at ibogaine.org>; <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
>Sent: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 8:42 AM
>Subject: [ibogaine] Pain, ibogaine, drugs, recovery and little old
>> For informational purposes.
>> I have started opioid treatment for pain, starting on
>> with Morphine, 90mg sustained release once a day. In
>> the interest of ibogaine I share this experience,
>> otherwise I would rather not. Normally I am a pretty
>> tough nut (ok, you knew the nut part... ha ha) with
>> pain and medication but this has broken me, literally.
>> I have not, do not intend to, have no desire (...) to
>> "use" though in the middle of a severe attack various
>> ways of turning it off do cross my mind. My Internist
>> has been fired, he was trying to treat a depressed
>> addict, not a pain patient - this can prove dangerous
>> to the pain patient/ex-addict. I have not abused pain
>> meds in 17 years and in the last 3 have been using
>> hydrocodone, codeine, oxycodone in very small amounts
>> (30, 60 and just a few a year, respectively).
>> Basically I would take a pill when I can't stand it,
>> after a few days of meds, no matter what I would stop
>> for a few days. I do know all the tricks about "how to
>> live with it", have had numerous alternative (to
>> opiates) treatments, none of which really work, many
>> of which have horrible side effects (I get side
>> effects to everything). Which brings me here.
>> I started  4 days ago on 90 Avinza (morphine) because
>> the VA might pick up the medication, they will not do
>> an oxycodone based product. These new time released
>> opiates are very expensive so I will ask the Doc about
>> methadone (dirt cheap, 20 bucks for 100 10mg pills vs
>> 2-300 a month of a time-release opioid). What a turn,
>> all those years playing with drugs and never got
>> addicted to heroin or methadone and now I might get
>> that experience. Now to convince the doc that I
>> actually enjoy a good opiate withdrawal now and then
>> without raising any eyebrows.
>> Trying to get help is a bitch out there. Try to ask a
>> pharmacist about meds and mention schedule II drugs
>> and it is like their faces go blank. They KNOW BIG
>> BROTHER IS WATCHING and no they cannot discuss
>> anything with me till I come back with a prescription
>> when I was trying to get drug/price information to go
>> discuss different treatment options WITH MY DOCTOR.
>> The pharmacists didn't want to hear it and what info I
>> got was untrue (ie methadone is not used for pain). I
>> even went to some AA meetings, thought, you know, it
>> would be a good idea, I am starting narcotics... bad
>> move. That is all I need, those idiots trying to sew
>> doubt of the need or outcome of this.
>> So this should be an interesting ibogaine experiment.
>> I don't think I would have any "problems" with the
>> opiates, pain is pain, pain meds are just that (to
>> me). Even looking back on the last 3 years it amazes
>> even me how good I have been with pain meds, and of
>> course no drinking, quit smoking a year ago and no
>> drugs either (save herbal home remedies). There will
>> be no problem (famous drug addict last words) but it
>> is nice to have ibo - and how do you explain that?.
>> Also note that twice I was habituated to prescription
>> narcotics and de-habituated quite easily without ibo.
>> Will keep you informed of any experiments. My thoughts
>> are I will do a full dose ibogaine to detox from an
>> opiate except for methadone. I also would like to go
>> off meds and clean out for the winter when I am in
>> less pain and don't usually do any "meds".
>> Note on how the morphine "feels"
>> It sucks - I don't like morphine for one thing and
>> won't relax into the drug, kind of grit my teeth the
>> first day. I itch at night, my mouth is dry, I can't
>> sleep, it does NOT block all the pain (screams still
>> come through), I am real cranky (wanna fight mother
>> fucker!) and nasty. IN fact I saw my old sponsor at an
>> AA meeting, told him to "KISS MY ASS" when he tried to
>> play 12 steps and 20 questions he didn't want the
>> answers to. The first 90mg was a bit too much side
>> effects so I cut it in 1/2 the next (they are beads
>> inside a capsule, it is OK) day which was 45mg, day
>> after 60, today 75 (tad more I was a bit off) and
>> tomorrow the full 90. There is nothing to "like", it
>> feels about the same as morphine always felt to me,
>> maybe a little worse. Right this second I would like a
>> lot more of something else but won't.
>> Today was the first day I felt the pull of the drug
>> settling into my body. I love my FREEDOM and hate
>> having to do this... I will be OK, no doubt, it just
>> sucks.
>> Brett
>> __________________________________
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