[ibogaine] Pain, ibogaine, drugs, recovery and little old me.

Allison Senepart aa.senepart at xtra.co.nz
Wed Jun 11 07:24:21 EDT 2003

You sound so miserable and pissed off.  I hope what you are doing will work
and things will get better.  What are you taking pain medication for???  or
you can tell me to mind my own business.  Whatever best of luck.
PS  I found most doctors etc. don't like you knowing too much.  Sort of
stuffs up their whole self image or whatever.   Allison
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brett Calabrese" <bcalabrese at yahoo.com>
To: <ibogaine at ibogaine.org>; <ibogaine at mindvox.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 8:42 AM
Subject: [ibogaine] Pain, ibogaine, drugs, recovery and little old me.

> For informational purposes.
> I have started opioid treatment for pain, starting on
> with Morphine, 90mg sustained release once a day. In
> the interest of ibogaine I share this experience,
> otherwise I would rather not. Normally I am a pretty
> tough nut (ok, you knew the nut part... ha ha) with
> pain and medication but this has broken me, literally.
> I have not, do not intend to, have no desire (...) to
> "use" though in the middle of a severe attack various
> ways of turning it off do cross my mind. My Internist
> has been fired, he was trying to treat a depressed
> addict, not a pain patient - this can prove dangerous
> to the pain patient/ex-addict. I have not abused pain
> meds in 17 years and in the last 3 have been using
> hydrocodone, codeine, oxycodone in very small amounts
> (30, 60 and just a few a year, respectively).
> Basically I would take a pill when I can't stand it,
> after a few days of meds, no matter what I would stop
> for a few days. I do know all the tricks about "how to
> live with it", have had numerous alternative (to
> opiates) treatments, none of which really work, many
> of which have horrible side effects (I get side
> effects to everything). Which brings me here.
> I started  4 days ago on 90 Avinza (morphine) because
> the VA might pick up the medication, they will not do
> an oxycodone based product. These new time released
> opiates are very expensive so I will ask the Doc about
> methadone (dirt cheap, 20 bucks for 100 10mg pills vs
> 2-300 a month of a time-release opioid). What a turn,
> all those years playing with drugs and never got
> addicted to heroin or methadone and now I might get
> that experience. Now to convince the doc that I
> actually enjoy a good opiate withdrawal now and then
> without raising any eyebrows.
> Trying to get help is a bitch out there. Try to ask a
> pharmacist about meds and mention schedule II drugs
> and it is like their faces go blank. They KNOW BIG
> BROTHER IS WATCHING and no they cannot discuss
> anything with me till I come back with a prescription
> when I was trying to get drug/price information to go
> discuss different treatment options WITH MY DOCTOR.
> The pharmacists didn't want to hear it and what info I
> got was untrue (ie methadone is not used for pain). I
> even went to some AA meetings, thought, you know, it
> would be a good idea, I am starting narcotics... bad
> move. That is all I need, those idiots trying to sew
> doubt of the need or outcome of this.
> So this should be an interesting ibogaine experiment.
> I don't think I would have any "problems" with the
> opiates, pain is pain, pain meds are just that (to
> me). Even looking back on the last 3 years it amazes
> even me how good I have been with pain meds, and of
> course no drinking, quit smoking a year ago and no
> drugs either (save herbal home remedies). There will
> be no problem (famous drug addict last words) but it
> is nice to have ibo - and how do you explain that?.
> Also note that twice I was habituated to prescription
> narcotics and de-habituated quite easily without ibo.
> Will keep you informed of any experiments. My thoughts
> are I will do a full dose ibogaine to detox from an
> opiate except for methadone. I also would like to go
> off meds and clean out for the winter when I am in
> less pain and don't usually do any "meds".
> Note on how the morphine "feels"
> It sucks - I don't like morphine for one thing and
> won't relax into the drug, kind of grit my teeth the
> first day. I itch at night, my mouth is dry, I can't
> sleep, it does NOT block all the pain (screams still
> come through), I am real cranky (wanna fight mother
> fucker!) and nasty. IN fact I saw my old sponsor at an
> AA meeting, told him to "KISS MY ASS" when he tried to
> play 12 steps and 20 questions he didn't want the
> answers to. The first 90mg was a bit too much side
> effects so I cut it in 1/2 the next (they are beads
> inside a capsule, it is OK) day which was 45mg, day
> after 60, today 75 (tad more I was a bit off) and
> tomorrow the full 90. There is nothing to "like", it
> feels about the same as morphine always felt to me,
> maybe a little worse. Right this second I would like a
> lot more of something else but won't.
> Today was the first day I felt the pull of the drug
> settling into my body. I love my FREEDOM and hate
> having to do this... I will be OK, no doubt, it just
> sucks.
> Brett
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