after ibogaine and SMART

Rebecca Silverman becca_vail at
Tue Jul 16 07:06:54 EDT 2002

Hi Eric,

I try to stay out of most of the more heated conversations here except I 
wanted to say some things to you and I hope you hear at least a few of them.

I know you might be going through a bad time because the last one of your 
friends who you were spending time with has overdosed. That's always so hard 
but you are not alone a lot of us have dealt with that and felt it before.

Patrick and Dr. Mash and all that has made the rounds so many times it's 
like why bother. Whatever her reasons or his reasons, it's not all that 
complicated. There is almost no difference between Patrick and DM, the only 
person who has ever lasted being in her environment is him. Where they 
actually work is a totally toxic and chaotic place where anyone even near it 
for more then a hour is nervous. The only people who thrive there are the 
extremely smart and crazy.

I have heard all the Patrick stories before, there is nearly the main 10 
reasons Patrick is Satan class at some of the rehabs he went through before 
leaving for Thailand. What I've realized is that he and DM are exactly the 
same in so many ways, they are manic depressive like crazy, really smart 
except the difference is Patrick does get real because he was an addict, DM 
can put that one off forever. And I have seen him before, if I didn't know 
him I'd say that guy is on speed and crack and about to sail off the tracks. 
But then 3 minutes later he pulls it together and acts like the nicest 
person in the world. His brain chemistry is out there and whatever his other 
problems I'm sure he was self medicating with heroin.

Beside whatever the personal issues are, DM loves to power trip and Patrick 
totally fulfills that. Hardcore life time drug addiction, clean three years 
after taking only her advice. Does all her computer things, does all her web 
things, does huge amounts of PR for her, does her brain bank and does a job 
people train 8 years for after 6 months of being around it. And he does all 
that because Dr. Mash did all that :-) Or maybe not, but it's nice to take 
credit for :-)

It's easy to fill up pages with all the stories that make the rounds but it 
won't change anything or make any difference to you Eric. Patrick is 
Patrick, DM is DM, Eric is you and your own problems aren't the result of 
any of them. There are at least 3 people in our group who are doing SMART 
and think it's great. If you want to or anyone from Miami does, join us at 
Little River, someone is there every day but most of the after ibogaine 
group who is not doing the steps exactly but something else and are staying 
sober, meets on Wed at 7:30. You're invited too Patrick! But we personally 
invite you at least once a month and you never reply to the email.

Anyone who is in Miami or passing through and happens to be in town on a 
Wednesday is invited. It's the Little River club off Biscayne.

The difference between SMART and Rational Recovery is that SMART doesn't 
have $20,000 worth of videotapes and books to sell you. It was started by 
that RR guy, but he's interested in running a large business, SMART are 
people who want to stop defining themselves as addicts.

And you know what else, everything Patrick ever writes or says is 'I'm not 
in recovery, I just stopped shooting heroin,' Randy on this list wrote 
nearly the same thing, most of us have grown into beliefs very close to 
that. The only ones left defining themselves as addicts are the ones who are 
still sitting in rehab and relapsing because of a mysterious disease :-)

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