[ibogaine] For Karina with love we care

Brett Calabrese bcalabrese at yahoo.com
Mon Aug 26 23:34:08 EDT 2002


This is long

Karina

> Hi, I am serious about being clean....i just have a
> low tolerance for pain 
> and a high tolerance for drugs

Me too, when I was using. For me, the more drugs I
take, the more pain I am in so I limit my use of them.
It is a chicken and egg thing. If you stopped taking
drugs your tolerence for them would go down and your
tolerence for pain - the pain itself actually (not
just how much of it you can take) will go UP. If I
take pain meds for any length of time it starts
effecting me and it takes me time to recover. Usually
I only take limited meds (not cause I am afraid of my
addiction) but in a couple days I have to stop, OR
ELSE!!! Sometimes things happen and have to take them
longer (say 2 weeks), it would take me a month of
really watching my pain meds (cause it just will hurt
more) to get back to normal........

THe last couple weeks have been really bad for me
(physical pain). Finally, took a 7.5 vic, up all
night, throws my sleep off... did this for a couple
days, one at night - then still in pain,  had to stop
them - because they don't work right if I don't (in
other words they would royally fuck me up if I just
took them when it hurt). SO, 3 days pass and I give
in, another 3 days go by, literally in agony, day
after day. The 2 kinds of muscle relaxers are there,
Parfon Forte which is mild and doesn't mess with my
head and SOMA - which I absolutely never take - cause
they FUCK ME UP (and I mean ever, got the script, took
1 and that was 4 years ago). Lets see, got some
tylenol #3's, vicodin ES and some percs - humm, bet
those would go good with a couple beers. And ya know,
I do think like that when I really hurt bad - and let
me tell you, a couple percs and vics together would
have made me feel real good - oops, something hurt
over there, better take a few more. But I can't do
that, it would be literally INSANE. Does it ever
happen, a little, VERY rarely and to a lesser degree.
I am just no longer willing to put myself through that
BULL SHIT addiction fuck with my own head, make my
life miserable shit any longer. What my head sometimes
tells me (those "EXCUSES") are often very valid, hey,
I hurt, I should be able to take pain meds when I am
in pain - but I can't successfully do that and NEITHER
CAN YOU. Sometimes I can take things for pain, not
always, not every time, I am aware of the SIDE EFFECTS
(where it fucks with my mind, that little fellow on my
shoulder that says "one more, one more and you will
feel better) and use them with caution and respect,
not fear or lacking them if they are not around. 

Sorry but...

It is just the way it is. You will have to go through
the painfullness of getting clean one way or the other
as this is what you seem to be after. I agree you want
to get clean and have started in that direction. It
may take a few trys at it, you are doin OK, your
"reasoning" (tolerance for pain/drugs) is (IMO of
course) a blazing neon sign that says "ADDICT EXCUSE"
all over it, plain and simple (just in case you didn't
know, thought I should point it out).

i am only
> taking trazadone and 
> seroquil...they are not addicting....please tell me
> why i feel like I am on 
> speed.....and I swear that's all I am doing are

Have you tried not taking anything for any length of
time? It takes some adjusting to.

Have you tried that Rescue Remedy or dl-phenylalanine,
SAMe, what? - just doctors and medication??? 

I am trying to make a point that you need to do things
differently and try new things. What you are doing is
not exactly working very well. The Rescue Remedy and
dl-phenylalanine are BLAZING remedies for your
symptoms and you don't seem to want to try anything
new and non-doctor prescribed. These are of course not
going to hit you over the head with a nice mind/mood
altering effect - other than to make you feel less
uncomfortable - but which is it, do you or do you not
want to feel more comfortable??? 

Go To

Grocery/healthfood/pharmacy

Pick-up DL-PHENYLALANINE aprox cost $6.00 for 50 500mg

Take 1 tab in the morning on an empty stomach or with
fruit/fruit juice and one at night, same way. Will it
improve so you are HIGH, no. Will you feel wonderful,
doubtful. Will it be better, almost certainly.

If you have any panics or high anxiety situations,
take the Rescue Remedy.

RESCUE REMEDY - tiny bottle with itsy bitsy dropper
with a zillion drops in it is about $12 - any health
food store. Keep it away from
light/heat/contamination.

You can look up either on the internet (with
"ADDICTION" or "DEPRESSION") there will be numerous
references to both.

I don't know how your diet is but it can have a
profound effect on how you feel, so can exercise. I
suggest you review these with some people who are in
recovery and use them. 

> those 2..when will I feel OK 

Sometime after you stop taking drugs.

> again I hate methadone, and me for going back o

You don't have to. Hey, you took a big first step, you
can and will do this, in your own time. Ease up on
yourself (beating yourself) and start watching
yourself get clean (take a step back). 

Bottom line, there is going to be discomfort you are
going to have to go through and there are ways you can
make it worse or you can make it better.


Brett
> it......for me all the 
> people on the computer is my help....and they have
> hotlines i can 
> call......karina 
> 


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